Speakin' of sexin' chicks, what are you doing after dinner?

On a positive note, during recessions like this we learn how delicious our pets are.

I can sing all of Celine Dion's songs by heart.

and what about your husband...is he still in jail ?

You're eating one, right now.

Now finish up what's on your plate...you always said you loved Fifi the best.

Describing it isn't doing any good. Here, smell my finger.

She came in from the blizzard, took her coat off, and my god! you could see her nipples were like Bing cherries through her shirt.

So, has your son grown out of that lisp yet?

wow the likeness to your last girlfriend is simply un canny!

Mom and Dad...how is your sex life?

Well, my coconut allergy has developed a new facet...in addition to the wailing and hives, now my left nostril also secretes copious amounts of green mucus.

I just love it so much though.

These macaroons are delicious. Perhaps we should lay a tarp on the floor.

I answered one of those internet ads, and they sent me this elaborate contraption of weights and elastic cords. It's surprisingly comfortable. In fact, I'm wearing it right now. I'll show you -- see, this goes around here, and that goes there ...

hey, do you know what works best for athlete's foot? especially when you have those crumbly edges on your toenails?

I mean, there I was, sitting in the coffeeshop, enjoying my latte when, who'd've thunk? Flatulence.