Inappropriate Dinner Conversations
 

Last week I stepped in dog poo on the way to your house. Instead of telling you, I went to your closet and swapped my shoes for another pair. Be a dear and pass me the salt.

There's a dead mouse in the centerpiece.

This pork is a little pink in the centre... mmm... trichinosis medallions!

Hey, is this a cyst or a boil?

When we went to wash our hands before dinner, I took the opportunity to lick your daughter's nipples.

That painting sure is ugly.

I ate worse food than this once in Colombo, back in '72, during the embargo. I got so hungry that i had to settle on coconut flavored rat scooped straight out of the kettle into my cupped hands, in a dark alley behind the airport.

Martina ! Leave Alberto and come live with me in Ontario...he is a loser, and we are made l'un for l'autre.

Pardon me. Oh dear. Pardon me!

I hate you. I have the active tuberculosis. While you were setting the table, I coughed numerous times into the cucumber soup you have served.

I tell you what. That Jimmy Carter is right up there with A-dolf Hitler.

(This thread makes me feel like I'm at a family reunion.)

Yup, it's pretty hard to sex a chick. You hafta hold em just in the right spot, turn em over, and then sqeeze just a little bit, look for that little rooster bump in the cloaca.

Boss says I have a 90% accuracy rate. It's an art more than a science, really.

I'm so glad you manage to put up with him ! It's really been hard for him to hold down a girlfriend for more than a month at a time....you know, what with the extreme halitosis and 130dB snoring problem. It usually wears them down in no time.

I'd like to thank all of you for my numerous psychosis, I couldn't have aquired them without you...you farkers.

still got the clap?

Speakin' of sexin' chicks, what are you doing after dinner?

On a positive note, during recessions like this we learn how delicious our pets are.

I can sing all of Celine Dion's songs by heart.

and what about your husband...is he still in jail ?

You're eating one, right now.

Now finish up what's on your plate...you always said you loved Fifi the best.

Describing it isn't doing any good. Here, smell my finger.

She came in from the blizzard, took her coat off, and my god! you could see her nipples were like Bing cherries through her shirt.

So, has your son grown out of that lisp yet?

wow the likeness to your last girlfriend is simply un canny!

Mom and Dad...how is your sex life?

Well, my coconut allergy has developed a new facet...in addition to the wailing and hives, now my left nostril also secretes copious amounts of green mucus.

I just love it so much though.

These macaroons are delicious. Perhaps we should lay a tarp on the floor.

I answered one of those internet ads, and they sent me this elaborate contraption of weights and elastic cords. It's surprisingly comfortable. In fact, I'm wearing it right now. I'll show you -- see, this goes around here, and that goes there ...

hey, do you know what works best for athlete's foot? especially when you have those crumbly edges on your toenails?

I mean, there I was, sitting in the coffeeshop, enjoying my latte when, who'd've thunk? Flatulence.

What would Jesus do?

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

(daver runs out of thread in a panic)

... I mean it was pretty huge. So I said, "Maybe you should get a doctor to look at that."

One of you at this table is a murderer.

... then there was the time I threw a crystal vase at him. Now it permanently curves to the left.

...as for Jackson Pollock, he was into drip painting. Using this turkey baster, and this gravy bowl, i will show you just how he proceeded...you'll need to move out of the way though, ma'am, or you'll spoil the splatter on the wall...

Did that piece of rice move?

So I guess you're all wondering what my big news was? Well, I am now an official Amway representative!

Is it just me, or does anyone else reflect on how much this chili both looks like, and how likely it is to become, diarhea...oh, and those hot dogs...