In hell there are no curved lines.

in hell, nobody holds your hand.

In hell there's no stairway to heaven. No free bird, either.

but millions of bics or zippos!!

In hell, only one of two political parties ever win and they are both the same. Wait, hold on!

we live in the eternal hope that the promising-sounding usernames we see signing up each day are The Sparkly & Shiny Ones, come to save us from one-another. but our hopes are dashed time and again as they always turn out to be spam mongers.

In hell you you can't be saved.

In hell every fortune-cookie contains only spam.

In hell Oreo cookies taste like Brussels sprouts.

There may be people who would like that.

I wish them the joy of it.

.

Naturally, except for those who like Brussel sprouts. They are in for a completely unexpected sensation burning in their mouth.

In hell there are plenty of gullible folks who want to believe it when some charlatan convinces them that, if they do as he says (usually involving an exchange of money, freedom, and/or power), there is a better life waiting for them after they fry.

^That sounds like heaven for the charlatans.

In hell, every itch one gets is always on unsratchable places.

In hell, everyone is required to have one root canal performed each week -without novocaine.

Unscratchable in the sense that one simply cannot reach them, or in the sense that they're in places one cannot scratch in polite company? Still, how polite could the company be, in hell? So it must be in places where one simply cannot reach them.

In hell people keep asking questions about what you've been clear about, and then go on to conclude that you were right all along.