Backhanded Compliments
 

Growing up, we were constantly reminded to be polite and to say nice things about people. If you were like me, it did not take very long to recognize that such advice was not always easy to put into practice. More often than not, we meet people who defy compliments and the best we can do is say nothing at all. More imaginative souls practice the art of the "backhanded compliment", the creative art of delivering an insult dressed as a compliment.
One that I remember from many years ago was a compliment to a blind date: "For a fat person, you really don't sweat very much!"

Speaking of blind dates, I once had one tell me at the end of the evening. "I think you look very handsome in the dark." (P.S. I married her.)

OK, give me your best shots.

I am shocked! Really, nobody's ever reminded me of that... :eek:

That's because you're so polite and say such nice things about people on a bulletin board where everyone can look up what's ever been said.

*feels unsure* Is that a backhanded compliment?

What I meant was that although I'd been taught to be generally polite, no one ever taught me I had to say nice things about people.

My grandmother has mastered the art of insulting people by complimenting someone else.
For example my cousin, who has curly hair (just like me),spends hours straightening them. My grandmother hates the fact that I love my curls, so she constantly mentions how pretty my cousin look with straight hair.
My favorite is when she told my fiance that he was the sweetest gentleman she had ever met, and that she would trade any of her sons for him. She said this in front of her three sons, loudly.

Are you drunk?? If my grandmother traded my fiance for one of her sons, he'd be my uncle, not my brother.

Okay, I got one.

"Awww...Your baby looks just like you!"

duh. you're right. either way, though, you couldn't marry him. so my point still stands: gramma may be meaner than you think.

in the workplace: hey, you managed to look pretty decent for a cripple!

also in the workplace: oh, you not taking that apple pie is because of your lactose intolerance.. i thought you weren't taking it because you were getting fat!

You're a pretty good lover for a guy with a small penis.

As loathsome as you are, your are not nearly as bad as your mother.

That wonderful perfume is such a signature of yours that everyone knows the second you arrive!

MIL to my face:
"Honestly, I began to relax when I finally realized that my son had simply married someone exactly like his mother."