Astonishing Factishes
 

In this thread we invent facts that sound as if they might be true, if you don't read carefully or think too much.

Touching the finial at the bottom of a staircase means you're horny.

drinking red wine gives you bunions

If this thread reminds you of extremely misguided notions you will get lucky today.

You'll get lucky on the day you post to this thread.

If you open a book to a random page and read the paragraph you then point to, it means something.

If you go back to open the refrigerator door again after you couldn't figure out what you want to eat, there'll be something new and desireable in there that sounds just right.

Falling drops are the surest sign of rain.

Don't look up the word smegma; no, just don't do it.

Look before you leap; limp after you look.

An investigation into auto accidents by the Big Three automakers, using "black box" technology similar to that used in the airlines, in a limited test run of 10,000 cars across the United States reveals that the last words heard on most tapes are "Oh, shit," except in Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, North and South Carolina, and Tennesse where the most common last words are "Here, hold my beer and watch this!"

Napoleon Bonaparte labored under the delusion that he was, in fact, Alexander the Great.

Not too many people are aware of the fact that a final vinegar rinse in one's freshly washed hair serves as a powerful aphrodisiac.

drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon makes one proof against hail

If you open the windows on a warm day it turns your neighbors' radios on. Loud.

An index finger hastily moistened in the mouth and then held aloft like a totem will mystically prevent an amber caution light from changing to red.

This factish is a bona fide one, dating back to the late sixties, when it was invented by one David Ferguson, keyboard player for a regional garage band called Sergeant Snorkel's Coin Laundry and Diaper Service. The other band members swore by it, and I myself would testify that it has helped me avoid a number of moving violations over the intervening years.

Just to be clear, the technique, known as the "Fergie Finger", must be accompanied by the reverent recitation of the following scrap of doggerel:

Fergie finger saved the day
Doo dah, doo dah
'Cause I licked it this-a way
All de doo dah day

Don't worry. Stephen Foster cannot sue. I had my lawyer check.