Inappropriate Interpretations of Christmas Songs
 

I've got a pal here in Cleveland who has been arguing that "Baby It's Cold Outside" is a date rape song. I've told him that's ridiculous, that it's by Frank Loesser, the king of the witty elliptical approach to love songs, that it's clear from the song that the woman comes over to the man's house, so who's seducing who, here, and finally asked him whether he thinks that Loesser's "Slow Boat to China" is a kidnapping song, all to no avail. He's still insisting on applying inappropriate political correctness.

So I'd like to get a list of other Christmas songs with equally inappropriate interpretations in order to mock his ideas about that song. I have a modest collection here. I'd appreciate it if you could add to it:


Santa Claus is Coming to Town -- big brotherism, stalking
I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus -- adultery
All I want for Christmas is You -- slavery
Santa Baby -- prostitution, blackmail

Any others?

last christmas (i gave you my heart) - organ harvesting

Ding Dong Merrily on High - WEED!

It Came Upon a Midnight Clear -- Mass Interspecies Bukkake

The Twelve Days of Christmas - sensless consumerism


Wait! Isn't it what Christmas is about..? :rolleyes:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas - coming out

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer - integrating alcoholics into society

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus -- childhood confrontation with moral relativism

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas - Cocaine fantasy.

Away in a Manger - Historical Child Protection Services case file

Let it Snow - Favorite carol of Power/Heating Companies.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - alcohol-induced narcolepsy

Good King Wenceslas - svengali pedophile with a kink for frostbite

The First Noel - bestiality

Angels We Have Heard on High, anyone?

P.S. I agree with Marcus' friend. It's a date rape song.

O Come All Ye Faithful - could be so many things
--midwinter fertility rite
--orgy night at the rectory welcoming the new guy
--manger fetishists anonymous meeting