Anyone know some good jokes?
 

Okay, doubtless this must have been done here before. I’m just feeling too lazy to look for the thread. Also, I know jokes are ubiquitous on the internet. But, hell, maybe there’s a reason for that. I want to laugh, dammit. Lemme hear your Jokes.
Pirate Translation:
Arr! Them jokes be everywhar! Ay. Make me laugh, ye lubbers!

Here’s a silly sorta lame one I made up. It’s a variation on the Chicken Crosses the Road joke (btw, When I was driving recently in the cone-tray, I saw some chickens by the side of the road, and they seemed to want to cross!)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Well, have you ever seen a road cross a chicken?

Show this to Annie!

click

How do you titilate an 'orse-a-lot?

Oscillate its tits-a-lot. LOL

So, there's this
drunk guy at the
grocery store, and
he's standing in
line, and he
watches the lady in
front of him in line
put a loaf of bread,
a package of
ham, 2 cans of soup
and a quart of
lowfat milk on the
conveyor belt.

He catches her eye,
and says,
"You're single,
arent you?"

She's astonished and
says "How'd
you know that I'm
single, just from
seeing what I'm
buying?"

He said "it's
because you're
fvckin' ugly!"


_____________

timing is everything

awwww. that was nasty! joj

a horse goes into a bar
the bartender says "why the long face?"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

Why did the man cross the road?

He heard the chicken was a slut.

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?

Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!



How many New Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None of your f*ckin business!



How many people does it take to change a lightbulb @ Lambeau Field?

Three. One to change it & two to talk about how good the old one was.

Two neutrons walk into a bar, sit down, and order a couple of pints.
They reach into their wallets and ask what they owe, when the bartender says:
For you? No charge.

*groan*

Did you hear that Ford recently began recalling the entire inventory of their new 2003 Mercuries?

Apparently, they found traces of tuna in them.

So a chicken and an egg are lying side by side in a straw bed.
The chicken’s smoking a cigarette.
The egg has an unhappy look on its face.
The chicken turns to the egg and says: “well, I guess that answers that question.”

Re: PFP’s lightbulb jokes
 

Here’s another one-

How many zen buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change it and one to not change it.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. But it has to really want to change.

;)

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

His hand caught fire.

a rabbi, a priest and a horse go into a bar
the bartender says "is it a joke?"

Did you hear about Starbucks new drink, Viagraccino?

It keeps you up all night.

Titillate an ocelot?

That's apparently George Bush Snr.'s favourite joke.