2010-7-12 10:15pm

Fax machine irretrievably clogged with ketchup, knee deep in plans to convert left side of shredder into working bidet.

Back to Home Depot...

Dog's spacesuit successfully tested in backyard pool. Off to Phantom Fireworks.

My dog caught fire today; I'm afraid the cat will be next.

Transgressive Verse

After 9/11 I thought,
“Well, at least I'm ok.”

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus.
I saw what happened to Lennon.
But if I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah,
but as far as I know,
the Bible is never clear
on the size of Jesus’s penis.
But I mean, come on –
I'm a poet, an artist, and a gallery director.
I don’t want to draw invidious comparisons,
but Jesus --
an itinerant carpenter and convicted felon?
Who do you think is the better man?
And my tears cure cancer too –
it's just that I laugh at terminal patients.

Don't get me wrong,
I love the idea of killing unwanted babies --
what doesn’t sit well with me is the idea
of letting a woman make the decision.
Because if God had wanted women to be equal to men
he'd have given them penises.
And listen, I'm not sorry --
if a hooker has to die for me to get an erection,
then, by God,
a hooker has to die.

I don’t think I could adopt a child, though --
I'm not the kind of guy who digs
through things other people have thrown away.
And I never go looking for child pornography,
but I mean
if somebody sends me an email with some pictures
I'm not going to turn them in.

Ok slavery was an
awful period in our history,
but when we honestly look at what's become
of black culture since emancipation,
I think you have to admit,
maybe we’re right to be mad
when we learn “The Amazing Race”
isn't about white people.
And I don't know why we need
a whole Black History month --
It's not like they're the only ones that suffered.
I mean, we're the ones who have to deal with those people
day after day,
but you don't see us demanding
a whole month to ourselves.

As far as queer, look, I love queers
as much as the next guy,
but I just don't think we should have to let them in our schools
or use our bathrooms or drinking fountains.

It's not that I think the Nazis were right,
or anything. It's just that, well,
we weren't there, right, so we don't know.

For me, performing my poems
at workshops and readings is like
playing soccer with a bunch of crippled
and retarded people.
It's not really fair to them,
but what can I do, you know?

Is this poem the next Illiad or Paradise Lost?
Of course not.
Frankly, I'd like to think I aimed
a little higher than that.

12.25.12

Where is everyone at work today? Hello? HELLOOOO? Oh well...guess i'll get some of this filing done.

Wha da ya think this is? Christmas?

10.04.2013

My blogging has become increasing erratic. I realise now that the publishing industry lacks the daring, the genius, and the savoir faire to pay me to turn this blog into the great Armenian novel. "Not Armenian Enough" she said, that's when I knew literature was dead. God knows I've tried - just last week my ground breaking idea for a series of badly written vampire novels was flatly rejected. "Wither the book" I cried. Then I just cried. Later than evening after a few drinks I am ashamed to say I just withered. Maybe all that's left for me is facebook. Maybe that's all I'm good for. Anyhoo, catcha later.