Some Ze Monkey advice
 

I have been dating the same guy for a few months now. My dad and both of my brothers have met him. My brothers are very accepting of him, my dad only met him briefly. So, now it is the holiday season, and I would like for him to meet my mom. My mom can be difficult. I asked my dad last night, to ask my mom, if it would be o.k. for him to have dinner with us on Christmas Eve.

My mom called me to talk about it.

"So, I talked to your dad, and are you serious about this?"

Me "Yes."

Mom "Will he be staying over night?"

Me "No, he isn't planning on it, but if the weather is bad, I don't want him driving back."

Mom "Well, I guess it is o.k."

So, I know exactly how she feels about it, I won't even invite him. What kind of sucks is that she will be hurt when I have to leave Christmas day in order to spend time with his family. I guess I should feel no guilt about this.

I guess I have made up my mind. I will not take him home with me, because I don't want her to be uncomfortable, and I will have to leave early to spend time with his family. Maybe my timing was off. But I have invited people to dinner at my parent's house ( On holidays none the less) that they did not even know, and they welcomed them with open arms. Argggh. What do you think?

I don't get why she's so uncomfortable.

He is a biker

I don't think that you should feel guilty. This is what happens when you grow up and your time is divided between two families. Do what you feel is right and try your best to make your family understand.

Do you think she is just nervous? Is this the first guy that you have brought home?

If it were me, I would bring him, just because if you are serious about him, then it will have to happen sometime and the first time is always a little uncomfortable for everyone. Just make sure he understands your concerns and is not caught off guard.

Well, unless he's likely to bring a bimbo (not you, silly, a biker bimbo, the sort that likes to lift her shirt riding pillion), open beer with his teeth, put his dirty boots on the table, and snort a line on the eating bar, I'm the sort of mother who would like to see a daughter as much as I could at Christmastime, pretty much without caring who tags along.

As a daughter I'm kind of the sort who'd remind mom that neither of us is getting any younger, there are only so many Christmases, and that your dude is actually quite facile regards his table manners.

I went so numb on Christmas day
I couldn't feel my hands or feet
I shouldn't have come
She made me pay
For gleaming with Donald down her street
She put blame on him
And shame on me
She made it all seem so tawdry and cheap
Oh, let's be nice, Mama, open up your gifts
You know, happiness is the best facelift
I mean, after all, she introduced us
Oh, but she regrets that now
Shacked up downtown
Making love without a license
Same old sacred cow
She said, Did you come home to disgrace us?
I said, Why is this joy not allowed?
For God's sake, I'm middle-aged, Mama
And time moves swift
And you know happiness is the best facelift
Oh, love takes so much courage
Love takes so much shit
He said You've seen too many movies, Joni
She said Snap out of it!
Oh, the cold winds blew at our room with a view
All helpful and hopeful and candlelit
We kissed the angels and the moon eclipsed
You know, Happiness is the best facelift
We pushed the bed up to the window
To see the Christmas lights
On the east bank across the steaming river
Between the bridges lit up Paris-like
This river has run through both our lives
Between these banks of our continuing delights
Bless us, don't let us lose the drift
You know, Happiness is the best facelift.

-- Joni Mitchell

I think you will be fine if you go ahead and bring him. On the other hand, it's your family and you know them best. But I feel badly for you that you feel as if you are forced to choose. That pretty much sucks.

Maybe it comes down to your saying, as gently as possible, "Mom, I've decided to bring "X" and I hope we can all have a pleasant holiday."

It takes a lot of nerve, I know. I've never really been on that end of it. I was always the one people were afraid to bring home. ;)

You can't be responsible for your mother's behavior/opinions. You can only be responsible for your own.

If you really want to bring this man, bring him. But you should tell him a little of what's going on so he's not blindsided. If your mom doesn't like him, that's her problem.

I think it's horrible that she makes you feel this way, whether she intends to or not.

Amen.

Let it slide. She's going to be awful to him anyway and he will feel uncomfortable.

If she complains when you leave early, calmly state the reason why.

And, next year, she will remember.

[*BAD ADVICE*

If you really want her to remember next year, you could yell, "I'm leaving to go cross-country BIKING!! " While putting on leather chaps.

And smash something when going out the door, just to let her know you are mad. I think Medusacutsnake has an axe you could borrow.

I think you should bring him, but warn him about your mother. You should spend time with people you love during Christmas.

You shouldn't feel bad about leaving early.

I hope things work out :)

If your Mom hasn't really ever sat down to dinner with a biker, than maybe this is a good oportunity for her to do so & she'll see that he's a nice guy & that you two want to be together.

I get worried when I rub off on people.

^^^^

I have had an impish streak running thorugh all along. You just supply the props thorugh your Ebay ventures and I'd be happy to wreak havok.

:p

klynne,
have you ever voiced disappointment or anger over something your boyfriend has done, to your mom? We tend to forgive and forget things our loved ones have done, but friends and families have long memorys.

She's being a mother. Plain and simple.
It took a year before my mother would even stay in the same room with Vickie. Needless to say things got very uncomfortable whenever we went anywhere together, but I just kept putting the two of them together until Momrbee realized that Vickie was the woman I loved and that her hostility would drive me away from her if she wasn't careful.
It's gonna happen no matter when or where they first meet, so you'll have to choose the right moment. Christmas or another occasion won't matter, just keep in mind that if they are gonna get along they will, and if they aren't, they won't.
I agree with surbhi that you should give him fair warning on how difficult she may be.

Just tell her that instead of having an uncomfortable christmas, you decided to go to his families house this year instead. They don't seem to have a stick up their ass.

She will change her mind.;)

This is the sensitive one, right? The one you've been seeing awhile now & there was some dysfunctional family crap in his past (I think I've just described everyone on the planet, scratch that)? Dinner w/your parents will seem like a piece of cake to him.

Just make sure to warn him about your mother, that it's nothing he should take personally.

Good luck & how'd your dad's play go?

:D

You guys are the best! Thank you for your advice. I have never said anything bad about him to my parents. He really does want to meet my mom, and he seems to think that he can charm her socks off. I do not think that is possible.

I have taken home boyfriends to meet my parents before, and my dad has been very friendly, while my mom is stand offish.

My older brother and I talked about this, and he told me to just join them on Christmas Eve, and leave the next morning. And if mom gives me shvt for leaving early the next day tell her the truth. Which is, his family really wants to meet me, and that I have agreed to meet his family. He said mom will have great guilt over that, but, that should not be the point.

Thanks, she has always managed to make me feel horrible. Don't mean to be a downer, but she has always had that talent.

XOXOXOX. That gave me the tingles. Thanks, Klynne

*hug* I hope it all works out well, hon. :)