The worst joke in the world thread
 

A sandwich walks into a bar,

the bartender says, "get the f*** out, we don't serve food in here!"

Duck walks into a pharmacy & asks the pharmacist for some Chapstick.

The pharmacist asks, "Will that be cash?"

The duck says, "No, put it on my bill."

Drunk looks up from his drink and asks the bartender woozily, "Do lemons have feathers?"

Bartender tells him no.

"I guess I must really be drunk, then, because I think I just squeezed your canary into my drink."

A man walks into a fish shop with a fish under his arm and says “excuse me mate, do you sell fish cakes?”
The man says “yeah of course we do”

”Thank god for that,” he says, pointing at the fish,

”it’s his birthday tomorrow”

Where does Kylie get her kebabs from?
Jason’s donner van

A bra walks into a pub and the landlord says
"I'm sorry, but I cant serve you as you're obviously off your tits"

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar.

"Drink all you like," said the bartender, "but don't start anything."

Did you hear that the satellite dish married the TV antenna?

The wedding was awful but the reception was fantastic.

What to you get if you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?




'elephino?!

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and , with a scowl, exclaims, "We don't serve your kind in here! Read the sign." The rope reads the sign to which the bartender is pointing and then, sulking, walks out of the bar.

Outside on the sidewalk, the rope is stricken with inspiration. Immediately he throws himself to the ground and begins writhing around. When he returns to his feet, he looks down with satisfaction at the large knot at his midsection. Then, with a wry smile he begins grabbing the threads at his head and feet and pulling them apart. That being done, he triumphantly walks back into the bar and plants himself on a stool right in front of the bartender.

When he again attempts to order a drink,the bartender snorts, "Hey, aren't you that rope I just threw out of here?" The rope replies, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

What's blue and white and if it fell out of a tree could kill you?



A fridge in a denim jacket.

A man goes into the doctor with custard and jelly in one ear and fruit and cream in the other.

"And how can I help you sir?"

"Sorry doctor, you'll have to speak up. I'm a trifle deaf"

Another man goes into the doctor with a sausage up his nose, bacon in his ear and egg yolk running down his forehead.

Doctor takes one look at him and says
"You're not eating properly"

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but
there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not
surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino
chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have
devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all
their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and
then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

Of course, this is done by a chip monk.