Ghandi was a great man who walked among the people and always barefoot. Because of this the skin on his feet became very rough and covered in calluses. His strong religious beliefs required him to be a vegetarian. This strict diet combined with all the walking made him a very thin and frail man. He had sworn to a life of poverty. Because of this he did not posses a toothbrush. Combine this with his diet, and he was chronically cursed by bad breath.

I guess you could say he was a "Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."

Man walks into a Fish'n'Chip shop and says "Cod and Chips twice, please"

The man behind the counter replies " Alright, keep your hair on. I heard you the first time"

johnny runs home to his mother:
"mommy! mommy! everybody calls me a backstreet boy!"

"but son, who calls you a backstreet boy??"

"EVERYBOOOOODYYYYY YEAH YEAH YEAH"

max headroom & dinzdale go to the zoo.

"hey look, that's a jaguar!" shouts dinz.
"no way that's a jaguar", says max. "it doesn't even have wheels!"

ha ha ha

^^^
seriously bad!

the rest are great though

:)

A horse walks into a bar,

Bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

John Kerry walks into a bar,

Bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

What's the difference between your bonus and your penis?

It's easy to get a woman to blow your bonus.

Man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm, lays the pig on the bar and orders a pint.

Bartender "You cant leave that lyin' there"

Man " It's not a lion it's a pig"

it's brown, armed and lives in the forest












rambi

what's the penalty for bigamy











two MILs

A woman goes to join the Hell's Angels. The hairy leader asks her
"Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
"No, but I have been swung round by my tits"

a young woman got pulled over by a cop for speeding. the cop wants to give her a ticket, but charmed by her looks he wants to give the girl a second chance.

> "i'm going to give you a riddle, if you know the answer, i'll let you go.
4 wheels, an engine, what's that?"

< "simple," says the girl. "a car!"

> "hmmm.. well you have to be more specific, is it a volkswagen, a bmw, a mercedes? but ok you get a second chance. it's got two wheels and an engine, what's that?"

< "that's a motorcycle!"

> "well, yes, but you have to be more specific.. is it a suzuki or a honda or a harley davidson..."

the cop is already writing the speeding ticket when the woman says to him:

< "well officer, i have a little riddle for you. it doesn't wear much and it sells itself to men, what's that?"

> "that's easy, it's a whore!"

< "well you have to be more specific... would that be your wife, your mother or your daughter??"

in a <3monty python<3 sketch (as a bad joke)
 

what's brown and sounds like a bell?


dung!

Man goes into a bakers and says "Quick give me a loaf of bread!"
"Certainly sir, brown or white?"
"That's alright, I've got my bike outside"