How do you tell if your pet elephants have been having sex?

The garbage can liner is missing and there's a quarter on the doorstep.

What did one snowman say to the other?

"Do you smell carrots?"

oh oh oh

One atom says to the other, "Someone has stolen one of my electrons!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

What do you call an atom that's missing one electron?

I don't know, either, but you'd better keep your ion it.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a martinus."

The bartender says, "Don't you mean a martini?"

Caesar replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it."

What do you call a pig with three eyes?




A piiig.

What do elephants use as tampons?

Sheep.

What game can you play with a wombat?



Wom.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

I think we've all visited the same site now :)

A man is telling his friend about the great night he had.

"I found a woman tied to the railway tracks! I untied her and took her home and we sex all night long! We did it every way you can imagine, even up the bum!"

"Mate, that's amazing," says the friend. "Did you get a blow job?"

"No," he replies, "I didn't find the head"

Why did the snowman smile?

He heard the snowblower approaching.

Awright, here's one my son told me when he was about 3. I think you'll agree it's entirely...um...original.

Q: "Why did the kitty cross the road?"


A: "Tractor."


And then he laughed himself blue.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Green.

Unless they're also Dadaists, and then:

Fish.