Okay - so are ribbons going to be awarded for these anytime soon? :p

it's green and if you eat it you'll get a tummy ache













a football field

If I have a green ball in one hand and a green ball inthe other, what have I got?



The undivided attention of the Incredible Hulk

Knock knock.


Who's there?


Banana.


Banana who?


Banana split.

Knock knock.


Who's there?


Banana.


Banana who?


Banana split.

Knock knock.


Who's there?


Banana.


Banana who?


Banana split.

Knock knock.


Who's there?


Orange.


Orange who?


Orange you glad it's not the banana?

how do you get an elephant into the fridge?

open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.




how do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

open the door, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.




the lion king gives a party. which animal won't be there?

the giraffe, it's still in the fridge.

What's green and smells of pork?



Kermit's cock.

ok you win :D

which one does not belong with the others?


tofu
kidney beans
vibrator




--> kidney beans, the other two are meat replacers

2 potatoes are standing on the corner; how do you tell which one is the prostitute?


The one holding the sign that says I-DA-HO.

an old guy and a young guy are waiting for the bus at the bus stop.

the young guy has this big mohawk on his head, painted red, blue and green. he has several earrings and one of those metal pins through his nose.

the old guy can't stop staring at the looks of the young man.

the young guy notices the stares of the old man and asks him:
"haven't you ever done anything weird when you were young??"

"well yes," replied the old guy-- "one night i was so drunk i fvcked a parrot, and now i'm wondering if you're my son!"

LETTER TO MANAGEMENT:

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I don't get paid overtime.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
Penis
------------------------------------------------------
RESPONSE FROM MANAGEMENT

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often found visiting other locations.

You lack initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering, and exiting, the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

What do you call a black guy who flys a plane??










A pilot you racist.

4 lice are playing cards, suddenly one louse throws down his cards and shouts

"i've had enough, i can't concentrate! some kind of dick keeps looking in my hand of cards!"

an elephant walks into the sauna. the elephant looks around and starts to laugh uncontrollably. after 5 minutes a man asks what's so funny

says the elephant:

"you have to eat with THAT??"