Frailty: an Alphabet Poem
One of the tragedies of my childhood was that I never had, or even read or heard of, The Ghastlycrumb Kids. It was an alphabet poem of rhyming couplets, each documenting how a child died. To paraphrase for example: "M is for Marge, smothered under a rug; N is for Norman, done in by a thug."
Grisly child deaths has been done, though, so let's find gentle (or damning, if you prefer) humour in verse: unflattering portraits of fictional adults, alphabetically, in rhyming couplets. 2 to a customer. Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap, Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham like picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham like picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham like picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham like picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. Michael is always off touching himself Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham like picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. Michael is always off touching himself Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph Owen eats donuts until he's all puffy, Paula wipes snot on her sheets when she's stuffy |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham like picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. Michael is always off touching himself Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph Owen eats donuts until he's all puffy, Paula wipes snot on her sheets when she's stuffy Queenie is one royal pain in the neck, Rhonda takes Prozac, but still is a wreck. |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham like picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. Michael is always off touching himself Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph Owen eats donuts until he's all puffy, Paula wipes snot on her sheets when she's stuffy Queenie is one royal pain in the neck, Rhonda takes Prozac, but still is a wreck. Stan likes to razor his gerbils for fun, Topher's in fast food: he hawks on your bun. |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham likes picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. Michael is always off touching himself Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph Owen eats donuts until he's all puffy, Paula wipes snot on her sheets when she's stuffy Queenie is one royal pain in the neck, Rhonda takes Prozac, but still is a wreck. Stan likes to razor his gerbils for fun, Topher's in fast food: he hawks on your bun. Ursula spraypaints vile words in the stalls, Vincent is constantly scratching his balls. |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham likes picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. Michael is always off touching himself Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph Owen eats donuts until he's all puffy, Paula wipes snot on her sheets when she's stuffy Queenie is one royal pain in the neck, Rhonda takes Prozac, but still is a wreck. Stan likes to razor his gerbils for fun, Topher's in fast food: he hawks on your bun. Ursula spraypaints vile words in the stalls, Vincent is constantly scratching his balls. Wendy eats cat food, just for the taste, Xander likes smearing himself with his waste. |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham likes picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. Michael is always off touching himself Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph Owen eats donuts until he's all puffy, Paula wipes snot on her sheets when she's stuffy Queenie is one royal pain in the neck, Rhonda takes Prozac, but still is a wreck. Stan likes to razor his gerbils for fun, Topher's in fast food: he hawks on your bun. Ursula spraypaints vile words in the stalls, Vincent is constantly scratching his balls. Wendy eats cat food, just for the taste, Xander likes smearing himself with his waste. Yuri shaves places where no one e'er sees, Zelda likes lurking at scout jamborees. |
Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep Charles had a terribly long and weak chin, Diana barfed often so she could stay thin. Edgar told lies as a way to sound cool, Fanny sold X to her pals after school. Graham likes picking his nose with a stick Helen used to eat it until she got sick Ingrid has only one subject: her Needs Jim finds your scab and then picks till it bleeds Ken is so lazy he sleeps until noon Len killed his wife, sent her corpse to the moon. Michael is always off touching himself Nancy's got acne she picked up in Guelph Owen eats donuts until he's all puffy, Paula wipes snot on her sheets when she's stuffy Queenie is one royal pain in the neck, Rhonda takes Prozac, but still is a wreck. Stan likes to razor his gerbils for fun, Topher's in fast food: he hawks on your bun. Ursula spraypaints vile words in the stalls, Vincent is constantly scratching his balls. Wendy eats cat food, just for the taste, Xander likes smearing himself with his waste. Yolanda pops pimples while riding the bus Ze barely posts; thinks he's better than us. |
someone else finish it proper like.
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