Limericks for the Purist (communal)
 

Alright folks! Get out your calculators. The rules here are STRICT! . . . Some of you will try. . . few will succeed. . . SO PAY ATTENTION!

Standard Limerick Form: AABBA . . . yesss, a lot like the band wiseguy- but BETTER. Now listen up!

The form above relates not only to rhyme (where all the "A" lines rhyme with each other, and both the "B" lines rhyme with each other), but to rhythm as well. This means WATCH YOUR SYLLABLES. If you've ever listened to music in your life, then this shouldn't be too difficult. The "A" lines MUST have 3 beats. Here's a little test. . .

Which of the following "A" lines is correct?

a) This one.
b) I like to go fishing.
c) Hickory dickory dock.
d) I like to be careless and ruin limericks with GREAT POTENTIAL!

So what did you choose? Did you choose "b"? Well congratulations! You're wrong. While "b" can arguably be divided into 3 beats, two different ways (with emphasis on "like", "go", and "ing" - or - "I", "to", and "fish") it's inappropriate because. . . . ?

. . . It lacks FLOW!

If it sounds awkward- IT'S WRONG! Sooooo- that said, the right answer is "c". "Hickory dickory dock" is a brilliant concoction of consonance and meter- the first words providing forward motion and the last setting a definite finish point for the line. THREE sure-fire beats that you'd have to fight human nature in order to read incorrectly!

THAT- is what the limericks in this post will glorify! METER! BEAUTIFUL RHYTHMIC ACCURACY! ! ! . . . (and please don't forget rhyme!).

So the "A" lines have 3 beats. The "B" lines have 2. If you remember that- then MY DREAM WILL COME TRUE.

Example.

Hickory dickory dock (3)
The mouse ran up the clock (3)
The clock struck one (2)
The mouse ran down (2)
Hickory dickory dock (3).

Oh MOTHER OF. . . pearl. My example doesn't even follow the rhyme scheme! Slant rhyme. I HATE slant rhyme. "one" and "down" don't rhyme! And come to think of it- this poem doesn't even make sense! We're going to do SOOO much better, aren't we? Goooooood. Let's go.

Recap: Remember A(3)-A(3)-B(2)-B(2)-A(3) . . . no problem, right? . . . and don't forget. . . I'M WATCHING YOU.

Here we go. I'll start.

1. Someone please shut this guy up

1. Someone please shut this guy up
2. I'll have to throw up in a cup

1. Someone please shut this guy up
2. I'll have to throw up in a cup
3. I'll up in my cup
4. And cup up my "up"
5. If this mother will STFU

My Mistake. . .
 

**One line per post, please. No posts in succession.**

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket.
2. If there's work, I generally duck it.

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket.
2. If there's work, I generally duck it.
3. Then weekend arrives!

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket.
2. If there's work, I generally duck it.
3. Then the weekend arrives!
4. I forget all that jive.

1. On Fridays I sleep in a bucket.
2. If there's work, I generally duck it.
3. Then the weekend arrives!
4. I forget all that jive.
5. Go drinking with friends and say F**k it!

1. ten menders were mending their tents

1. ten menders were mending their tents
2. ten menders had tent poles with dents

1. ten menders were mending their tents
2. ten menders had tent poles with dents
3. their poles were made straight

1. ten menders were mending their tents
2. ten menders had tent poles with dents
3. their poles were made straight
4. with bond-o fixate

1. ten menders were mending their tents
2. ten menders had tent poles with dents
3. their poles were made straight
4. with bond-o fixate
5. 'til it dried and the pain was intense

**my god. . . that was beautiful! I love you people.**

1. I see you've a restraining order

1. I see you've a restraining order
2. Still I risk overstepping the border