imaginary retirement
 

Speculate on someone's future, far down the road. Be nice... or not.

Hyakujo's Fox hits on an immutable principle that forever resolves the conundrum known as a the "mind-body problem" while staring out the window of a Swiss patent office. The insight whitens and musses his hair considerably. Happily, the commercial spinoffs of his thesis make him a multibillionaire within the decade, and he spends his golden years blissfully scuba diving with Shalini, his stunning East African trophy wife, studying squid in the deep near Dubai.

madasacutsnake suffers a debilitating right CVA in her early sixties, and the consequent dysphasia limits her to saying only two things clearly: "For ****'s sake," and "More cognac." She takes to a wheelchair though fully ambulatory, and keeps a crocheted afghan and a devoted long-haired dachshund on her lap at all times. To pass the time, she designs elaborate water features for government installations, which affords her a tall, attentive private home care nurse named Halston. After almost a decade of employment, there is an unfortunate accident involving bacon, nudity, and an Elna press which results in his abrupt termination.

Your turn.

"dysphasia limits her to saying only two things clearly: "For ****'s sake," and "More cognac." She takes to a wheelchair though fully ambulatory"

Perfect!

trisherina discovers that Canada geese are an essential source of glyconutrients and publishes a highly acclaimed cookbook, "Cook Your Goose". It feautures such classic recipes as Wrist Trapper Stuffed Goose and the quintessential Forty Goose Neck Surprise. She becomes obscenely wealthy, buys the Jasper Park Lodge and ensures high speed internet access in every room. Not just the suites.

Unsound decides he isn't that keen on art, takes the LSATS, does well, goes to law school at Simon Fraser, graduates, works for a firm doing construction law, makes partner in 13 years, buys a house in Shaugnessy with his wife, a physiotherapist he met after a skiing accident, she works very part-time after the two kids and never really goes back, they vacation mostly at their Salt Spring Island fixer-upper with a view of St. Mary's Lake: Unsound finally realizes his dream of turning it into a fishing B&B in 2035, and spends his last days showing people a really good time.

At the age of 94, Zenbabe slips on a stray wedge of lime and falls from the table upon which she's been dancing in a Tijuana bar, and she breaks her hip. She is placed in a convalescent home where she becomes extremely unpopular with the other elderly women in residence due to her ability to charm all the male retirees into giving her their rations of tapioca with a simple, palsied shake of her shoulders. Her body is found one morning, limbs akimbo, clutching a small hash pipe, at the bottom of a stairwell where she was pushed by one particularly irate old crone who had accused her of aggravating her husband's already dangerously high blood pressure.

At the age of 53 Smartypants is elected into the highest political office as President of the United States of America and the first openly gay president. He holds two terms, reforms local fellatio laws, cures all cancers and finally settles that pesky Israeli/Palestinian conflict. At the age of 81 he dies suddenly during a freak high colonic treatment at a prestigious Beverly Hills day spa. No official details are available to date, but wild speculation as to what happened; that never was reported, remains abundant.......

Anyone else but Smarty, and I'd have to say it couldn't happen.

Brynn is discovered by Joss Whedon drinking an egg cream at Schwab's Drug Store at the age of 68. Whedon, who has undergone an epiphanous religious conversion at the news that he has mesothelioma, casts her in a new project he's written involving an attractive grandmother who suddenly develops supernatural powers and wants to use them to save the world from Satanic forces. The cast meshes incredibly well together to create a series that fans love, but the network drops it mid-season for fear its religious overtones will result in a backlash. Whedon promises to revive the project somehow but dies before this can happen. The series is #1 in box sets on Amazon.com for 34 weeks running, and Brynn is hailed as "the next Jessica Tandy."

Awful. :eek:

I never promised you a rose garden.

But I wasn’t expecting a kick in the pants. ;)

Peef, too, goes into the B&B business.

:D Nailed it! :p

At 57, Trisherina will fall madly in love with a handsome Air Force colonel/diplomatic attache to Ecuador, where she will live in a gated community throwing amazing dinner parties for Ecuadoran dignitaries, casually collecting gossip for the NSA while her husband flies secret drug surveillance missions to Columbia. Her mansion will be decorated beautifully, and she will have her housekeeper Rosa specially trained to do foot massages and Reike. Lonesome during the holidays for her children, she will make it a habit each year to fly them and their spouses down to South America for extended visits - all funded legitimately by American taxpayers. She will also take advantage of the superior private medical system nearby and undergo plastic surgery by world-renowned Venezuelan surgeons. She will look amazing for a woman of sixty-one.
Not every moment will be spent living in sybaritic luxury, however. Every morning from her mansion, she will look out the window and spot locals quietly going through the garbage cans for anything salvageable. She will eventually spearhead a neighborhood campaign to carefully throw away perfectly good but slightly used kitchen appliances, clothing and electronics to help these people. All this will be fodder for the book she will set about to write entitled "How American Embassies Are Wasting Your Tax Dollars Overseas," and will continue to work on well into her seventies.

(Note - this is lifted directly from my mother-in-law's actual retirement story).

At the age of 50, LadyCrow decides to cash in on the wave of sexegenarian rocker group comeback tours and convinces zero to start a band, with the logic that no one will know the difference. The band, which draws on influences such as Bauhaus, Joy Division, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Jeff Buckley, vintage David Bowie, Dead Can Dance, and Balinese gamelon, goes on to become a multiplatinum seller and spawns a generation of non-ageist music-lovers, giving hope to and finally beginning the careers of a number of brilliant musicians who thought they'd missed their chance, and making LadyCrow and zero wildly rich and famous, which LadyCrow loves and makes zero near suicidal.
After a full decade of touring and celebrity (that zero assiduously avoids with every fibre of his being) zero retires to Tibet, donating his entire fortune to a monastery, and spends the rest of his days poking around various mountain environments for good sitting places. He lives to be 106, mind sharp as a tack to the end, and would have lived longer if one of his fans hadn't hunted him down, found him standing on his favorite mountain cliff nursing a cup of veggie soup, flung her arms around his knees, and wailed, "Where's the paper I have to sign to shag you?" causing him to spill his soup and fall over into a ravine. (Some say he didn't actually die, and is floating around eternally, soup cup in hand.)
LadyCrow manages a few more musicians and groups, none of whom are quite as good as zero's, then retires and opens a Mexican/Thai fusion restaurant where a bunch of her old musician friends swing by and play some nights. She is widely celebrated for her beauty, and a number of rumors begin to crop up about how she manages to stay looking so good. "Clean livin'!" is all she will admit to. At the age of 63, she finally meets Trent Reznor in person, who, completely overwhelmed, says, "Where have you been all my life?", proposes to her on the spot, and marries her within the year. They have lots of good sex, adopt a number of very nice children, and live happily ever after. :D