Noxx's Drunken Monkey Questions
 

Continuing the recent rash of questionnaires...

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?

6. Who's your daddy?

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
intense

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
how much wood is he chucking?

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
can't remember, don't want to

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
Killian's Red

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
yes, can't tell you

6. Who's your daddy?
oh please

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
Tuke Litter

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
once named a "person massager" after an ex boyfriend

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
sliced my finger with an exacto knife, cutting film but thinking about,, well, something else

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
yes, chemical weapons

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
It was Dinz and everyone knows it

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
stymied

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
He'd probably use a saw

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
I got pantsed!!!

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
White Wine

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
OOOOH, that's so hard, probably something to do with a lot of moola.

6. Who's your daddy?
Dinz is!!!

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
Pippy La Fanny


8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
I don't really name things.

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
Fell while being intoxicated

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less. September 11, 2001


11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
I'm pretty sure it was p. diddy.

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
deviate

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
he chucked it good with a catapult that he bought on ebay. that sucker flew!

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
not sure what was worse, walking in on my parents, or my parents walking in on me...

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
port
or vodka
or jack from the bottle
or Friday's pina colada mix from the bottle
mmm, midnight chat session drinking...

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
give George W. a sex change.

6. Who's your daddy?
um, my father

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
i've actually thought of this: Pants.

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
i called all clothespins Puma when i was young...

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
running front flips at 3:00am. after the 15th one i almost ripped my ankle apart. crutches in January. fun.

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
Rev. Jerry Fallwell

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
PETA

hell if Peg can answer her own questions, so can I..

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
insolent

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
Hired thrity-five illigeal woodchucks, paid them less than minimum wage, put all of them up in a crappy little shack and threatened to call INS if they didn't continue the chucking.

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
Utilizing the nearby bleachers, I attempted to slam-dunk a basketball. Things went awry and I ended up landing head first.

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
Vodka Tonic, quick and easy to make.

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
Behead Celine Dion. Although I will argue whether or not that is terrible.

6. Who's your daddy?
Possibly the mail man.

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
Randy Root

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
After hearing the salesperson refer to them as much, I called a pair of shoes my "Jumps". They were never referred to as shoes.

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
Cut my hand on a spagetti sauce jar....not on the glass, on dried spagetti sauce.

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
Minivan

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
Osama

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.

beckstraordinary

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:

hatchet

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:

senior year of highschool, Eric Ewing, asked him to go to prom cause I thought we had something (also, best friend Stacy was threatening to do it, so I let her con me into it)...was first time ever asking a guy to do anything with me...he said he'd already had someone to go with...got to afterprom, and there she was...him staring me down the entire night...was hurt and petrified all at the same time...yes, I was a very insecure 18 year old

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?

hot coca

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?

probably not...

6. Who's your daddy?

his name is Mo...and yes, I'm actually talking about my father

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?

Kitty Stroke

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?

my car, Girl

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?

ummm...I don't think I can even remember that far back

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.

*owns a smutty novel*

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?

my little brother

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
me

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
The woodchuck would upchuck the chucked wood. Would Chuck upchuck while Chuck would chuck wood? You betcha.

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
Landing face first in barkdust from a perfect dismount from the swings.

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
depends on the crowd and the season.

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
Terrible according to whom? To me? No. To others? I do all the time.

6. Who's your daddy?
It's not who you think it is.

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
Suddenly? Amanda Hugnkiss. Something more imaginative if I had the time, which I don't right now

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?

I name inanimate objects all the time, probably because they are the only steady "relationships" that are willing to travel with me. Right now, I'm on Minerva (my comp). My old car was Wilber, my car in NZ was Shiraz.

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
Running.

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
Leather, spikes, no

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
you.

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
unprecedented

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
instructions here
Acrobat Reader needed.

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
The day my first stepmother invited one of my female friends to lunch. Without me. (She was extremely odd.)

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
1998 Amarone della Valpolicella

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
Probably not, but if I did, it would probably involve sex with someone otherwise unavailable.
6. Who's your daddy?
Excellent dance move. Emulated the world over.

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
Joanna Probet, apparently.

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
Farmer John Cheese.

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
Did perfect splits while bowling.

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
Married or gay

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
I'll have to go with Dinz - he seems to be responsible for a good deal of mischief...

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.

Kooky.

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:

He uses a propietary method which he invented and which he is not obligated to disclose to the public.

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:

3rd grade, I threw up on my desk.

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?

Captain Morgan. It's so funny when big red mustaches suddenly and inexplicably appear on everyone's faces.

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?

I've already done it. But no one knows about it because there were no consequences.

6. Who's your daddy?

I'd like to request that all the young ladies on this board address me as "Daddy" from now on.

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?

I AM a porn star! My name is Rock Johnson.

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?

I had a scrub brush which, for the benefit of a cutesy girlfriend, (don't gag, now) I called Scrubby. "Baby, have you seen Scrubby? I can't find Scrubby!"

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?

The old framing hammer on the index finger trick.

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.

Child molesters.

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?

I don't know, but I think you stepped in something.

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
Weeeeeeeeeeee!

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:

They eat it.


3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
not make it to the toilet

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
Bad ass punch: 10l of vodka. A pinch of lime

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
World domination

6. Who's your daddy?
Great move combined with vigorous hip movement.

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
Mastafawker

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
Bonsai is called fred.

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
2 weeks ago, I almost killed a friend of mine when I incidentally let go of his kite before he was ready. He was dragged at high speed over a rocky surface before he continued into the freezing water. Luckily he was still conscious and managed to regain control over the kite. He got one week sick leave because of an injured foot. I feel like such a fking idiot and have cursed my self ever since.

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
ex

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
Hey, If the dog wants to go out, it can. A dog's got to do what a dog's got to do.

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
Pale

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
hmmm... these days he/she'd probably use a chainsaw

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
I cant remember due to conciously blocking bad memories of school out! sorry

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
It would have to be a good strong beer... leffe maybe

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
I cant say!!

6. Who's your daddy?
my daddy

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
Jenny Taylor

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
I once named a cactus....(I was 11)

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
Tried to splodge some paint on my friends head for a laugh whilst decorating... she moved her head and it went in her eye... oops

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
obviously the dEVIL

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
Beethoven

[b]1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
me (duh)

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
*chuck* *chuck* *chuck*

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
being 12, i walked around with a backpack loaded with school books. then all of a sudden the bottom of my backpack tore, all my books were on the floor in the crowded hallway..

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
irish whisky

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
i'd punch my manager in the face

6. Who's your daddy?
shake it, baby!

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
Kin-Kee Seamstress

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
my car is named Aardbei Willem: Strawberry William. (my computer's name is stinking bastard, does that count too?)

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
having sex

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
real evil? nope.

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
you, for asking these questions!

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.
[no]

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:
[First I'd get good and liquored up on Gin and Tonics, because a woodchucks thirst for juniper berry based booze is legendary. Then I'd shave my body down and grease it up with olive oil... for no particular reason except to fulfill my fantasies. I mean how ofetn do you get to act out the "I'm a naked greasy woodchuck" fantasy. I'd make sure that the wood was lined up along a hedgerow. Then I would employ the Yamaguchi manuever, pronating the ankles, bending at the hips, and twisting at the back - thereby achieving an efficient, yet low impact, chucking outcome.]


3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:
[I shit my pants in kindergarten running home from the bus stop. Thankfully nothing ever topped that.]

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?
[water]

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?
[take advantage]

6. Who's your daddy?
[Jack Nicholson]

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?
[Roger Meroundly]

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?
[A '74 volkswagen dasher - Zelda Fitzgerald]

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?
[I tried to cut open an eazy-squeeze toothpaste tube with a swiss army knife to get the last bit out and ended up slicing my index finger]

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.
[my cat, schmutz]

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?
[Arsenio Hall - "woof woof woof woof"]

1. Using only one word, describe yourself.

i would say 'stoic'. Others may have a more colorful word to use-- just ask my friends' wives.

2. Explain the method used by the woodchuck to chuck wood, if the woodchuck could chuck wood that is:

never had the (mis)fortune of seeing that

3. Absolute most embarrassing moment of your school-age life:

i wore the wrong uniform to a class recital or play or something

4. What is the perfect midnight chat session free-for-all drink?

easy. grey goose screwdrivers, all the way.

5. If you could do one terrible thing, without any consequences, would you? What would it be?

popular opinion-- (see friends' wives above)-- has it that i do terrible things all the time anyway, consequence or not

6. Who's your daddy?

the jury's still out

7. If you were suddenly a porn star, what would your screen name be?

i'll let you know for the low, low price of $19.95, plus shipping and handling

8. What is the silliest inanimate object that you have named? What was the name?

my friend's rickety POS fiat. we called it the 'turbo strata'. it died on us on the busiest street in our hometown just as we were using all our wiles on two lovely ladies

9. What was the last stupid thing you did that caused an injury?

roughhousing with my dog. the little ****er bit the shit out of me

10. Have any tangible evidence of evil? Three words or less.

my friends' wives

11. Who was that horrible person who let the dogs out?

possibly me

how many of you have named your cars?

mine have been:
the Flemish Taxi (aka Electric Banana)
the FMQ Mobile
the Tractor
Knee Buster
Brewster (jury's still out on this one)

-st.