Satire
 

Bird Flu
Marcus Bales

Bird flu is caused by a virus
That often occurs among birds,
And diseases will sometimes require us
To thin out our flocks and our herds.

Our reasons may sometimes be murky,
Or so bird-brained they do not apply,
But President Bush has bombed Turkey
So all of our children don’t die.

We say that we know it’s a duck
By its look or its walk or its quack;
So Bush, with a jive and a shuck,
Might justify bombing Iraq.

He’ll save us, the Right with the wrong,
His righteousness stays firmly flexed;
And he says, though he may miss their song,
The Canary Islands are next.

v good! :D

Did you write it yourself?

Oh yes.. you did write it.. doh.. it says at the top :rolleyes:


Baby rabbits with eyes full of pus
And all because of scientific us

-Spike Milligan

REMOTE CONTROL (a song lyric by dddrum)
 

There's all kinds of people on this ball of mud

But we're all made out of the same flesh and blood

All the movers and shakers

All the filthy old bums

We've got one thing in common: opposable thumbs



May I direct your attention to what I have in my hand

It's the greatest invention since cheese in a can

It's a mental extension

Just two inches by six

It's jet black and streamlined and it does all the tricks

(Remote control...)



(Remote control...)



This one controls input from a camera and mic

This one can fast forward past stuff you don't like

This one is the volume

This one is the tone

This one locks all your doors - this one answers your phone



(Remote control) Everybody needs one

(Remote control) Gonna make your life a breeze

(Remote control) Got a button on for every purpose

It's a massive new solution

Plays an elemental role

In this passive revolution

Get your hands on a remote control



Ain't no more commuters to jam up our roads

We've all got computers to lighten our loads

Machine on the counter's baking our daily bread

There's no need to get up

We can clock in from bed



(Remote control) Everybody's doin' it

(Remote control) Turn me on from over there

(Remote control) Let's do lunch on the Internet

It's a simulating feeling

Always quantifies my soul

So boot me up, Scotty

'Cause I think I'm losing my control...



[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK]



Come on and get it - get with the program

This is the future, gonna set you free

With just one button you'll elect a President

Then order a zirconium from QVC



Come on, admit it - it's so exciting

Like science fiction, but it's really true

Put on your visor, get your track ball calibrated

Power up that La-Z-Boy, there's work to do





There are millions of choices in the palm of your hand

From your online cocoon you're in total command

You're a loyal consumer, and you mind what you're told

Though you zap the commercials, you still buy what you're sold



You may feel your intentions are noble and pure

But they're virtual virtues, so you just can't be sure

Do not dwell upon this

Just know that it's true

While you're pushing those buttons

Someone's pushing yours, too



(Remote control) Everybody's got one

(Remote control) Some light up in the dark

(Remote control) I want one that Adjusts Your Attitude

It's not much of a vision

But at least I got a goal

Gonna make my own decisions

Keep your claws off my remote

Control

(Remote control...)



(Remote control...)

[You won't remember any of this...]

(Remote control...)

[It's just a song - on the stereo...]

(Remote control...)

[Go ahead - just flip it off...]



(Remote... remote... control)

[flip it off]




-- © 1996, Sea Street Music

The Rich Man's Song
(to the tune of “My Bonny Lies Over The Ocean”)

When times aren't so good I feel bearish
Since cash doesn't grow on a tree
I've got to have more or I'll perish
So lower the taxes on me!

Chorus:

Lower, lower
Oh lower the taxes on me, on me
Lower, lower
Oh lower the taxes on me, on me

And when times are good I feel bullish
My cash-flow is making a sea
I feel neither empty nor fullish
So lower the taxes on me!

Chorus

When times are more balanced it's awful
I get just my regular fee
You might think on taxes I'd waffle
But lower the taxes on me!

Chorus

Hurry, hurry! Don't be missing the excitement of

...ISLAMICON '06!

It approaches the hind end of our rocking and rolling
RAMALAMADANDONG infestival, and there are only a
..few festive days left, yano wumsa'yin, mahomi?

..So what's the turban ado, sugar?? Put on yourself
your most very best tablecloth, light up a camel, and
............don't stop 'til jihad enough!

And don't be forgetting, we...

[Hmm. Excuse me, there's someone at the door. .............Hello?

AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!]

A Christian is a moral freak,
Repenting every Sunday
What he did throughout the week
And plans again for Monday.

A humanist's adrift at sea
His moral compass bent
Following the fickle whims
Of fifty-one percent

Christianity

I have a very personal relationship with God,
Who says I´m fundamentally, indubitably flawed;
But not to worry, Jesus has forgiveness, if high rent -
And I can buy redemption at a rate of ten percent.
Oh ten percent, it´s ten percent, yes, ten percent for me:
I get three gods in one when I buy Christianity!
Oh ten percent, it´s ten percent, yes, ten percent for me,
I´m purchasing salvation and my immortality!

To Intolerance
 

When the faithful prove human and stray
From the flock on a fine summer's day,
There's no lack of pointing
Or proud self-annointing
From those most unlikely to pray.

It seems they demand pure perfection;
Either that, or utter defection
From a God who gives grace
To the whole human race,
whilst they muster their "grand" insurrection.

How mighty are these criers
Of "Hypocrites!" and "Liars!"
As their self-same shame
Lies concealed by loud blame
That they screech from atop ivory spires.

God bless these Judges,
With their winks and their nudges
As He blesses the scoffers
Who pilfer the coffers.

He loves us all cheerily (though it makes me sigh wearily).

While strolling thru the park one Day
in the merry merry month of May
I decided I'm alone
and when dead will turn to bone
and i didnt give a rats ass either way.

I thought what if you don't believe in God
that the planet and the stars are natures nod
a pure react of science
and not creative license
it explains our mortal feet of sod

A god would never put us thru it
there would be grace and peace and tons o wit
a world where politics were clean
intentions that were never mean
mens hearts would more intuit

So let me think its all for now
I dont need to take a vow
of loyalty to any man
but will so do, because i can
free will , no repercussions row

I decide how it will go,
and faith is hope and hope will know
that every day the sun will rise
and I'm the one that makes me wise
im the results of the work i show

No guilt to build into my child
his values formed, his humor wild
no fear to use upon his head
live big, cause when you're dead, you're dead
a free-mind child is a child less guiled

So here i preach when its not my place
I just want a world with grace
no jihad sunni-muslim crap
no pope on a rope and the vatican trap
where money talks and oil makes haste

We like to think the world is fine
and religion isnt a firing line,
but time has shown
that theory's blown
Now its time to use our minds

The time has past for talk of Jesus
we need to pure science now to heal us
to see life now as not a ghost
or spook or ethereal heavenly host
Lets focus on ways that might congeal us

It truly is a ball of mud, yes
and if i ever had to guess,
i'd say that if we concentrate
on things that might make this place great
it would be getting rid of hate

and illusions that are not quite provable,
emotions invested in thoughts unmovable
there is something bigger than you
it is YOU if you knew what I knew
BE it all, be your god, be improvable

Faithful flocks

The worst belief retains its true believers:
There's no belief so bad it's not believed
By faithful flocks who follow their deceivers,
And don't believe that they have been deceived.
There's always been some profit-hungry crazy
Spouting some unconscionable stuff
To fleece the young or old, the dim or lazy,
Enriching him though they don’t have enough.

It's not belief we need; we need no savior
To light fanatic gleams in zealots' eyes;
It's human decency and good behavior
Instead of faith's hypocrisy and lies.
It’s not enough, believing with all your might;
The worst belief is being sure you’re right.

word

Are you positive about that, mon frêre? :confused:

i thinkso.