dear miss toodle,
on behalf of virgin galactic, i would like to thank you for your recent expression of interest in joining our organisation. every week we receive many applications from enthusiastic and dedicated people from all over the world seeking a position with us, and your letter in particular was one of the most heartfelt applications for employment we have ever read. however, you seem to have grossly misconstrued our mission, miss toodle. we are not that kind of virgin, on the contrary, we've "done this before" particularly when it comes to forming exciting new companies. for example, remember virgin cola?
so rather than employment, perhaps we can offer you a very special 10% discount should you book your place in space now. then you, miss toodle, yes, you, can join around 200 virgin galactic astronauts who could venture to space as early as 2009!
training can begin right now, right here, in your very own home. make yourself comfortable in an upright chair, and, as you hold the enclosed virgin glactic skymap at arm's length, begin to make deep, guttural huffing noises as you chew some gum, taking care not to accidentally expectorate. Soon you'll begin to feel yourself clearing out your ears with each swallow of saliva if you happen to live at a high altitude. This is normal. However, it is necessary to remain vigilant. It is generally known that the activities described above may bring out... I'm sorry Miss Toodle but our lawyers have just instructed me to discontinue this correspondence immediately, pending a thorough review of the stationery management situation. As a personal favour to myself I would ask you to detach the company letterhead upon receipt and never mention this matter again.
Yours in anticipation,