Rule #1: Regarding the Use of All-Caps.
1a. All-Caps shall be used to signify additional emphasis given to a word. The meaning of said word will remain the same, as will the volume at which the word is spoken if the sentence containing this word is spoken, as one might to a child who, not yet having the ability to read, requested that it be read to them at an hour appropriate to such things.
1b. The emphasis conferred by All Caps will be measured in the following way:
- using that type of scary voice (but not actually singing) like dave grohl of the foo fighters at one of the intense bits in one of bigger hit songs e.g. "the monkey wrench"
- dividing Maximal Emphasis Possible By Any Sentence (MEPBAS) by the number of words in All-Caps, and giving to each its even share.
1bi. On the Paradox of a Sentence Written entirely in All Caps:
- although All Caps indicates emphasis, a full sentence written in All Caps shall be interpreted in the reverse as something akin to a whimper. the sound of said whimper shall resemble the gently creaking protest of a poorly maintained swing set set in motion by a light summer breeze.