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Old 07-25-2007, 05:46 PM   #58
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lapietra's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: just ducky
Posts: 12,078
Rule Zero: Regadring Typos

0a. Mis-spelings do nto coutn againts yuo.

Rule #1: Regarding the Use of All-Caps.

1a. All-Caps shall be used to signify additional emphasis given to a word. The meaning of said word will remain the same, as will the volume at which the word is spoken if the sentence containing this word is spoken, as one might to a child who, not yet having the ability to read, requested that it be read to them at an hour appropriate to such things.

1b. The emphasis conferred by All Caps will be measured in the following way:

- using that type of scary voice (but not actually singing) like dave grohl of the foo fighters at one of the intense bits in one of bigger hit songs e.g. "the monkey wrench"

- dividing Maximal Emphasis Possible By Any Sentence (MEPBAS) by the number of words in All-Caps, and giving to each its even share.

1bi. On the Paradox of a Sentence Written Entirely in All Caps:

- a Sentence Written Entirely in All Caps (SWEAC), since it divides the MEPBAS by the Maximum All Capped Words (MACaW) creates a ratio of 1:1. This erases any emphasis that each individual All Capped word might have carried, dropping the emphasis level of the entire sentence effectively to nil. Plus Dave Grohl gets laryngitis.

1bii. On the Proper Response to a Sentence Written Entirely in All Caps:
One should whisper in size 1 Italics.

Rule #2: On collation

2a. Always collate for the convenience of later posters.

2ai Posters breaking Rule #2 shall be subject to the following consequences:
- Offending posts will be winged, but not ducked.
- The poster will receive a single infraction which will count towards their total DMRS score (DMRS score not valid in Hawaii, Wisconsin, or Lower Elbonia. Actual value less than one cent).
- The poster will receive "The Look" from their own mother.

2b. On the preferred method of collating:
People should be collated by height, weight, gender, and foot size, in that order, and never by handedness or the Graeber Index of Sexual Attractiveness in 7th Grade.

Rule #3: On How "Real" One Should Sound When Posting, and Cases in Which One Should Edit an Existing Post to Comply With Rule#3.

from the French réel, from Latin realis, from res thing.

3a. When meaning to "be real", sounding real is both prudent and necessary.

3ai. "sounding real" does not refer to the actual transmission of soundwaves. speaking aloud while posting is not necessary in any case, and should be regarded as voluntary.

3b. "Get Real!" Derivative exclamation. The order of getting that which is real.

3c. "O rly?" - This phrase shall be used as an expression of doubt or uncertainty that the previous poster knows what the fvck said poster is talking about.

Rule # 4: On Lost Formatting

4a. If you find someone else's formatting, put it back where it belongs.

4b. If you lose your formatting, you shall be infarcted.

4bi. Formatting infarctions shall be inflicted exclusively in French: À la recherche du formatage perdu

4bii. The Easy Way Not To Lose Your Formatting shall be to Quote The Rules In Their Entirety from the previous poster, and remove the unneccesary quote formatting. This shall be the only formatting you may lose without being infarcted.

4c. No mention of being an underwear folder shall be made to any board member who chooses to reformat the formatting scheme according to a more efficient scheme (See Annex A: Efficient formatting algorithms for massive multi-user online applications)

Rule #5: Of Things That are Stupid, and Rules That Really Aren't Rules As Much As They Are Observations.

5a: Below is a list of things that are stupid. if you think they are funny your are stupid:

- some stupid pic you filched from "rottendotcom"
- The word "Cheezeburger", and any and all derivatives of said word.
- Coming here to pimp your FREE anything.

Rule #6: On Incurring Infarctions and on Incurring Infractions

6a: "if you incur the infraction of a fellow board member you forfeit the right to use the words "random" and "crazy" and your smilies are automatically disabled

6b: "every time you infraction someone who's jib you don't like the cut of, you get to choose a small pet from creature corner"

Rule #7: On Instances of Double-Posting:

7a: Double Posting (alternately referred to as "Pulling a Deuce") shall be regarded as a dangerous rift in the space-time continuum and shall be ignored until the original poster edits the second instance to remove the repeat.

Rule #8: On What To Do if You Have Nothing Nice to Say

8a. brightpearl offers you a cookie and assures you that you can do better

8b. Say something Neutral, or Not Nice.

8c. Attempt to Write a Rule.

8d. Penalties for failure to abide by the above are as follows:

8di: In the Case That The Indiscretion Occurs With a Non-Living Thing w/ Advocate:
- If Advocate is popular; see 8b
- If Advocate is considered a troll by most of board (for "most" see Rule 15:On Consensus); Bash (see Rule 18:On Acceptable Forms of Negativity) away.

8di2: In the event the Non-Living Thing has no Advocate; Bash away.

Rule #9 - On Adding Rules

9a - You must add rules to the rules only half not kiddingly

Rule #10 - On Penalties and Miscellaneous Images

10a - Be stingy with penalties

10b - Creature Corner

Rule #11 - On Forgiveness

11a. Be generous with Forgiveness.

11b. Try to understand both sides

11c. If you cannot understand both sides, find your own side, poke it twice and giggle quietly. Poke it three times if you are not that ticklish.

11d. When all else fails, offer fresh baked cookies.

Rule #12 - On Irony and Its Applications in Ways That Are Not Easy To Understand, But Are Apparently Irresistible to "I".

12a. See Rule 3

Rule #13 - On Rules

13a. Rules are more like guidelines: as in "Rules are too stultifying for what we are trying to create here".

13b. The above is a rule, and should not be taken lightly as one might a guideline.

13c. When in doubt, ask. Specific doubt is better than general doubt.

Rule #14 - Of or Pertaining to Action Phrases

14a. posts intended to indicate a single action must be set between asterisks. (example: *posts new rule*)

14b. multiple actions must be separated into individual action sets, each with an associated asterisk pair. (example: *posts new rule* *comes up with examples*)

14c. actions must be phrased in present tense.

14d. failing to close an action phrase with the second asterisk will result in an interpretation of ongoing action in every subsequent post, regardless of content, until such time as the poster remembers to insert the errant asterisk.

Rule #15 - On Bullying

15.a. Bullying shall be defined as "choosing any individual for ongoing harassment, belittlement and/or abuse, whether or not they deserve it."

15b. Gentle teasing is not bullying. However, if an individual takes exception to what you consider gentle teasing, you must desist, make polite apologies, and feel very silly and embarrassed for a day or two or until your unintended victim tells you you’re off the hook, whichever takes longer.

15c. If you don’t like someone for any reason – say, they don’t speak English too well, you suspect they have Republican tendencies, or they just make you feel icky - you must try putting them on ignore.

15c.i. If you cannot resist peeking at the ignored member's posts once you have put them on ignore, will not be held accountable for any anger, disgust, revulsion, nausea, headaches, cramps (including butt puckering), homicidal impulses, psychotic breaks, and other negative reactions you may experience.
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. ~ Mel Brooks

Last edited by lapietra : 07-25-2007 at 06:50 PM. Reason: Anna's serendipiditty wiser. 15.a.i removed.
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