Thursday, October 2, 3:13 pm
I canít believe it! Today a new memo was issued in the office prohibiting employees from eating certain foods in the office, including garlic, that Norwegian fermented fish dish that I like so much, and, get this: STINKY CHEESE! Iím so pissed. I mean, itís not like it really matters now, but I know how Michelle is so turned on by the cheese, and I remember distinctly the way her face contorted with sheer unadultrated passion when I brought the Norwegian fish. I showed them, though, the bastards.
On a positive note, I found a fax machine for sale in the paper yesterday. I called the people, and we arranged for me to go there on my lunch break today. Well, this one is even worse (better) than the last one. Right when I plugged it in, it started giving me all kinds of error messages. The people selling the machine explained to me that it was broken, but I just pretended to be a repairman. Heh. Five bucks! What a deal. I was so happy, I almost forgot to ask for my raise.
I didnít, though. And guess what? It turns out that I donít even work here. I swear I mustíve been here like five years! The boss said that after that time I tried to write Michelle an e-mail, I was fired. I donít remember any of this. If I werenít so confused, I wouldíve put my new used fax machine to good use on my bossís head. Well, now that I donít work here, what should I do to say goodbye to Michelle? I thought about the way my stinky cheese turned her on, and, risking everything, I put the smallest slice in her desk, with a note telling her how much I love her, and how I know how she feels about me. I felt giddy with happiness after I left.
Until next time, I am yours truly,