I have always owned cats, and have not have had to deal with who is charge. Cats don't give a shit.
Cats do give a shit if you let them know it is important. I treated Mao (RIP) as if I gave a shit about who was in charge...in part because I took him on leash everywhere and needed him to respect MY lead and not just the leash in case he ever got free of it, but also because clawing couches, pissing in inappropriate places, etc was unacceptable behavior when they happened. I had to let him know who was boss (lightly but firmly) and he became the BEST CAT EVER. Courageous, curious, intelligent, trainable, and my best buddy.
I agree with Frieda...submit your story to that dog whisperer show. Your situation sounds like exactly the thing that they would go for. "10 lb dog owns XXXlb woman (assuming you are at least a tiny bit over 99lbs
)...and how Dog Whisperer reversed that obviously unbalanced scale with a few sensible doggy training principles."
BTW...i don't believe animals and people whisper to each other. That is just a marketing tag for whoo whoo folks who would like to believe something like a Dr. Doolittle is possible. I believe the Dog Whisperer, and the Horse Whisperer (fabulous movie/documentary if you all haven't seen it...please do, there are animal and people behavior insights worth watching in that show) have extra insight into animal behavior because they are very observant and patient people who engender trust and respect from the "clients" they love.