Rule #1: Regarding the Use of All-Caps.
1a. All-Caps shall be used to signify additional emphasis given to a word. The meaning of said word will remain the same, as will the volume at which the word is spoken if the sentence containing this word is spoken, as one might to a child who, not yet having the ability to read, requested that it be read to them at an hour appropriate to such things.
1b. The emphasis conferred by All Caps will be measured in the following way:
- using that type of scary voice (but not actually singing) like dave grohl of the foo fighters at one of the intense bits in one of bigger hit songs e.g. "the monkey wrench"
- dividing Maximal Emphasis Possible By Any Sentence (MEPBAS) by the number of words in All-Caps, and giving to each its even share.
1bi. On the Paradox of a Sentence Written Entirely in All Caps:
- a Sentence Written Entirely in All Caps (SWEAC), since it divides the MEPBAS by the Maximum All Capped Words (MACaW) creates a ratio of 1:1. This erases any emphasis that each individual All Capped word might have carried, dropping the emphasis level of the entire sentence effectively to nil. Plus Dave Grohl gets laryngitis.
1bii. On the Proper Response to a Sentence Written Entirely in All Caps:
One should whisper in size 1 Italics.
2. Collate People!
People should be collated by height, weight, gender, and foot size, in that order, and never by handedness or the Graeber Index of Sexual Attractiveness in 7th Grade.
My strength is as the strength of eight --
My heart is nearly pure.