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Old 04-19-2012, 08:27 AM   #1153
Brynn
constantly amazed
 
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: in the labyrinth of shared happiness
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the house is really old and shabby so none of the locks work. there's a gang of young adults and a few middle-aged men and women. they don't like the fact that they don't know who we are, and we're staying in a place with no curtains, so they amass outside, pounding on the windows, shouting insults. who do we think we are? do we think we'll be safe inside the house? they'll break the windows if we don't come out to them, we'd better not call the police or it will go so much worse for us don't we know how brutal they can be? and they get more and more violent and i'm holding the doorknob and the broken lock trying to pphysically keep them our by twisting on the bolt but they are too strong. i decide to make a break for the phone which is just a land line but I dial 911. because I left off from the lock, they breach the house and I start to hear my little sister screaming in another part of the house where they drag her. 911 answers, but they don't seem to hear the screaming and they never come. they find me. they are all strangers to me but each distinct, as if i am meeting random people in their dreams.

All of these people are very very angry and i try to find out what their problem is but all they really want is to hurt something alive, and that would be me. I see the pain in their eyes. the dark-haired woman dumps a bag of flour on my head and rubs it into my hair saying "you think you're pretty? wait until we're done with you!" and a man is holding my arms behind my back and they are all laughing as an older man with a gray beard jokes about shoving a giant tube up my crotch and he demonstrates through my clothing but the dark-haired woman whose face is twisted with grief says no this one is mine. The more I try to reason with her, the more questions I ask, the angrier she gets. they spread one of my eyes open wide to pour tabasco sauce in it and rub it in the flour on my face and I try to stay calm and try not to be afraid and try to just send out love and i think of the 23rd Psalm about the lord being my shepherd who makes me lie down beside still waters and prepares a feast in the presence of my enemies while they rip on my hair and bat me around and I'm blinking from the hot sauce in my eye, but nothing hurts because it's only the valley of the shadow of death and i should fear no evil but the agony is the fear and i can see the fear even in their eyes, fear of their own violence. and then I know what "take up your cross" means and the thorn in Paul's side and i start babbling bible verses which makes them all angrier and more violent and my sister is screaming in the next room it's really bad for her but she was always tougher and more saint-like and I realized why jesus stood dumb under torture because saying anything makes everything worse so he just stood there and let them vent everything on him but it wasn't masochism it was compassion and innocence and helplessness and the moment I calm down a little and try to emanate love, they get more vicious and start yelling at me not to look at them and they all start going for my eyes and I keep telling myself that it's just the valley, just the shadow, not real, death isn't real just a dream, but I can't take anymore and i start keening. i wake up myself up with my own sounds and wonder if taking up the cross means being a container for nightmares and would it be okay if i would hold these guilty things for a little while to shoulder some of the world's burdens if only for a short nightmare here and there? As I lie there and catch my breath i am flooded with endorphins, peace and comfort and i see St. Stephen's face illuminated by joy as he is pelted with rocks. and yea though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil for thou art with me next to the still waters of dreaming paralyzed but it's the fear that will get you every time so watch out for that next time. good job.
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