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Old 02-18-2010, 12:11 AM   #4017
Marcus Bales
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: In a coign of the cliff between lowland and highland, at the sea-down's edge between windward and lee, walled round with rocks as an inland island, the ghost of a garden fronts the sea.
Posts: 8,967
leucipottomy - removal of the homophonic nodes

An English doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:

"Fair fa' yer sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
As lang's my arm."

The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, who immediately launches into:

"Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit."

And suddenly the next patient sits up and declaims.

"Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"

"Well," said the Englishman to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "This is the Serious Burns Unit."

Remember, only a leucipottomy can prevent punning.
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