Funeral Blues

[Avalon]

On Thursday, May 27th, 2004, my beloved brother Jeff, died.
He had the flu on Monday; was worse on Tuesday and hospitalized Tuesday evening. I spent all day Weds. at the hospital and all night Weds. night. My brother died at 11:47 am, Thursday morning. A vibrant, healthy man gone in a blink of an eye.
He was 38 years old and has an 8 year old son. He was my best pal, my co-conspiritor, my partner in crime. His death has left a hole in my heart and in my life that will never heal. We spoke every day about nothing..just stuff. To think I will never hear his voice again or see his face at my door, brings me pain the likes of which I have never known.
How do people recover from a loss such as this? We were attached at the hip from the day of his birth. Through my first marriage and divorce and through his. Nothing ever came between the closeness we shared; the sick, twisted sense of humor that we both have, the passion for our children, or our sense of family. We could rag on each other, but no one else had better ever say anything. He was my staunchest defender and my biggest critic.
I do not blog; this is the only place I could vent. I apologize.

Jeff, this is for you. It is how I feel. They are not my words, but you will understand, I am sure. I will miss you everyday for the rest of my life. You were the best little brother, best friend, and best tormenter in history. You were a fantastic daddy to Jordan.

I will try to be strong for mom, Jordan and the rest of the family, but I will never be the same, ever. We all drew our strength from you.

I love you baby brother.
dlz

FUNERAL BLUES by W.H.Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

[Spicy Jack]

so sorry avvy...

you're in my prayers.

[nycwriters]

Oh honey ...

... I have no words.

I'm so sorry.

[Smartypants]

Oh, Av.

Words fail me, too. I am so sorry.

[topcat]

avalon, i am so sorry for your lose.

[lapietra]

ohhh... poor sweetheart...

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine.
I don't have any siblings - a stepsister who I'm not close to. The only thing I have to go by are dear friends... and even that isn't like a sibling...
Don't be sorry for reaching out like this. We are here for you. Lean on us.

[funkytuba]

Something very similar happened to one of my immediate family back when. My deepest sympathies to you and all who are affected by his death.

I hope you can work through this loss and move ahead always remembering what he meant to you.

[Audreyvgs]

Av, I'm so sorry this happened...focus on Jordan, on the part you have and can still hold...apples don't fall too far from the tree. He needs you.

Time. That's the only thing that can help, and still, it isn't enough for now.

[priceyfatprude]

Oh Avvy!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. You & your extended family will be in my thoughts & prayers.

*hugs*

[Willow Sylph]

Ava, I am so so sorry. I can only begin to imagine how you are feeling. I have a twin brother that I have always been exceptionally close to and I don't know how I would survive if he died. Honey, I'm sending you a big long cyber hug. I will be thinking about you, your brother's son, and your family. Don't apologize for needing to talk about this. Post as much as you want. I am here for you. We are all here for you.

[zenbabe]

I don't know what I would do if I lost my little brother. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I am so sorry for your loss sweetheart........I am sure he is around you right now and knows that you will take care the parts of him that he left on this earth.

[sparticle]

OMG -- I am so sorry.....

my thoughts and prayers are with you -- I cannot imagine what you are going through.

love,

celia

[masterofNone]

there aren't enough ways to say we're sorry for your loss. but we are. not enough ways to say you're in our prayers. but you are. not enough ways to wish we could help you through your grief. but we do. take the time you need for yourself. find the time to remember and cherish his life. the way we honor the lives of those we love is with our tears.

[bealeblues]

oh avs---- please please let us know if there is anything that any monkey can do for you.... we all are collectively keeping you in our thoughts and prayers

[Hermione]

I am sorry Avalon. You and your family are in my prayers.