Journal of Shif Tingmind. - ZEFRANK.COM

Cr.Box · 01-30-2003, 08:15 PM

August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night.

August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me."

August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed."

August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I ****ed it all up. Then she left.

August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it."

September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. ***k her. ***k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore."

September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her.

September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips"

Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment."

Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed."

Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone."

Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"

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01-30-2003, 08:15 PM	#11
Cr.Box monkey Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Colorado Posts: 26	August 19th, 1988. "Yesterday seemed to slip by without notice. today I barely remember getting up. I am getting this swelling notion that someday I will need to change. Had the process dream again last night. August 22, 1988. "Ran into M. She said I looked like shit. I looked into the mirror in the cafe and hardly recognized myself. Waves of nauseau washed over me." August 23, 1988. "walked to the corner today to get some coffee, an older man was digging in the dumpster for food. His wife was standing next to him staring at me. I remembered how much I miss being missed." August 27, 1988. "I didn't sleep at all last night. She came over around 1 o'clock, drunk, to remind me how I **ed it all up. Then she left. August 31, 1988: "Seemed to have lost the last couple of days. I remember seeing her that night. I remember the fight. Then it all went black. So black. A bottomless pit. My answering machine light is flashing. Afraid to listen to it." September 2, 1988: "September. A new month, a new bottle, a new perspective. k her. **k this, I'm out here. I'll show her my "inabilty to identify emotion" I mean what a stupid message. Dumb whore." September 3, 1988: Who would have guessed that moving out of the city would be such a bitch! Now I'm stuck here with all this crap, and I can't even afford to go to the bar anymore. Maybe I'll call her. September 4, 1988: "Again the dream. But clearer. The process is the same but this time I'm able to see. The light was different. My hand is put into a vice and squeezed. A man, a doctor I think takes my arm, his back is to my face and he is blocking my vision but I crane my neck. He's using an exacto knife. the nice ones with the rubberized grips" Sept. 6, 1988: "This new town sucks. The radio station keeps playing that freakin' Bobby McFerrin tune "Don't worry, be happy." I don't give a SHIT if it is the number one song on the charts, I swear to God I'm going to go down to the station and throttle the DJ. ... There is sadly abso-fvcking-lutely nothing to be happy about right now. I did buy some acid wash jeans though. They're cool. Good investment." Sept. 7, 1988: "My life has hit a new low without her. Spent the day watching horrible daytime T.V.. I swear one of the contestants on "The Price is Right" looked just like her. She was in my dreams last night. Not the usual, this time it was in black and white, and scratchy, like an old movie. I actually watched an entire episode of Santa Barbara today....life is sad. At least Mason and Julia kissed." Sept. 10, 1988: "Went to the only bar in this godforsaken shithole of a suburb last night. Called her, drunk, from the payphone in the bar. She wasn't home, I got the drone of her answering machine. Not sure what I said, but at least she couldn't yell at me. I drank more and took the waitress home. She called me back this morning. She knew I wasn't alone." Sept. 11, 1988: "I wish I could remember the name of that waitress. I need to pay more attention some times. I'll just go get her tonight, if she hasn't given herself to some other slob by the time I get there. I haven't heard from her today. I wonder if I should worry so much about that. Why should she get so much of my time, when I get so little of her's?"