Family reunion!

[melissa]

Monkeys! I'm back from California and jeez! It was crazy. I'm going to post an email that I sent out to friends because I don't want to type it all again! It's pretty long, but good reading, I think!


First off: it was really great to see my dad and we got along and I really like him. He's not a bad guy, he just doesn't know how to be a Father. Seeing grandma was weird just because she is so distant. I'm not used to people displaying so little emotion.

My aunt Nancy was happy to see me, her husband Roman didn't recognize me. Everyone said that I've gotten so much taller!! I think I stopped growing in high school, but whatever. Nancy and Roman's daughter is 36 and is a lesbian and came to dinner with her partner and their 1-year old twin girls. I was happy they were there, I felt like I had some allies. Their girls are very well behaved and pretty cute and Nancy takes pictures of them every 45 seconds! She's a little obsessive of her grandchildren and her cameras and other high-tech gizmos that she buys.

My brother Jim is in jail for multiple DUIs, but his wife (they're still married, but not together anymore) came with their two kids and her boyfriend (who seems like a good guy). Their son is 17 and their daughter is 13 and they seem pretty well behaved and polite.

My dad's younger brother Jeff showed up with his "old lady" Michelle. These were two of the scariest people I've ever had to interact with. Jeff looks like an unkept mountain man who hasn't bathed in months. Michelle doesn't talk, she yells. Apparently Jeff gets drunk and hits her and knocks her teeth out. She has different personal boundaries than I do and she also has the unfortunate habit of spraying a constant spray of spit as she talks. I spent the dinner with an invisible wall between me and Jeff and Michelle so I wouldn't see the food fall out of their mouths as they talked non-stop. Jeff has a son, Jay, who is a year younger than I am. Jay brought his wife and their 2 year old daughter (who is a devil child) and their 3 month old son, who never made a sound. The daughter was one of the worst behaved children I've ever been around. Everyone commented on how great it is that the baby is so quiet and all I could think about is: how healthy is that? Dad later told me that when Jay had gotten his wife pregnant (the first time) the cops brought him in for statutory rape. What is the age of consent in California? I sure don't know, but the judge told Jay that if he brought in signed permission from her parents and a marriage license he'd drop the charges. So Jay went to the girl's parents (who are heroin addicts) and came back with their permission and married her.

The next day Dad and I drove out to Palermo to see my oldest brother John. He is 37 and has been in and out of prison since he was 19. He's been out of prison since February of this year and it's the longest stretch of being out of prison since he started going in. He has a 19 year old girlfriend who he met in the welfare office who is slightly mentally retarded. Dad says that John likes to be with women who he can control and this girl sat by his side with a wide-eyed smile on her face and didn't do a thing without John's OK.

Dad took me shopping and we actually missed the crowds and we even had fun! He told me that he's really proud of me for graduating and that he's mad at himself for not helping me and I told him that being mad at himself doesn't do either of us any good. I hope that we are able to just move forward from this point and be adults and find friendship. I really enjoyed my time with him and I found him to be very honest and way more self-aware than I expected. It was really obvious to me that he really does care about me and that this trip meant so much to him.

Crazy people, huh? I seriously can't make any of this up and it's a good thing I didn't have any expectations because I wouldn't have been prepared for any of it. This trip has made me appreciate (once more) how happy I am that Niki and Virginia took me in when they did and I'm so grateful for all that I've experienced in my life and for all that I have: mostly my happiness and the fact that I know I'm responsible for myself. I am so grateful for the support system that I have and knowing that I have so many people who care about me and who really know me allows me to have adventures like this.

[priceyfatprude]

Awww, Honeybee! I'm so glad you had a good time!

[melissa]

No matter what happens with that side of the family, the lesson that trip tought me is appreciation. I came back so much more in love with this city, my cats, my house, my boyfriend, my job, my outlook on life, everything. I'm so grateful to be back home and in my routine.

Pfp: how was your thanksgiving?

[priceyfatprude]

It was ok. Next year I have to spend w/my father's side. I keep forgetting his cousin Mike & wife & kids only come for Thanksgiving. I haven't seen them in prolly 10 years. So that'll be cool.

I was so worried bout you, I'm glad I worried for nothing.

[melissa]

You're such a dear! That means so much to me. Really, it does. Family is weird, especially when you only see them once every 10 years!

[Coffee]

Congrats on a great adventure Melissa. Glad you and your Dad had a good time. I hope you two find a friendship.

[Avalon]

Melissa,
I am so happy that your trip was rewarding. I hope this trend continues for you in the future; sometimes age is the only teacher people listen to. Your dad seems to have learned a little something. Congrats to you both.

[Magpie]

What a great thing to read Melissa! I'm really happy that you found that common ground with your Dad. It must really fill in some blanks for you (and him)... great way to wrap up 2004

[Hermione]

Wow Melissa! I'm glad you learned a lot from your trip!

"I am so grateful for the support system that I have and knowing that I have so many people who care about me and who really know me allows me to have adventures like this."

That is soo nice!! I hope you have a great week

[tsunamimom]

I'm so glad you were able to connect with your family and had a good time while you were away. It also says lots about your board 'family' here that you are able to post such personal stuff, knowing you'll only get love and support from them.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Audreyvgs]

Melissa, I'm glad you reported back...I was wonderin how that would go. Isn't it amazing how God gave you a life separate from theirs, but in contact. I don't ever talk about God much, but this looks like a case of destiny to me. It sure was inneresting!

[sparticle]

Your experience proves that the only things really necessary for a happy holiday season are love and tolerance. Everything else is just "extras".

I am very glad that it went well for you. Good for you, and you are to be commended for taking a very brave, loving and forthright step in relations with your family. Many people have been at the "eh, why bother?" point with their families for far less divergent differences. Good for you, and I'm glad it worked out.

And good for you for not using differences and bygones as an excuse not to accept the invitation. You're a good example to everyone with family differences.

Everything can be settled if approached in a loving manner. I firmly believe that.

[melissa]

Thanks for all the responses, friends! It means a lot to me to hear feedback.

[Willow Sylph]

Mel, it sounds like you had a really great time and things are looking up with yer Pa. Good for you!

[surflugen]

WOW, that is some trip Mel. I did the opposite and brought my California liberal, tree hugging, familly to Kansas to visit my Grandmother and my mothers side of the familly. We spent a nice Thanxgiving at my Ants farm in S. Kansas. It was beautiful. Despite my fears that they would corner us and pray for our souls, the familly was more happy to meet baby Jake and my wife Grace. Luckly I made our travel plans short (4 days) and that was almost to much to see the sites in the Wichita area. The whole Thanxgiving on the farm with 40 of my familly members I haven't seen in two decades really put a warm feeling in my hart, but seeing how they live and and hearing there veiws of what they think California is all about made me feel even better about making California my perminat home. Pictures to come. Can we see some photos of your visit too?