Terrible Twos

[trisherina]

I just wanna smooch him.

[madasacutsnake]

Ally.

A drum kit?

No.

I found it helped to change my frame of reference from

"being a mummy is a really good and fun thing"

to

"it truly greatly sucks cow's big hairy smelly *ss".

[funkytuba]

Originally posted by Magpie
Actually, when my 3 weren't dissolved in tears on the floor (or me for that matter) I loved this stage in my kids. But I feel for you Ally as it can really be difficult on the both of you. Try and keep in mind that up until now, he followed *your* clues, your moods to dictate his own. You smiled - he smiled, you were tense - he was tense. All the sudden, he's venturing out on his own but looking to you for answers and direction. At the same time, it's so amazing how quickly they learn at this age. It really is a time of fast track development... it's no wonder they become overwhelmed with it all!

Expect defiance, exploration and testing your limits... that's his world right now. I tried to keep things simple at this age.

Options, options, Options - If he's in the "NO!" stage, then avoid yes/no questions. Get in the habit of offering him options like, Would you like an apple or a banana? Re-direct dangerous or unwanted behavior by offering him options too... "You can't climb on the chair it's not safe; would you like to sit on the chair or sit on the floor? that kind of thing. Giving him options within the context of your rules allows him a feeling of self control. If he refuses to make a choice after having a moment or two to consider his choices, and it's something that has to be done (holding my hand across the street or being carried was always a big one for my kids), then you override it. He'll catch on that there are also times when he just has to submit to your will

Be consistent - This can be a tough one, especially when you're worn out or have your own personal issues you're dealing with behind the scenes. Trish is so right re: follow thru... don't state a consequence you aren't willing to follow thru with.

Don't create the stage for a tantrum - Chosing to take him to the grocery or somewhere you have to wait when he's tired, hungry, etc.. is just asking for it. He's not old enough to hold it together yet. You have the control over your schedule, he doesn't.
Sounds like you've already got a handle on being creative, keeping him busy, things to do. Sometimes just a change of scenery (walk down the block n' back) is enough to divert his mood (and your own!).

Reasoning is futile during a Tantrum - Once he's *in* a tantrum he's out of reach for reasoning. Trying to reason w/him at this point will only prolong it and expecting much of him in the midst of a tantrum is unreasonable and will only frustrate you more.

Don't lose it - I think it's important to remain unemotional, matter-of-fact when you are correcting, redirecting him. Speak the rules, consequences, options calmly, simply and clearly. If you are so frazzled that you're not able to do this, it's not a good time to expect much from either of you. Sometimes I'd just stop myself, announce that we all needed a "time out" and head to the bed or couch with some kid books It's scary for a kid to see their parent losing control.

Pick your battles - It's not necessary to correct every darn thing to raise a well behaved child. It's even ok to give in sometimes, he won't be scarred for life.

Time outs - State what the time-out is for and how long it will be. Then return when time's up to conclude it with a positive redirection. Also, it's not a given that time out's work with all kids.

Wear him out - Allowing him to physically work off all that energy, frustration, confusion is definately a good thing!

Time Flies and Humor - Keep in mind that little Leo has only been on this earth 30 months AND you've only been doing this Mom-Thing for that long as well! He'll need lots of reminding, you'll need lots of patience Give yourself a break, make time for yourself Ally Keep the humor flowing and remember to cherish the good moments. It's all true, what they say about them growing up so fast.

You'll be happy to know that the same things that work with 2 year old's also seem to work with 12-13 year olds cause I swear my daughter is going through the "terrible 12's"

Taking notes....needed to see it again.

[ally]

drum kit yes, bloody tree means I cant play it atm though argh!

[Magpie]

He's gorgeous Ally! Hey, you're doing better than me... no tree up yet and my kids put up the outside lights themselves (ladders and all ) - they are... umm, interesting

[ally]

Ha ha, yeah at mum's house she put up a little tree in her kitchen & it was leo who put the decorations on it ( & made a few of them too) & umm, well, yes interesting is a pretty good word to describe it!! I love kids' ways of doing stuff likethat, it gives thing a genuine feel, ok so it usually looks all lopsided & messy but they're so proud of it!