questions, dammit.

[lapietra]

zero is expressly forbidden to answer any of these.

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?

5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?

There. Go to it. More if you're good. (I mean it, zero.)

[craig johnston]

what is this, a job application?

1, i would have a picture of pamela anderson tatooed on the tip of my thingy.

2, the wedding in hastings (can you arrange that? please?!)

3, jj the detroit diva

4, a chocolate making wotsit

5, that one with the room full of thai chicks

6, well hung

7, island by aldous huxley

8, vernon phillpot

9, i would lock michael jackson away and make him listen to pulp albums

10, the old musicians benevolent fund

[daverbee]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?
Two tats: A Yin/Yang symbol with a dragon entwined around it on my right shoulder. A Zero on my left shoulder in protest that Zero has been banned from this questionairre.

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?
Christmas 1995. I had recently severed a flexor tendon in my left hand and was one-handed. The government had recently been shut down thanks to Newt Gingrich so all the nat'l parks and forests in Western North Carolina were closed. We spent the week sitting in the house feeding wood onto the fire and watching television. The one day we went out, we had a flat tire and it took me two hours to change it.

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?

Every day, for six hours or more...

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?


5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?
Can't go into detail, but it would involve Eva Longoria.

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?
Oopsy Daisy.

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?
Earthsea.

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?
My Teacher.

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?
This would be a list way too long for here. It would consist mostly of statesmen, not all of whom would come from this country...

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?
UNICEF.

[Clytie]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and
what image would you select?
light featherly wings spanning from the middle of my back at the shoulder blades to up and
just down my arm (either that or an eternity symbol on my hip)

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your
money back, what vacation would you choose?
Disney 1997

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?
(left blank on purpose)

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?


5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?
covered in the clear night sky
his wings whisper in the dark air
irridescent blue green shimmers
fall into her dark tresses
the moon falls upon their shoulders
in a warm rosy glow
illuminating her pixielike shape
while his wings fold around them
the night deepens as the rain
caresses the entangled pair

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?
Cartwheels

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?
NeverLand (PeterPan) ok its a childrens book...but i love the innocence

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?
Michael

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?
...im not that mean...

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?
World Vision

[karma_queen]

1. i am considering getting a small heart tattooed on my hip. need to get over a phobia of needles first though!

2. a holiday my dad decided would be fun for me and my sister. i was 10 and she was 7 at the time. he dragged us around alsace and had to stay in a nasty poncy house which was covered in geraniums, and therefore smelt foul. and the neighbours all had horrible dogs that attacked us whenever we went outside. we hated every minute of it, but my dad had a great time.

3. jude law (drool)

4. i need to be a toaster. ours has broken, and having to use the grill is driving me insane

5. the one i had last night. it involved a new pair of shoes. god, how shallow am i? i'm not even that much of a shoe person...

6. ...karma queen?

7. dolce vita by iseult teran. very glamourous, but full of deluded people

8. adam. he'd always read my grumpy ramblings and write me a nice reply

9. bush, although i'd rather he was locked up for eternity

10. unicef

[Frieda]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?
jolly roger on my ass somewhere

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?
none, vacations are cool. but if i'd have to choose i'd pick my vacation to florida of a couple of years ago, because i paid most ofr that and i could really use the money right now.

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?
Uma

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?
chain saw

5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?
the one with the dragon

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?
Triple Cripple

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?
i'd go for Ankh-Morpork as described in the Discworld novels

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?
no idea

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?
i have a lot of customers from work that i'd like to lock up and make them listen to celine dion.

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?
some animal rights organization

[Saxifrage]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?

>>"This end up" tattooed on my forehead

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?

>>My wonderful trip to gorgeous Biloxi Mississippi

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?

>>

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?

>>A swingline stapler

5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?

>>You do not want to know

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?

>>Are We There Yet

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?

>>The Amber Chronicles by Roger Zelazny

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?

>>Charlie Manson, cuz he's here, he's there, he's everywhere man! He's in you, he's in me, everybody is Charlie! WOOT wubba wubba...kaaaaazing!

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?

>>One room and one day is simply not enough. (to be honest I would rather not torment anyone)

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?

>>The "Saxifrage Fiscal Solvency Foundation"

[Malmal11787]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?

An elephant on my left shoulder blade.

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?

None, all of my vacations are usually chaotic free.

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?

I have to go along with Karma on this one and say Jude Law. God, he is gorgeous with clothes on just imagine him nude....

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?

A vending machine.

5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?

The one I use to have when I was younger that used to wake me up but then I could never remember it.

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?

Beauty Be Me.

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?

Harry Potter, who doesnt want to have magical powers?

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?

My sister, just bc she has the coolest sense of humor and I could send alot of stuff to her.

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?

I have no idea, but it has to be someone that dislikes me and I could play a song that I sung in the car or shower and drive them crazy!

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?

Childhelp USA.

[beckstra]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?

Yes, I would get a star, the size of the tip of a pencap on the back of my neck under my hairline.

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?

Jr high camp last summer. I got reemed for no reason. Hell, I'm the best counselor they ever had. I'm not afraid to admit so.

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?

Dolly Parton...because I'm terribly skeptical.

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?

Zach Braff's PC.

5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?

The one where I'm a writer and I get married to Adam Duritz.

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?

Brown-Eyed Girl

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?

Franny and Zooey - JD Salinger

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?

Yr mom...kidding. It'd be my mom.

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?

Aaron the red-haired boy from 6th grade. I'd flash pictures of bad teeth all over the walls. Until he puked. Until he cried. Then I'd make him apologize for single-handedly determining my fate with men with that one little comment.

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?

I'd give it all to a scholarship for nephrology med majors.

[Gatsby]

If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?
I'd probably get a vine tattooed around my ankle. But I can't, cause of work.

If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?
I can't think of a single one. I love to travel.

If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?

HAHAHAHAHA

If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?
A Time Machine


If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?
Any one where I can fly.

If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?
Horseracing is mean.

If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?
On The Road by Jack Kerouac

If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?
Well, if it were a back and forth correspondence thing, then Ghandi.

If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?
That's easy, GWB. I'd torment him by playing hours and hours of graphic war footage, Clockwork-Orange-style.

If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?
Greenpeace.

[LadyCrow]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?

Left calf to cover a few small scars; something Celtic; or maybe my snake.

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?

It's been a while since I've taken a vacation, but I'd rather keep the memories of all of 'em.

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?



4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?



5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?

Where I met Kurt Cobain, and asked him why he killed himself.

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?

Ham And Eggs (name of a real racehorse; the name's always stuck w/me)

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?

I've been debating this for a long time now. (I'm such a geek!) It'd have to be the world of Melanie Rawn's Dragon Prince and Dragon Star trilogies; of course, I like her Exiles world too.

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?

My niece.

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?

My sister, & I'd razz her endlessly about her grey hair. I'm so nice.

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?

Hospice, as they took wonderful care of my great aunt when she was dying @ my mother's house.

There. Go to it. More if you're good.

Aww, thanks Lala.

[ally]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?

I would get a star, on the soul of my foot.

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?

A trip to the Alpes a few summers ago.

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?

Mmmm, there are a few, mostly women at that.

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?

A computer I guess.

5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?

I only remember nightmares, so none.

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?

Lazyarse

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?

The chocolate factory (in the Roald Dahl books)

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?

My son.

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?

Ha ha, now there's an idea, uhh, difficult though, I don't really dislike anyone enough to want to torment them, wouldn't mind being locked in a room with Johnny Depp for a day though.

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?

Something that helps kids.

[madasacutsnake]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?

I just keep thinking of this story concerning an orifice and certain words.........

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?

Canberra. It was bad, plus our side lost the election.

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?

Bush. And I would hide his clothes too.

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?

Something that stamps things or punches holes in them.

5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?

Any of the ones where I go back in time.

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?

Needs Grass.

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?

My Brilliant Career - at Caddagat, not Possum Gully.

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?

Troll Princess.

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?

LMc, EW, JB, BR and IMc. First, I present the boys with uteri. Then I paralyse them. Then I run a sh*tload of Syntocinon through, then I cut them open and give their guts a squeeze. Then I give them broken morph pumps but forget to turn them on. Then I tell them they all have low pain tolerances. They get off lightly seeing as there's a time limit of one day on this thing.

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?

St Luke's church in Malawi.

[amanda]

for the record, I am passively protesting zero's absence by mixing up the questions.

> If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?
the uncrackable pistachio

> If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?
fly, baby. Fly.

> If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?
playgrounds for change. but I'll have to start it first.

> If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?
the paper recycling guy

>If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?
perpetual

> If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?
either steven wright or david sedaris. so I can listen to either one make fun of himself.

> If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?
nearly had this decision a few weekends ago. thankfully, i dodged it. don't like tats (on me). but for the purpose of this interview, a sumi-e style bamboo stem along the spine.

> If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?
new zealand. so I can do it all over again, for the first time.

> If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?
no novels, but plenty of poems.
like this one:

Benedicto: May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome,
dangerous, leading to the most amazing view.
May your rivers flow without end,
meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells,
past temples and castles and poets’ towers
into a dark primeval forest where tigers belch and monkeys howl,
through miasmal and mysterious swamps and down into a desert
of red rock,
blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone,
and down again into a deep vast ancient unknown chasm
where bars of sunlight blaze on profiled cliffs,
where deer walk across the white sand beaches,
where storms come and go
as lightning clangs upon the high crags,
where something strange and more beautiful
and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams
waits for you-
beyond that next turning of canyon walls.

Edward Abbey

yes, I would like to live in a world like that, please. Thank you.

> If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?
Our fearless leader, George Walker Bush. I would place him in the center of a room with an audience surrounding him. An audience not chosen by him. Not chosen by any of his aides. In fact, a purely random selection of folks from around the world. And he will have listen to them without interruption, without scripts. Without a response. Just LISTEN and PAY ATTENTION.

[RuneT]

1. If you had to go tonight to be tattooed, where on your body would you have it done and what image would you select?
a kite on my arm would be nice

2. If you could cancel one vacation you have taken, lose all memory of it, and get your money back, what vacation would you choose?
so far so good, none

3. If you could see anyone alive fully naked, who would you select?
Omg, ehhh, omg, mmmm, omg I can't decide.

4. If you were to be a machine, what machine would you be?
a plane

5. If you could realize a dream that you have had while asleep, what dream would you pick?
superman

6. If you were a racehorse, what would you be named?
Whip lash

7. If you could occupy the world described in a novel, which would you choose?
Snorre king saga

8. If you could write letters to only one person for the rest of your life, who would receive them?
a journalist

9. If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you could torment them for a day, who would you choose, and how would you torment them?
Bossman. I would proably kill him.

10. If you had to donate everything you own to a charity that you have never given to previously, which charity would you give to?
some organisation trying to inforce the kyoto agreement.