Frailty: an Alphabet Poem

[Con ate dog]

One of the tragedies of my childhood was that I never had, or even read or heard of, The Ghastlycrumb Kids. It was an alphabet poem of rhyming couplets, each documenting how a child died. To paraphrase for example: "M is for Marge, smothered under a rug; N is for Norman, done in by a thug."

Grisly child deaths has been done, though, so let's find gentle (or damning, if you prefer) humour in verse: unflattering portraits of fictional adults, alphabetically, in rhyming couplets. 2 to a customer.


Alice felt ugly, so gave herself cheap,
Ben grew a beard 'cause he though it looked Deep