Thread Killers Thread

[Deviate]

sparticle - the drama was started when someone saw it fit to make a slam on me in a very distasteful way. maybe, since the majority (if not all) the board does share in my sensitivity on this subject they saw it unnecessary to comment. but it was distasteful, and it was aimed at me, and if i find it necessary to respond it doesn't make me immature. in fact, the immaturity in me kept silent about it for as long as i did.

also, sparticle, please recognize that i didn't respond on this issue for some time, so i was not 'quick to assume that everyone has a problem with [my] gender identity. also, please recognize that there is a definite difference between someone who says, "i don't have a problem with" and someone who is an ally. consider: the frequent scenario of the person who states they don't have a problem with race, or with any person because of their race, but then keeps silent when they hear a racist joke. silence perpetuates. and i almost stayed silent.

internalized oppression is a funny thing - it teaches you that you have no right to challenge the majority, that you have no right to be upset, and that you should keep your mouth shut when someone attacks you. it's very similar to external oppression.

trish - i guess what is bothering me is that if this were an attack on someone based on the minority identities i listed, the board would have been all over the person. the reason why this one is avoided is because it is an issue that the community fails to look at as valid. it is an issue with this space i've had for some time (hence my waning participation), and the objectionable post in question is evident of this nature. it is okay to make fun of those who are gender-variant, and if you do so you will not be challenged.

brynn - you are correct; i didn't consider the possibility of the 'ignore' feature.

and thanks to those of you who are trying to use humour to diffuse the situation. i'm sorry, but this is a very important, real, and difficult issue for me, if not for the rest of you, and i am afraid that the light-hearted banter only detracts from that. however, in most situations i appreciate trying to keep spirits up.

perhaps i'm the one, yet again, who is out of line. however i only felt it was necessary to comment after mentioning this to another board member over dinner and this person seemed to share my distaste in the post. once i realized my emotional reaction may not have been based in personal over-sensitivity i began to contemplate making a statement.

please consider possible parallels drawn up by an acquaintance: if an infertile woman was joked about her inabilty to carry a child or if a person with disabilities was taunted about their lack of motion. my identity was challenged, and in that i was challenged.

if the board collectively would like to write this off as my interest in starting drama than so be it. it would be terribly depressing to see this as the one issue this group refused to be sensitive towards, especially approaching the board's (and my) third anniversary.

but again, i have been distressed at the lack of sensitivity to gender issues on this board for some time. and i have commented much less frequently than i have had issue. "can't change the world," and, "what's the point?" and, "it's your issue, not theirs," have been thoughts that have kept me from speaking.

i don't come to this board to fight for rights or recognition - i used to come for collaboration, humour, information, and the occasional friendship. i hoped i would find understanding and a bit of protection on the sh*t i get from the regular world. if that's not going to happen, well, i'll take my chances in the non-virtual world.