Anyone know some good jokes?

[surflugen]

[funkytuba]

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic?



About halfway.

[daverbee]

A priest wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as
well go ahead and enter it in the races.

To his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS.

The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.
The local paper read:
PRIEST'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS.

The bishop had a fit and ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following
headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

[Clytie]

A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items.
Near the cash register he saw a display of baseball caps with "WWJD" printed
on them. Puzzled by what the letters meant, he asked the clerk.

The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do," and that
the question was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but
rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.

The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm sure Jesus wouldn't
pay $17.95 for one of these baseball caps!"

[zenbabe]

The Republican National Committee announced today that the Republican Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom. The committee chairman explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting screwed.

[zenbabe]

sits down and orders a beer. He looks around the bar and he spots George (W) Bush and Don Rumsfeld sitting on the other side of the bar. Joe asks the bartender: "Hey is that who I think it is!?" The barkeep says: "Yep. They have been in here drinking for the last few hours." Joe picks up his beer, walks over to them, introduces himself, shacks their hands, and says: "it is an honor to meet you two gentlemen. What are you doing here in this crappy little bar?" GWB says: "Well we are sitting here contemplating world war 3 that we are starting tomorrow." Joe kind of freaks out a bit and says: "What the hell are you guys going to do tomorrow?" Bush says: "First thing in the morning we are going to kill 12 million Islamic extremists and one hot blonde chic with big boobs” Joe stands there in disbelieve for a minute and then says: "why are you going to kill a hot blonde with big tits?" Don Rumsfeld looks at Bush and says: "I told you know one cares about the 12 million Muslims!"

[zenbabe]

so a catholic priest and a jewish rabbi are walking down the street.....

they see a kid with a lemonaid stand...

the catholic priest says "hey, let's go fvck him"

the jewish priest says "out of what?"

[priceyfatprude]

bump

[Jack Flanders]

Originally Posted by priceyfatprude

bump

I found the good jokes thread. Thanx!!! bump

[Marcus Bales]

Originally Posted by Coffee

Most people don't know this but Ghandi had some rather interesting physical problems.
As a result of going barefoot for most of his later life he developed unusually thick callous pads on both his feet.
Also his strict dietary regimine was not always nutritionally adequete as well as his frequent fasting while meditating on the evils and problems of his native India made him very prone to physical injury and bone breakage due to often going short on important nutrients and vitamins..
Also his diet often included strange herbs and very odiferous foods and so he had extremely bad breath.

Ghandi could be said to have been a Super calloused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.

This has been kicking around the internet since the early 90s when I first saw it and, well ...

Gandhi

The loincloth Gandhi wore to greet
His followers was small --
But super-callused soles showed feet
That wore no shoes at all.

His fragile health reduced his meals
Until he looked like death --
The diary of his wife reveals
His halitosis breath.

He followed odd and mystic ways
Down paths to strange effects --
So mystic that his wife got praise
But never any sex.

He changed the world, by fatalistic
Will and sheer osmosis --
This supercallusedfragilemystic-
hexedbyhalitosis.

[ambo]

One of my favorite jokes of all times, and I'm sure you've heard it already, but here goes:

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic ?

You get someone that lies awake all night long wondering if there really is a dog.

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oh shit, i posted this on 9/12/2003, on page 3 of this thread
note to self: get some new goddam jokes, you idjit
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[Master_Jedi]

here we go, this is the stupidest joke ever. ok here we go................................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ........... why aren't you laughing yet