Letters that get me through the day.

[dinzdale]

"Always look on the bright side of life"

rgds
D (Sir Adrian)

[lapietra]

Dear funny little pompous person,

Well, you were quite right to make sure we understood that Mr. W. is "giving his permission" for us to do you the favor of including an ad for your event in our newsletter. It didn't take any effort at all to create the ad from the flyer you sent around, and that space would just have gone to waste otherwise, something we desperately *must* avoid. Think of the trees!

Your faithful and grateful servant,

Moi-la.

[Zeismyhero]

Dear Heathens-with-whom-I-work:

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you were raised in the wild. That way, I won't be offended by your lack of bathroom manners and instead can advise you so that you will behave appropriately.

Please do not:

• leave pee or pubic hairs on the toilet seat

• leave waste in the toilet bowl (look after you flush, and if need be, flush again! No one wants to see your poop!)

• toilet paper on the floor

• paper towels on the floor

• feminine hygeine wrappers scattered about

• leave water all over the countertop

We work for a professional corporation! To land a job here, I know you HAVE to know better! Your bathroom habits are the very reason I seldom eat the food you make for our potluck days...it isn't just that I'm on a perpetual diet. I figure if your house is kept up the same way you keep our bathroom? No thank you!

People, Please!
Zeis

[Frieda]

Originally Posted by Zeismyhero

Dear Heathens-with-whom-I-work:

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you were raised in the wild. That way, I won't be offended by your lack of bathroom manners and instead can advise you so that you will behave appropriately.

Please do not:

• leave pee or pubic hairs on the toilet seat

• leave waste in the toilet bowl (look after you flush, and if need be, flush again! No one wants to see your poop!)

• toilet paper on the floor

• paper towels on the floor

• feminine hygeine wrappers scattered about

• leave water all over the countertop

We work for a professional corporation! To land a job here, I know you HAVE to know better! Your bathroom habits are the very reason I seldom eat the food you make for our potluck days...it isn't just that I'm on a perpetual diet. I figure if your house is kept up the same way you keep our bathroom? No thank you!

People, Please!
Zeis

you must be working where i work

sometimes the shit is on the wall and the door. it's amazing and disgusting at the same time

[trisherina]

Dear Immune System,

You can keep my thyroid; science has had that one covered for decades. My connective tissue -- well, we'll talk about that, work a trade around the GI maybe, one or the other but not both? And really, if buccal mucosa is all that much fun for you, be my guest. I can eat soft foods.

However, let me be clear regarding all things neurological: they are off limits. Okay? Keep in mind that you need me to munch on, and if I see the wrong kind of consent form coming across the table, you might not have me around for handi-snacks anymore. Just a friendly thought!

Yours from Stockholm,
Trish

[jasmina]

Originally Posted by Frieda

you must be working where i work

sometimes the shit is on the wall and the door. it's amazing and disgusting at the same time

I'm not going to go into the "red alert" type area.
I think you all know what I mean.
Nasty nasty nasty. Girls, clean it up! Ugh.

[jasmina]

Originally Posted by trisherina

Dear Immune System,

etc.

Yours from Stockholm,
Trish

Dear Trish's Immune System,

Just two words (well ok, four)

DON'T MESS WITH US

We outnumber you by far, by sheer will power. And TrishPower. (oh I like that - can I patent it? Is that possible?)
uuh ok well anyway -
The Ze Monkeys WILL come get you.
So watch your back.
Yours from wherever you fear the most.


PS - 'Rina -this is what you look like - except with better legs!

[beckstra]

Dear Spring Fever,

If you're not going to guide someone in my direction, please keep your fat head out of my biznass.

Thanks, you.
Me

[priceyfatprude]

Originally Posted by Frieda

you must be working where i work

Apparently we all work at the same place.

Dear Co-Workers around the world:

The air freshener is sitting not 2 feet from the toilet for a REASON. IF YOU POOP, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use it afterwards. And then AGAIN, AFTER you flush.

Also, it's called a courtesy flush. Do the Courtesy FLush, spray some air freshener above your head & carry on.

Or learn how to poop flowers.

Respectfully Submitted,

Peef

[Hermione]

Dear Sophomore year of college,

I'm so glad you're ending.


Dear Board and it's wonderful members,


I've missed you. I've been busy with school and extracurricular activities. I hope everyone is doing well.

[melissa]

Surbhi,

I bet you're the shining star on your campus.

Melissa

[beckstra]

Dear checkbook,
Go balance yourself so I can pay my bills.
Becks

Dear world,
A stock broker? You've got to be kidding me. What happened to politics or writing or teaching? Good lord you've got a sense of humor.
Becks

Dear bed,
I hear you. I'm coming.
Bacco

[Jack Flanders]

Dear Surbhi, Congrats to the ending of year #2 of school. You've been busy and hope you can relax for awhile.

[smellyrayzin]

dear finals,


ok.
i've officially lost my mind.
YOU WIN
CONGRATS



- me

[priceyfatprude]

Dear Bed,
Please be more comfortable so I feel like getting into you.

Dear Kidneys,
please stop hurting my back. I am getting you a new bed soon. One that will not move you to hurt me.

Dear CJ,
you notice no one took the challenge, right? just so we're on the same page, guv.

Dear rain,
Go back to London where you belong.