announcements:

[auntie aubrey]

attention: i am dressed inappropriately for work today.



please direct all complaints to the HR department.


thank you.
- auntie

[zero]

effective immediately and until further notice I CANNOT BE ARSED



and someone kindly remove that lorikeet from my hat

that will be all



- lazy manfred

[auntie aubrey]

memorandum to all concerned:

concentration is low, distractibility is high. stay the course and take a quick nap under your desk.



thank you for your support in this initiative,
the ennui management team

[Anna]

In need of new computer.

[Frieda]

announcement:

today is a hot day. yes.

[auntie aubrey]

attention all personnel:

immediate attention and energies must be diverted to investigating how cats manage to stay cool when they wear fur coats all summer. as a related project, please also research the tendency for furry warm-bodied cats to attempt to nap on associates' laps when it is 98 degrees.

please present findings in triplicate form with all necessary documentation and charts.



sincerely,
the crisis management department

[trisherina]

This just in:

I give the **** up.

[12"razormix]

MEMO TO TRISH:

please don't.

[craig johnston]

weed?

[dinzdale]

ATTENTION TO MY CO-IRKERS

2 am is not a suitable start time of the working day.
I'll be glad to help after 9 if you really need me to, but dont count on that.

That is all.

[Frieda]

announcement:

WANTED:

MOSQUITO, FEMALE

also known as Mother****ster, Piece of Ass and You Stinking Little Creature



wanted for:

• several bites on the face (including chin, forehead and lip)
• several bites on the ankle
• a bite on the arm

REWARD:
everlasting gratitude

[auntie aubrey]

Originally Posted by dinzdale

ATTENTION TO MY CO-IRKERS

2 am is not a suitable start time of the working day.
I'll be glad to help after 9 if you really need me to, but dont count on that.

That is all.

this goes on the "oh hell no" bulletin board in the break room.

[Coffee]

Ha, her evil twin was on my boat last night snacking on me...two bites on left arm, one on left side of neck, and one on right wrist.

If said creature, or its head, or it's smooshed carapace, is delivered to me or Frieda...I shall double Frieda's reward.

Thank you in advance.

Originally Posted by Frieda

announcement:

WANTED:

MOSQUITO, FEMALE

also known as Mother****ster, Piece of Ass and You Stinking Little Creature



wanted for:

• several bites on the face (including chin, forehead and lip)
• several bites on the ankle
• a bite on the arm

REWARD:
everlasting gratitude

[Brynn]

Wednesday Memo to all:
Friday will be occurring as previously scheduled in spite of rumours to the contrary. Team members are advised to report to their division managers if they are experiencing persistent deja vu re:Tuesday for updates on the phenomenon and for new therapeutic work assignments.

Thank you,
Mr. Bigmucket

[Anna]

To: Legal Staff
Re: Office Absences

For those of you who missed the presentation on this new procedure: if you are going to be absent for any reason you should call anyone in Legal who will be absent at the same time and that person must call a third person who is not absent but promises not to tell anybody (particularly me) about either absence unless such third person overhears any fourth or fifth parties discussing whether you are absent. We think this new procedure should ensure that the least amount of information concerning your whereabouts will reach the least amount of people in the most amount of time, utilizing the most amount of people. It should work. However, if there is any possible way to communicate less information to less people using more time and people, please feel free to make a recommendation. I think we've made real progress.