Written by a Toronto Cop

[JesusTitties]

Things Police Would Like You to Know


Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid is NOT
a police matter;
talk to the other kid's parents, not the police.

If your kid won't do his homework or do his chores, 911 is not the
answer.

If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes
we get suspended. When is the last time you got 3 days off (without pay)
for rear-ending a guy at Wal-Mart?


We know you've had more than two beers. When I've had two beers, I
didn't hit six parked cars, drive my car through the front doors of a
Toys-R-Us, pee my pants or pass out at a traffic light.


When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens
on, pull to the RIGHT, and stop. We are usually required to pass cars on
the left.

When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you, don't
go 5 MPH under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe of a
driver you can be, we're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in
the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass please.

If you get a warning instead of a ticket from a motorcycle cop, go buy a
lottery ticket, because you've already beaten the odds.

When you see an officer conducting a traffic stop, or with a suspect in
handcuffs, it is generally not a good idea to approach him and ask for
directions. If you do, don't expect the officer to be nice when he tells
you to get lost, and don't expect the officer to take the time to explain.

Here's how to get out of a ticket. Don't break the law.

If you drive a piece of crap, that is why you're getting pulled over.

In one week I pulled over 10 cars for minor traffic violations. 5 out of
10 had no vehicle insurance. 3 out of 10 had suspended driver's licenses. 2
out of 10 had warrants. 1 out of 10 had felony warrants. 1 was a known sex
offender with his 12 year old niece in the car without her mothers
knowledge.

If you've just been pulled over doing 70 in a 35, do not greet the
officer with, "What seems to be the problem, officer?"

We get coffee breaks too.


When you're the victim of a burglary, take the time you spend waiting
for the officer to find the model number and the serial number of the stuff
that was taken.

Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops
don't like them either.


If it's nighttime and you're driving a vehicle with tinted windows and I
pull you over, it's not because of your skin color. I usually can't tell if
the vehicle even has a driver until the windows rolled down.


Every time you hear on the news about people running away from a crazed
gunman, someone's son or daughter in a police uniform is running TOWARD
that crazed gunman.

Yes, it's true, cops usually don't give other cops tickets. Think of it
as an employee discount, perk or benefit. Other cops are family and you
wouldn't give your brother a ticket if you were a cop either.


If your local police agency has a helicopter, everyone knows it's loud
and annoying, but did you know it can cover the same area as 20 patrol
officers and safely chase criminals that are driving 90 MPH through city
streets. Many times the guy has no idea it's there and slows down.

Police work is.... writing reports.

If you rob a gas station you're only going to get about $100, but I get
to see a K9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the
$100.


In one year of patrol work in a large city, only about ten minutes would
be cool enough to be on the television show Cops.


Every traffic stop could end in gunfire, but we have to be polite and
professional until that time.

I've taken about the same amount of men and women to jail for domestic
violence, so NO, it's not always the man.


People love fire fighters(especially my wife).


If the light was yellow, we wouldn't be having this conversation.


Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops' salaries.

Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops' salaries so, hey, this traffic
stop is on me. Now sign here; press hard. There are four copies.

Police Officers...our job is to protect your butt, not kiss it.

[zenbabe]

If he is a cop, then which fire fighters are his wife loving?

[Frieda]

maybe the wife is the fire fighter

[zenbabe]

^^^^^^ ahhhh, I didn't even think of that!

[Max Headroom]

I hate Toronto

[priceyfatprude]

If you drive a piece of crap, that is why you're getting pulled over.

i could relate to that one, too

[Frieda]

i never got pulled over driving the strawberry!

[lapietra]

noogle

[dinzdale]

Originally Posted by Frieda

i never got pulled over driving the strawberry!

because there is no minimum speed limit in the Netherlands?

cute lil' strawberry

[Frieda]

Originally Posted by dinzdale

because there is no minimum speed limit in the Netherlands?

170 km/h is the fastest i've ever gotten the strawberry to drive. and that's pretty fast for a 4-speed, 1.0 engine biscuit tin.

i'm selling her actually, anyone interested? maybe as a relic or decorational item?

[Coffee]

Originally Posted by Frieda

i never got pulled over driving the strawberry!

And you have to take into account the Pity-factor.

[Frieda]

look how pretty she is!



well, that's when she was younger. she's aged beautifully though.