The Adventures of Idiot Boy

[MarsViolet]

Idiot boy stretched contentedly as his mouth opened into a huge and stinky yawn. He felt an odd pang of pride at his accomplishment. Today had been a particularly productive day for our hero... "Almost THREE bags of chips. Gotta find something else. One can take only soo much grease."
When suddenly a scream caused Idiot Boy to STREAK into action (literally, he forgot he was only wearing a towel).

"Oh MY GOD!!!! He's NAKED!!!!!" yelled the woman, obviously disturbed by the potato chip bag clinging to his... um, well... never mind that. Thoughts raced through his mind... "Why is this woman screaming... why do I feel a draft... um, where are my clothes?"

Then, the man who was hideously beating the woman... at checkers... tried getting away but Idiot Boy used his Super Undressing Powers to take the man's clothes. "Ha-haaa! I have saved this woman from you and got clothes! Two stones, one bird. Wait a minute, let me try that again...

Well, Idiot Boy may have been about as sharp as a bag of wet mice, but he did recognize one thing. There were (eh, duh - yeah, oh, eh) TWO, yeah, TWO really big questions hanging in the rancid, potato chip scented air of his greasy abode... Why were these people suddenly playing checkers in his kitchen? And, eh, duh, why was the screaming woman scrounging through his freezer?

Taking no chances, Idiot Boy lunged for the fire escape... But the shreiking woman, whom he had just saved from a humiliating checkers thrashing, was quicker. Well versed in the art of ice cream smearage, she nimbly laid down a creamy highway of "Nutted Fish Ripple and Spice", preventing his artful escape.

And the wicked maven would have won her bid to keep Idiot Boy chained in the kitchen as her permanent checkers love slave, but for one thing... "Nutted Fish Ripple and Spice" ice cream just happened to be his favorite health food substitute. He knew the precise melting point and shear viscosity of the homogenously caloric product. Quick as two bunnies in heat, Idiot Boy used his Super Undressing Powers, leaving the strange screaming woman naked, humiliated and scorned. He slid across the ice cream with great exactitude on her giant magenta Mumu from Hawaii.

Free at last, he raced down the fire escape and headed for the nearest Gold's Gym and the entrance to his secret lair hidden in the dry sauna. He needed his trusty sidekick and masseur, GizMotron. "No teleporting game playing dominatrix is a match for GizMo's devices and my oiled, potato fueled muscles! I am NOT as stupid as I look!" he thought with a determined gleam in his invisible third eye and bristling with barely contained anger. "I will root them out. I'll show everyone." Only Giz knew that Idiot Boy fantasized about coming into his full superpowers and morphing into Mighty Hedgehog Man!" With a loud Squeeee, he spun into a blur and away to the underground lair.

Walking into the sauna Idiot Boy