New Wive's Tales (and Sage Sayings)

[dddrum]

What, is it November already?

WHAAAT?? Oh for crying out loud... I kick back for a little post-luncheon siesta, just a teensy apres-martini snoozarooni... I mean can't somebody just gimme a little, you know, tap on my office door or buzz the intercom or something?

*sigh* Welp, there's nothing for it but just forge ahead. (Soon as I figure out whose head to forge first. Heh.). Next up, people: colorful exclamations. They are essential to our basic human existence. How would people express scorn, or excitement, or a mind-numbing surge of drooling lust, without the means of a colorful exclamation? Frankly, they're our bread and butter. Hell... I mean gloryfrickinYOSKY™... an adage man's portfolio would be a pathetic, barren sham without 'em.

Anyway, I have a couple I hope to launch by year's end, both in the category of General Incredulity. This one conveys angry surprise in a surprisingly pleasant fashion:

"What in the Three Bears is going on here?"

I like it. It's emphatic, yet family-friendly, and that's important in this day... um, and age. Then there's my current pet, a withering expression of disbelief that deftly avoids the pitfall of impropriety:

"I doubt that very nicely!"

So there, let me throw open the floor... that is, throw the floor... no, I mean the floor is thrown... the thor is flown... the open... MY GOD, WHAT WAS IN THOSE MARTINIS??