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Old 12-01-2005, 04:24 PM   #16
priceyfatprude
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffee
1. Snakelette raised by Grandma Snake.
Holy Sh!t. You just made chicken noodle soup come out my nose.

He wins. He SO TOTALLY wins.
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Old 12-01-2005, 05:25 PM   #17
Zeismyhero
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10 Reasons NOT to kill thyself

10. You're too cool for death.
9. We'd miss you and your you-ness.
8. You'd never get to hear your favorite song again.
7. If you die now, you won't be able to say, "I knew her on that message board way back when" once I become famous.
6. If you're dead, you won't be around to learn who Jessica Simpson or Nick Lachey shag next.
5. You can't eat pizza if you're dead.
4. You can't win the lottery if you're dead.
3. Your family would never forgive you.
2. Death and martinis don't mix.
1. Someone will pick out your outfit and do your hair and such in death, and those mortician folks never get it right.
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Old 12-02-2005, 02:04 AM   #18
trisherina
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Oh, ffs. Because I'M TOO GODDAMN BUSY TO GO TO A GODDAMN FUNERAL AT CHRISTMASTIME!
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Old 12-02-2005, 02:32 AM   #19
Audreyvgs
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Cause you havent visited enough Haunted Houses to know where your permanent residence will be.
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Old 12-02-2005, 07:52 PM   #20
trisherina
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because we haven't done this yet


+
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Because how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. -- Annie Dillard
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Old 12-02-2005, 08:27 PM   #21
Brynn
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Back when I was a suicidal youngster, these are the reasons my therapist told me:

1.Because everybody will hate you for being a selfish coward if you do.
2.Killing yourself is always something you can choose to do later.
3.Wouldn't you rather die skydiving or taming lions or fasting for world peace?
4.Suicide is the worst option out there for suffering. There are way better options - drugs for instance.
5.Because you could always die to yourself emotionally and start living for others. Strangers, preferably.
6.You can always just fake your death and start over somewhere else, living the life you really wanted to live all along.
7.Because deep down, you know that there are no solid guarantees that if you kill yourself, the pain ends.
8.Killing yourself is not exactly the same thing as revenge.
9.It's not romantic at all - it's just an incredibly stupid thing to do.

And here's another reason not to kill yourself:
10. If you do, I promise to steal your avatar and your nickname and start posting as you.
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2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
3. Your foot will change direction.
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Old 12-02-2005, 09:09 PM   #22
beckstra
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1. You'd be dead.
2. If hell is like the Bible says it is, that a burning lake of sulfer...and sulfer stinks. Also, it's possible you could end up hanging around with doodz like...well, think of the one person you're pretty sure you would never want to stand within a mile's reach of...
3. If heaven is like the Bible says it is, there's a very off chance you could be praising God next to some real downers.
4. If Christians are to do greater things than Jesus and happen to raise you from the dead, that could get really gross.
5. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, you could come back as the spawn of Michael Jackson.
6. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, you could come back as a sperm in Michael Jackson's genitalia. And although from a sperm in Michael Jackson's genitalia there is nowhere to go but up, you could still move on to...ringworm?
7. Necrophiliacs.
8. You could have missed the mark and left no legacy just by accident.
9. If death is just the end, there'd be no more anything.
10. If you killed yourself, I'd be sadasacutsnake.
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Old 12-03-2005, 02:07 AM   #23
zenbabe
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Because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gotten a single Christmas card yet.

How depressing is that!

I am going to go kill myself now...what do you think?
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Old 12-03-2005, 02:26 AM   #24
Audreyvgs
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I think the problem would solve itself, zen, if you posted more! hahhahaha


And i think the most obvious fact has been overlooked, and that is:


You might be reincarnated and end up working for EBAY!
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Old 12-03-2005, 02:29 AM   #25
Hermione
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Why you shouldn't

1. You have a beautiful daughter.

2. You are my inspiration for becoming a malpractice lawyer

3. Your daughter wouldn't be able to see how wonderful her mummy is everyday.

4. You can teach your little girl to be an intelligent, respectful, and considerate person.

5. You want to see your grandchildren.

6. If you did do it, a piece of everyone you know would die because we all love you so much.

7. You can overcome what is going on right now. You are a good person and you deserve so many good things.

8. You were fvcked but that doesn't mean that life isn't worth living. There are so many amazing things that you can experience with your loved ones.

9. Who will tell us about the blissed out koalas?

10. You won't be able to see me take down a doctor for screwing a patient over.

You shouldn't because you are loved dearly.
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Old 12-03-2005, 02:57 AM   #26
Gatsby
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Quote:
blissed out koalas
Oooh, yesss.
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Old 12-03-2005, 07:11 AM   #27
Zaftig
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You're the only person alive who can put "fvck fvck fvck" within the text of a Christmas card and it's still the most heart warming Christmas card ever.
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Old 12-03-2005, 10:12 PM   #28
§olomon
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the best of you
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Old 12-03-2005, 11:45 PM   #29
madasacutsnake
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So I guess the moral here is don't drink and post. It seemed funny at the time and I'm sorry about scaring all the people I scared.

When I'd done primal screaming over a particularly dirty legal trick I, through some miracle of strength of character, overcame shellshock and went to work whence the week suddenly and seemingly against all odds became that much worse:

http://www.zefrank.com/bulletin/show...&postcount=990

Today I have had a host of phone calls, pms and emails and consequently I am currently back in a frame of mind where I can hope that the policemen are of the handsome type.

So THANKS.
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Old 12-04-2005, 04:01 AM   #30
topcat
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hey i am glad you are not dead snake
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This is an internet bulletin board.

Nothing more. Nothing less
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