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Old 05-22-2008, 03:59 PM   #226
treekisser
It isn't easy being green
 
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Your order will be served in a few moments, but first a few disclosures: your dinner was prepared by a replacement chef. Our regular chef is recuperating from a parasitic infection. The china and silverware were washed in 45-degree water because our water heater broke last night, but we did use a lot of extra soap. No live animals were intentionally slaughtered in the preparation of your meal. All meat served here was harvested from roadkill and previously frozen. Some of the seafood may have been left at room temperature for a period of not greater than twenty-four hours. Wild mushrooms used in our vichysoisse were gathered by persons unknown. None of the ingredients used in the preparation of your meal have been touched by human hands more than once. We do use transfats but do not employ transgender workers. A portion of the profits from your patronage will be used to support anti-PETA activities worldwide. Any questions may be directed to First Degree, our parent company.
Enjoy your dinner!
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Old 06-04-2008, 09:58 AM   #227
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It was a wretched, rutted mule-track running through thick forests with occasional clearings in which lay the small Kentish villages, where rude shock-headed peasants with smocks and galligaskins stared with bold, greedy eyes at the travellers.
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Old 06-07-2008, 02:32 PM   #228
YsaPur EsChomuw
oi
 
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Don't take it personally, but you used to be so much fun before you stopped drinking.
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Old 06-09-2008, 03:59 PM   #229
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Your mother and I dated off and on until I learned that she married your father.
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Old 06-10-2008, 04:01 PM   #230
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Human urine has strengthening and curative characteristics concerning many deficiencies. All kinds of throat inflammation can be helped by gargling with urine to which a bit of saffron has been added. Trembling hands and knees can be helped by washing, and rubbing one's own warm urine into the skin directly after one has urinated. Drink your own water in the morning nine days together and it cures the scurvy, makes the body lightsome and cheerful. It is good against the dropsy and Jaundice, drunk as before. Wash your ears with it warm and it is good against deafness noises and nost other ailments in the ears. Wash your eyes with your own water and it cures sore eyes and clears and strengthens the sight. Wash and rub your hands with it, and it takes away numbness, chaps and sores and makes the joints limber. Wash any green wound with it and it is an extraordinary good thing. Wash any part that itches and it takes the itch away. Wash the fundament and it is good against piles and other sores. More than any other method, urine therapy represents the principles of natural medicine. I'm drinking mine now.
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:16 AM   #231
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus Bales View Post
Human urine...


Oh! That's not the soup tureen, that's the spitbox.
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Old 06-11-2008, 11:38 AM   #232
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We had to replace Marcus, our cook, when Ysapur, our housekeeper, revealed to us that he cooks carrots and pees in the same pot.
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Old 06-12-2008, 10:58 AM   #233
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Do you ever get the feeling you've left someone strapped to a bed somewhere?
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:03 PM   #234
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Dad, Dad, I have something to tell you while you are sitting down. I'm straight.
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Old 06-12-2008, 01:14 PM   #235
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That noise? Just ignore it. Grampa is killing cats upstairs again. He gets into this state every time full moon approaches. No, don't go yet! Don't worry, he's harmless in other ways. Here, taste this delicacy: I don't really know what it is, but Grandma calls it Katzenzunge.
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Old 06-13-2008, 01:36 PM   #236
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We were really drunk coming out of the bar last night, and Harry pointed to a dog licking its balls and said "I wish I could do that" and I said "I dunno, he looks pretty mean -- I'd ask him first."
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Old 06-16-2008, 01:17 PM   #237
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Ever tired head cheese?
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Old 06-16-2008, 01:18 PM   #238
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Ever tried head cheese? (sorry)
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:39 AM   #239
Hyakujo's Fox
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You know what? I've actually come to prefer the awkward silences.
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:40 AM   #240
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and you would not believe the stuff that came out of that filter!
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