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Old 12-02-2008, 04:32 PM   #391
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Old 12-02-2008, 04:37 PM   #392
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Old 12-02-2008, 08:19 PM   #393
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zoek waar je wil, maar het zit in jezelf

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Old 12-11-2008, 11:43 AM   #394
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This morning I was noticing I was breathing, and I heard the fridge click on...also breathing, I thought, hahaha. And then the heater. Click...whoosh...click...whoosh. And then a bus outside. Thud...vrooom.

I thought of my old cat breathing. My kid breathing. My mother, my father. My dear friend R and her babies, all breathing. I thought of all my friends breathing, and all of you people, breathing all over the world, awake and asleep, happy and sad, some in cold places and some in hot, and all the people I've never met and never will. In. Out. All the people who are gone and not yet born, breathing by not breathing.

It was like the whole world was humming, out into space.
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Old 12-11-2008, 12:21 PM   #395
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^ life is like an earthquake

I'm about to step off into the abyss and find out if I can fly, for good and real.

I believe that I can, even through all the second-guessing.
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Old 12-11-2008, 12:21 PM   #396
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look for the monotonous hum, it`s space breathing
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Old 12-18-2008, 07:04 AM   #397
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shaking



waking
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Old 01-10-2009, 05:26 PM   #398
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"sharing an experience with another person may change the perception we have of our own self, such as the recognition of our own face ...
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Old 01-12-2009, 10:38 AM   #399
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questions attached to the self-mummification dream:

why do we punish ourselves? is it so we can feel as if we have control? is it so we can feel "alive" while we drain our own life energy?

dukkha.

life is suffering already - suffering outside of our control - why do I assume inflicting more suffering upon myself is going to help the situation?

this whole business of restricting my diet for a week has really challenged me emotionally. I'm grouchy and unstable. I'm looking forward to cheddar again.

a quote from someone, off a sydney blu track:
"sometimes it appears that we're reaching a period when our senses and our minds will no longer respond to moderate stimulation. we seem to be approaching an age of the gross; persuasion through speeches and books is too often discarded for disruptive demonstrations aimed at bludgeoning the unconvinced into action. the young overwhelm themselves with drugs and artificial stimulants. subtlety is lost and fine distinctions based on acute reasoning are carelessly ignored in a headlong jump toward a predetermined conclusion. life is visceral rather than intellectual. and the most visceral practitioners of life are those who characterize themselves as intellectuals."

I'm fascinated by this because you could take those words and apply them almost equally to hippies in the 1960s and neocons in the 2000s. any mass movement is going to involve "bludgeoning the unconvinced into action." we're a bunch of monkeys. tell me, WHEN was this golden age when the masses were persuaded by "fine distinctions based on acute reasoning"?

the assumption - that our lack of discipline is the road to perdition. this conflicts with Blake: "the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom." who's right?

can reality simply just be attitudinal? I'm beginning to understand this whole "middle way" shit. how can a monk who practices self-mummification be doing anything other than bringing more dukkha into the world? for that matter, a paranoid conservative surrounding herself with guns and drawing violence to her as if magnetically...or an executive secure in himself but working for a company that destroys the planet...or a rave kid stewing his brains every weekend with immense doses of ecstasy...or a 35-year-old woman on a detox diet after years of too much wine, bacon, and kimchi...we punish ourselves in so many different ways. putting down the whip we use for self-flagellation is difficult (until, I suspect, it's suddenly easy).

the zen master whacks me over the head: "SMILE, DOOFUS." two lessons: (1) stinky thoughts are like stinky farts - nobody likes them and you can't hide them from people, so you'd better learn to control your intake in order to control your output. it's OK, you can eat limburger, just not at every meal. (2) it doesn't matter how you feel, as long as you don't feel bad about feeling that way. go ahead and feel insecure and scared, but don't feel insecure and scared about feeling insecure and scared, or you're grasping those emotions and not letting them pass...
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