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Old 08-03-2007, 08:57 PM   #91
Brynn
constantly amazed
 
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: in the labyrinth of shared happiness
Posts: 6,206
Parts 21-43

Rule #21 - On Sarcasm and its Transparency

21a. There are at least three types of sarcasm: Self-inflicted, second party; usually directed to whom you are speaking, and absent third party.

21ai. Examples:
I. Self-inflicted:
"I meant to do that."
II. Second Party:
"You meant to do that."
III. Third Party:
"He meant to do that but he didn't."


Rule #22. - On Coming of Age Rituals
22a. Virtual drug and alcohol use:
22ai. Slug licking is not permitted by those under 16, unless it is just a regular, non-hallucinogenic slug. Parental permission form 27-3 must be submitted in triplicate 4-6 months before proposed post.

22b.Psychoactive/hallucinogenic toads require proof of age 18 or a 212-page book report on Oil and Gas: Federal Income Taxation, by Patrick Hennessee

22c. Alchohol, of course, requires the poster to be 21, or previously winning the dictionary thread

22d. Minors may not visit virtual brothels except as research for the above book report.

22e. Virtual circumcision rituals are strongly discouraged.

22f. Before the permission to the legendary Hot Asian Chick parties is given, a 36h (minimum!) introductory course must be passed at Mr Johnston's. The office is open for applications on Wednesdays 10.00-12.00 MET. Please do not forget to fill the 10 page form beforehand, Mr. Johnston will thoroughly check them.

Rule #23. - On Private Messaging

23a. It's best to be nice. However, if you have constructive criticism that must be given, consider sending it in a PM rather than airing it on the board. Rules 15-20 apply to private messages every bit as much as public posts. Revisit Rule 19b/bi before you click send.

23b. If you have destructive criticism, send it to yourself.

23c. Sending the same person more than one picture of cute kittens per day is a capital offense.


Rule #24. - On Choosing a User Name

24a. palindromes are permitted

24b. Variations on zefrank are not clever and are not permitted after July 29, 2007

Rule #25. - On Meeting in Real Life Protocol
25a. duties to report the Incident to the board...ie. documentation
25ai. Sperm samples are entirely unnecessary, except in the case of paternity suits.

25b. Possibly occurring bad vibes are to be left outside in the cruel, cold, real world
25bii. Any good vibes resulting from a meeting are to be brought here and shared with the community

Rule #26. - On Staleness

26a. How stale is this bread exactly?
26ai. Have you tried toasting the bread?
26aii. If you can drive a decking screw more than 2 inches into a concrete block with the bread, see 26b.

26b. Where threads go to die: The back of the line. Sometimes they are just pining for the fjords and will be gloriously revived if you put 4000 volts through them. Sometimes not.

We all have to learn to let go some time.


Rule #27. - On Incorrigible Asshattery of All Kinds

27a. Offenders have their asses made into hats, to be worn by the moderators on special board holidays.

27b. Repeat offenders have their hats made into asses, which they must wear as a prosthesis, excepting on special board holidays.


Rule #28. - On Smilies and Their Ability to Cause Seizures En Masse

28a. Using more than 3 times on a single day will be punished by a week's ban on this smiley. Any further offense in that direction will lead to a month's ban to use any smiley but

Rule #29. - On Deletions and Post-Post Editing of One's Own Writing

29a. In case of repetitive and/or extensive editing add a reason, best in form of a small, witty rhyme to milden your fellow monkeys' annoyance.

Rule #30. - On Quoting Others' Writing and the Purposes Thereof

30a. Good idea for reference purposes, such as when there are several intervening posts or a page break, or when you want to refer only to a specific portion of another's post.

30b. It isn't much use in a game of charades.


Rule #31. - On Lurking

31a. Only logged in board members can hear you lurking unless you are on invisible mode, and really, what's the big problem with lurking, again?

31b. We don't lurk in your toilet, so please don't pee in our board.

Rule #32. - On Embedding Videos

32a. It's fun, isn't it?

32b. Please label not safe for work videos as "nsfw".

32c. The following types of videos are expressly forbidden:
i. - kindergarten graduation footage.
ii. - clips that mention "self-esteem", "you-ness", or "actualization" more than 37 times.
iii. - country-western music videos recorded after 1996.
iv. - political speeches.
v. - for the sake of anime.
32e. Parodies of the above are expressly encouraged.

32f. In the case of unembeddables, mild flirting remains permissable.

Rule #33. - On Vacations That Fall During Rulemaking Periods
1. If at all possible, stay connected the entire vacation so that you won't miss anything. If you miss anything, you will be ridiculed, ignored, and banned, in that order, with reckless abandon and extreme prejudice.
2. You must post by subjecting your laptop to the wireless network at the place you are staying. You will lose passwords to all your bank accounts, brokerage services, personal message boards, and dead-head spam computers you currently can access.
3. Rebuilding your life afterward may require creating a new identity or stealing someone else's. If this happens, do NOT create a bulletin.ZeFrank.com™ StrictlyCommercialShadowPuppet® unless they have also exploited your original bulletin.ZeFrank.com™ StrictlyCommercialUserAccount®
[indent]4. If you are funkytuba or Brynn, these rules do not apply.

Rule #34. - On the Extensive Use of Brackets and Nested Sentences

34a. First time offenders are to post in sentences of 1-5 words for a week. Any use of brackets during this week will extend the penalty period by a further day.

34b. Repeat offenders have to wear the Bob's Big Boy costume.

Rule #35. - On the Development of a Fulsome Plenitude of Awesomeness
What Mik does is pretty cool.

Rule #36. - On Being Sideways
-see Rules #5 #8 #11 #15 #20 #21 #27

Rule #37. - On Back Doors

37a. It's still not legal to use them in Texas.

Rule #38. - On Cliques

Rule #39. - On Invisibility
Invisibility is vastly preferable to other super powers such as flying or being able to stretch to infinity or breathe underwater.

Rule #40. - On Siblings
Siblings are nice, but full disclosure is required, unless you don't feel like it, or unless you are twins.

Rule #41. - On How to Properly Distribute Attention and Huggles

Rule #42. - On Evacuation

42a. plan and emergency
Include a week's supply of water in your "go bag" and an axe.

42b. email contact list in case of fire or flood

Rule #43. - On When to Makes Polls

43a. poll the people on all things and everything

43b. always allow at least four options and other[/quote]

Addendum to "On bullying" but I don't feel like collating and I don't feel like formatting and choose to leave it for more talented board members smiley face:
All offense is self-inflicted, for how we choose to react to bullying determines the intensity of how offended we actually end up being.
__________________
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
3. Your foot will change direction.
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Old 08-04-2007, 12:51 AM   #92
brightpearl
Rhinoceros fan
 
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 8,749
Just squashing my post w/Brynn's...we zaitochied.

Parts 21-43

Rule #21 - On Sarcasm and its Transparency

21a. There are at least three types of sarcasm: Self-inflicted, second party; usually directed to whom you are speaking, and absent third party.
21ai. Examples:
I. Self-inflicted:
"I meant to do that."
Always acceptable. But don't be too hard on yourself.
II. Second Party:
"You meant to do that."
Acceptable when both parties find it so.
III. Third Party:
"He meant to do that but he didn't."
Public figures who are not members of the board are fair game, but this type of sarcasm should be used judiciously and with respect for the feelings of other members.

Rule #22. - On Coming of Age Rituals
22a. Virtual drug and alcohol use:
22ai. Slug licking is not permitted by those under 16, unless it is just a regular, non-hallucinogenic slug. Parental permission form 27-3 must be submitted in triplicate 4-6 months before proposed post.

22b.Psychoactive/hallucinogenic toads require proof of age 18 or a 212-page book report on Oil and Gas: Federal Income Taxation, by Patrick Hennessee

22c. Alchohol, of course, requires the poster to be 21, or previously winning the dictionary thread

22d. Minors may not visit virtual brothels except as research for the above book report.

22e. Virtual circumcision rituals are strongly discouraged.

22f. Before the permission to the legendary Hot Asian Chick parties is given, a 36h (minimum!) introductory course must be passed at Mr Johnston's. The office is open for applications on Wednesdays 10.00-12.00 MET. Please do not forget to fill the 10 page form beforehand, Mr. Johnston will thoroughly check them.

Rule #23. - On Private Messaging

23a. It's best to be nice. However, if you have constructive criticism that must be given, consider sending it in a PM rather than airing it on the board. Rules 15-20 apply to private messages every bit as much as public posts. Revisit Rule 19b/bi before you click send.

23b. If you have destructive criticism, send it to yourself.

23c. Sending the same person more than one picture of cute kittens per day is a capital offense.

Rule #24. - On Choosing a User Name

24a. palindromes are permitted

24b. Variations on zefrank are not clever and are not permitted after July 29, 2007

Rule #25. - On Meeting in Real Life Protocol
25a. duties to report the Incident to the board...ie. documentation
25ai. Sperm samples are entirely unnecessary, except in the case of paternity suits.

25b. Possibly occurring bad vibes are to be left outside in the cruel, cold, real world
25bii. Any good vibes resulting from a meeting are to be brought here and shared with the community

Rule #26. - On Staleness

26a. How stale is this bread exactly?
26ai. Have you tried toasting the bread?
26aii. If you can drive a decking screw more than 2 inches into a concrete block with the bread, see 26b.

26b. Where threads go to die: The back of the line. Sometimes they are just pining for the fjords and will be gloriously revived if you put 4000 volts through them. Sometimes not.

We all have to learn to let go some time.

Rule #27. - On Incorrigible Asshattery of All Kinds

27a. Offenders have their asses made into hats, to be worn by the moderators on special board holidays.

27b. Repeat offenders have their hats made into asses, which they must wear as a prosthesis, excepting on special board holidays.

Rule #28. - On Smilies and Their Ability to Cause Seizures En Masse

28a. Using more than 3 times on a single day will be punished by a week's ban on this smiley. Any further offense in that direction will lead to a month's ban to use any smiley but

Rule #29. - On Deletions and Post-Post Editing of One's Own Writing

29a. In case of repetitive and/or extensive editing add a reason, best in form of a small, witty rhyme to milden your fellow monkeys' annoyance.

Rule #30. - On Quoting Others' Writing and the Purposes Thereof

30a. Good idea for reference purposes, such as when there are several intervening posts or a page break, or when you want to refer only to a specific portion of another's post.

30b. It isn't much use in a game of charades.

Rule #31. - On Lurking

31a. Only logged in board members can hear you lurking unless you are on invisible mode, and really, what's the big problem with lurking, again?

31b. We don't lurk in your toilet, so please don't pee in our board.

Rule #32. - On Embedding Videos

32a. It's fun, isn't it?

32b. Please label not safe for work videos as "nsfw".

32c. The following types of videos are expressly forbidden:
i. - kindergarten graduation footage.
ii. - clips that mention "self-esteem", "you-ness", or "actualization" more than 37 times.
iii. - country-western music videos recorded after 1996.
iv. - political speeches.
v. - for the sake of anime.
32e. Parodies of the above are expressly encouraged.

32f. In the case of unembeddables, mild flirting remains permissable.

Rule #33. - On Vacations That Fall During Rulemaking Periods
1. If at all possible, stay connected the entire vacation so that you won't miss anything. If you miss anything, you will be ridiculed, ignored, and banned, in that order, with reckless abandon and extreme prejudice.
2. You must post by subjecting your laptop to the wireless network at the place you are staying. You will lose passwords to all your bank accounts, brokerage services, personal message boards, and dead-head spam computers you currently can access.
3. Rebuilding your life afterward may require creating a new identity or stealing someone else's. If this happens, do NOT create a bulletin.ZeFrank.com™ StrictlyCommercialShadowPuppet® unless they have also exploited your original bulletin.ZeFrank.com™ StrictlyCommercialUserAccount®
[indent]4. If you are funkytuba or Brynn, these rules do not apply.

Rule #34. - On the Extensive Use of Brackets and Nested Sentences

34a. First time offenders are to post in sentences of 1-5 words for a week. Any use of brackets during this week will extend the penalty period by a further day.

34b. Repeat offenders have to wear the Bob's Big Boy costume.

Rule #35. - On the Development of a Fulsome Plenitude of Awesomeness
What Mik does is pretty cool.

Rule #36. - On Being Sideways
-see Rules #5 #8 #11 #15 #20 #21 #27

Rule #37. - On Back Doors

37a. It's still not legal to use them in Texas.

Rule #38. - On Cliques

Rule #39. - On Invisibility
Invisibility is vastly preferable to other super powers such as flying or being able to stretch to infinity or breathe underwater.

Rule #40. - On Siblings
Siblings are nice, but full disclosure is required, unless you don't feel like it, or unless you are twins.

Rule #41. - On How to Properly Distribute Attention and Huggles

Rule #42. - On Evacuation

42a. plan and emergency
Include a week's supply of water in your "go bag" and an axe.

42b. email contact list in case of fire or flood

Rule #43. - On When to Makes Polls

43a. poll the people on all things and everything

43b. always allow at least four options and other

Rule 44 - on Registration

1. Rules are for newbies.
2. Registration is blocked. There will be no newbies.
3. If you go away long enough to forget what your password is, and then years later it comes back to you in a weird kind of inspirational flash and you somehow manage to log in, you automatically become a newbie again with no history whatsoever.
4. Aren't we all newbies, really, forever and ever? Discuss.
5. Registration may be reopened whenever the time is ripe.
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Old 08-04-2007, 12:55 AM   #93
brightpearl
Rhinoceros fan
 
brightpearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 8,749
formatting Brynn's bullying rule:

Parts 11-20

Rule #11 - On Forgiveness

11a. Be generous with Forgiveness.

11b. Try to understand both sides

11c. If you cannot understand both sides, find your own side, poke it twice and giggle quietly. Poke it three times if you are not that ticklish.

11d. When all else fails, offer fresh baked cookies.


Rule #12 - On Irony and Its Applications in Ways That Are Not Easy To Understand, But Are Apparently Irresistible to "I".

12a. See Rule
33


Rule #13 - On Rules

13a. Rules are more like guidelines: as in "Rules are too stultifying for what we are trying to create here".

13b. The above is a rule, and should not be taken lightly as one might a guideline.

13c. When in doubt, ask. Specific doubt is better than general doubt.

13d. Rules can change.

Rule #14 - Of or Pertaining to Action Phrases

14a. posts intended to indicate a single action must be set between asterisks. (example: *posts new rule*)

14b. multiple actions must be separated into individual action sets, each with an associated asterisk pair. (example: *posts new rule* *comes up with examples*)

14c. actions must be phrased in present tense.

14d. failing to close an action phrase with the second asterisk will result in an interpretation of ongoing action in every subsequent post, regardless of content, until such time as the poster remembers to insert the errant asterisk.


Rule #15 - On Bullying

15.a. Bullying shall be defined as "choosing any individual for ongoing harassment, belittlement and/or abuse, whether or not they deserve it."

15b. Gentle teasing is not bullying. However, if an individual takes exception to what you consider gentle teasing, you must desist, make polite apologies, and feel very silly and embarrassed for a day or two or until your unintended victim tells you you’re off the hook, whichever takes longer.

15c. If you don’t like someone for any reason – say, they don’t speak English too well, you suspect they have Republican tendencies, or they just make you feel icky - you must try putting them on ignore.

15c.1. If you cannot resist peeking at the ignored member's posts once you have put them on ignore, zefrank.com/bulletin will not be held accountable for any anger, disgust, revulsion, nausea, headaches, cramps (including butt puckering), homicidal impulses, psychotic breaks, and other negative reactions you may experience.

15d. You'd do well to remember that all offense is self-inflicted, for how we choose to react to bullying determines the intensity of how offended we actually end up being.

Rule 16 - On Getting Too Serious

1. Dont.
2. Know your chicken.


Rule #17 - On Appreciation

17a. Express genuine gratitude.

17b. See Rule #11

17c. Expressions of appreciation must not be used for the purpose of manipulation (or not too much).

17d. Ass Kissing is the Pun of Appreciation.
17di. less it's a cute one. turn around please. (see rule #16)


Rule #18 - On Acceptable Forms of Negativity

18a. Always love your fellow monkeys
18b. Giving someone a swat on the ass is acceptable if needed. This shall also be known as an infarction.
18bi. Perfectly acceptable and encouraged to ask the man whose name is in the url before you give a swat.


Rule #19 - On Love

19a. Always love your dog
19ai. Always love yourself.
19b. You do not have to love your fellow Monkeys, but you do need to treat them with respect.
19bi If you cannot follow Rule 19b, one of the moderators will work it out with you until you can be respectful.
19c. Agreeing to disagree is always acceptable.
19d. Following rule 19a/19ai is highly suggested to be an action of first resort, for even if your dog is a cat or a ficus, this action will make rules 19b - 19c very easy, and may even protect you from public underwear folding or unwanted pets from creature corner.


Rule #20 - On Taking Responsibility For Your Words And Actions

20a. If you are being a jerk and you know it, please just apologize.
20ai. There is no need to justify your actions, in fact, you can't. If you did something wrong, own up to it. Take responsibility & say 'I was wrong and I'm sorry'. Explaining bad behavior away with excuses just makes it seem like you really don't regret your actions.
20b If you are getting messages from several people (let's say 8 or more) that you are being a jerk, assume that you are and see rule 20a. Jerk.[/quote]
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Old 08-04-2007, 10:12 PM   #94
Anna
n
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,752
Parts 21-50

Rule #21 - On Sarcasm and its Transparency

21a. There are at least three types of sarcasm: Self-inflicted, second party; usually directed to whom you are speaking, and absent third party.
21ai. Examples:
I. Self-inflicted:
"I meant to do that."
Always acceptable. But don't be too hard on yourself.
II. Second Party:
"You meant to do that."
Acceptable when both parties find it so.
III. Third Party:
"He meant to do that but he didn't."
Public figures who are not members of the board are fair game, but this type of sarcasm should be used judiciously and with respect for the feelings of other members.

Rule #22. - On Coming of Age Rituals
22a. Virtual drug and alcohol use:
22ai. Slug licking is not permitted by those under 16, unless it is just a regular, non-hallucinogenic slug. Parental permission form 27-3 must be submitted in triplicate 4-6 months before proposed post.

22b.Psychoactive/hallucinogenic toads require proof of age 18 or a 212-page book report on Oil and Gas: Federal Income Taxation, by Patrick Hennessee

22c. Alchohol, of course, requires the poster to be 21, or previously winning the dictionary thread

22d. Minors may not visit virtual brothels except as research for the above book report.

22e. Virtual circumcision rituals are strongly discouraged.

22f. Before the permission to the legendary Hot Asian Chick parties is given, a 36h (minimum!) introductory course must be passed at Mr Johnston's. The office is open for applications on Wednesdays 10.00-12.00 MET. Please do not forget to fill the 10 page form beforehand, Mr. Johnston will thoroughly check them.

Rule #23. - On Private Messaging

23a. It's best to be nice. However, if you have constructive criticism that must be given, consider sending it in a PM rather than airing it on the board. Rules 15-20 apply to private messages every bit as much as public posts. Revisit Rule 19b/bi before you click send.

23b. If you have destructive criticism, send it to yourself.

23c. Sending the same person more than one picture of cute kittens per day is a capital offense.

Rule #24. - On Choosing a User Name

24a. palindromes are permitted

24b. Variations on zefrank are not clever and are not permitted after July 29, 2007

Rule #25. - On Meeting in Real Life Protocol
25a. duties to report the Incident to the board...ie. documentation
25ai. Sperm samples are entirely unnecessary, except in the case of paternity suits.

25b. Possibly occurring bad vibes are to be left outside in the cruel, cold, real world
25bii. Any good vibes resulting from a meeting are to be brought here and shared with the community

Rule #26. - On Staleness

26a. How stale is this bread exactly?
26ai. Have you tried toasting the bread?
26aii. If you can drive a decking screw more than 2 inches into a concrete block with the bread, see 26b.

26b. Where threads go to die: The back of the line. Sometimes they are just pining for the fjords and will be gloriously revived if you put 4000 volts through them. Sometimes not.

We all have to learn to let go some time.

Rule #27. - On Incorrigible Asshattery of All Kinds

27a. Offenders have their asses made into hats, to be worn by the moderators on special board holidays.

27b. Repeat offenders have their hats made into asses, which they must wear as a prosthesis, excepting on special board holidays.

Rule #28. - On Smilies and Their Ability to Cause Seizures En Masse

28a. Using more than 3 times on a single day will be punished by a week's ban on this smiley. Any further offense in that direction will lead to a month's ban to use any smiley but

Rule #29. - On Deletions and Post-Post Editing of One's Own Writing

29a. In case of repetitive and/or extensive editing add a reason, best in form of a small, witty rhyme to milden your fellow monkeys' annoyance.

Rule #30. - On Quoting Others' Writing and the Purposes Thereof

30a. Good idea for reference purposes, such as when there are several intervening posts or a page break, or when you want to refer only to a specific portion of another's post.

30b. It isn't much use in a game of charades.

Rule #31. - On Lurking

31a. Only logged in board members can hear you lurking unless you are on invisible mode, and really, what's the big problem with lurking, again?

31b. We don't lurk in your toilet, so please don't pee in our board.

Rule #32. - On Embedding Videos

32a. It's fun, isn't it?

32b. Please label not safe for work videos as "nsfw".

32c. The following types of videos are expressly forbidden:
i. - kindergarten graduation footage.
ii. - clips that mention "self-esteem", "you-ness", or "actualization" more than 37 times.
iii. - country-western music videos recorded after 1996.
iv. - political speeches.
v. - for the sake of anime.
32e. Parodies of the above are expressly encouraged.

32f. In the case of unembeddables, mild flirting remains permissable.

Rule #33. - On Vacations That Fall During Rulemaking Periods
1. If at all possible, stay connected the entire vacation so that you won't miss anything. If you miss anything, you will be ridiculed, ignored, and banned, in that order, with reckless abandon and extreme prejudice.
2. You must post by subjecting your laptop to the wireless network at the place you are staying. You will lose passwords to all your bank accounts, brokerage services, personal message boards, and dead-head spam computers you currently can access.
3. Rebuilding your life afterward may require creating a new identity or stealing someone else's. If this happens, do NOT create a bulletin.ZeFrank.com™ StrictlyCommercialShadowPuppet® unless they have also exploited your original bulletin.ZeFrank.com™ StrictlyCommercialUserAccount®
[indent]4. If you are funkytuba or Brynn, these rules do not apply.

Rule #34. - On the Extensive Use of Brackets and Nested Sentences

34a. First time offenders are to post in sentences of 1-5 words for a week. Any use of brackets during this week will extend the penalty period by a further day.

34b. Repeat offenders have to wear the Bob's Big Boy costume.

Rule #35. - On the Development of a Fulsome Plenitude of Awesomeness
What Mik does is pretty cool.

Rule #36. - On Being Sideways
-see Rules #5 #8 #11 #15 #20 #21 #27

Rule #37. - On Back Doors

37a. It's still not legal to use them in Texas.

Rule #38. - On Cliques

Rule #39. - On Invisibility
Invisibility is vastly preferable to other super powers such as flying or being able to stretch to infinity or breathe underwater.

Rule #40. - On Siblings
Siblings are nice, but full disclosure is required, unless you don't feel like it, or unless you are twins.

Rule #41. - On How to Properly Distribute Attention and Huggles

Rule #42. - On Evacuation

42a. plan and emergency
Include a week's supply of water in your "go bag" and an axe.

42b. email contact list in case of fire or flood

Rule #43. - On When to Makes Polls

43a. poll the people on all things and everything

43b. always allow at least four options and other

Rule 44 - On Registration

1. Rules are for newbies.
2. Registration is blocked. There will be no newbies.
3. If you go away long enough to forget what your password is, and then years later it comes back to you in a weird kind of inspirational flash and you somehow manage to log in, you automatically become a newbie again with no history whatsoever.
4. Aren't we all newbies, really, forever and ever? Discuss.
5. Registration may be reopened whenever the time is ripe.


Rule #45 - On what to do when a board member is on vacation for its re-naissance

Rule #46 - On the cessation of new rule category creation, so that the rules may someday actually be written up.

Rule #47 -On how to completely escape firestorms and emerge equipped with concise summary from another board member while one is out of town.

Rule #48 - On flogging a dead horse

Rule #49 - On How Confused is Confused
i. spinoza
see truth
ii. kant
see truth
iii. montaigne
see truth
iv. here, have a burritos
eat some good food, have a beer, sit back, enjoy the ride

Rule #50 - When in Doubt
1. ask ze
2. the end.
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Old 08-04-2007, 10:32 PM   #95
brightpearl
Rhinoceros fan
 
brightpearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 8,749
Parts 21-40

Rule #21 - On Sarcasm and its Transparency

21a. There are at least three types of sarcasm: Self-inflicted, second party; usually directed to whom you are speaking, and absent third party.
21ai. Examples:
I. Self-inflicted:
"I meant to do that."
Always acceptable. But don't be too hard on yourself.
II. Second Party:
"You meant to do that."
Acceptable when both parties find it so.
III. Third Party:
"He meant to do that but he didn't."
Public figures who are not members of the board are fair game, but this type of sarcasm should be used judiciously and with respect for the feelings of other members.

Rule #22. - On Coming of Age Rituals
22a. Virtual drug and alcohol use:
22ai. Slug licking is not permitted by those under 16, unless it is just a regular, non-hallucinogenic slug. Parental permission form 27-3 must be submitted in triplicate 4-6 months before proposed post.

22b.Psychoactive/hallucinogenic toads require proof of age 18 or a 212-page book report on Oil and Gas: Federal Income Taxation, by Patrick Hennessee

22c. Alchohol, of course, requires the poster to be 21, or previously winning the dictionary thread

22d. Minors may not visit virtual brothels except as research for the above book report.

22e. Virtual circumcision rituals are strongly discouraged.

22f. Before the permission to the legendary Hot Asian Chick parties is given, a 36h (minimum!) introductory course must be passed at Mr Johnston's. The office is open for applications on Wednesdays 10.00-12.00 MET. Please do not forget to fill the 10 page form beforehand, Mr. Johnston will thoroughly check them.

Rule #23. - On Private Messaging

23a. It's best to be nice. However, if you have constructive criticism that must be given, consider sending it in a PM rather than airing it on the board. Rules 15-20 apply to private messages every bit as much as public posts. Revisit Rule 19b/bi before you click send.

23b. If you have destructive criticism, send it to yourself.

23c. Sending the same person more than one picture of cute kittens per day is a capital offense. If the kittens are wearing little leiderhosen, you'll be dug up and executed a second time.

Rule #24. - On Choosing a User Name

24a. palindromes are permitted

24b. Variations on zefrank are not clever and are not permitted after July 29, 2007

Rule #25. - On Meeting in Real Life Protocol
25a. duties to report the Incident to the board...ie. documentation
25ai. Sperm samples are entirely unnecessary, except in the case of paternity suits.

25b. Possibly occurring bad vibes are to be left outside in the cruel, cold, real world
25bii. Any good vibes resulting from a meeting are to be brought here and shared with the community

Rule #26. - On Staleness

26a. How stale is this bread exactly?
26ai. Have you tried toasting the bread?
26aii. If you can drive a decking screw more than 2 inches into a concrete block with the bread, see 26b.

26b. Where threads go to die: The back of the line. Sometimes they are just pining for the fjords and will be gloriously revived if you put 4000 volts through them. Sometimes not.

We all have to learn to let go some time.

Rule #27. - On Incorrigible Asshattery of All Kinds

27a. Offenders have their asses made into hats, to be worn by the moderators on special board holidays.

27b. Repeat offenders have their hats made into asses, which they must wear as prostheses, excepting on special board holidays.

Rule #28. - On Smilies and Their Ability to Cause Seizures En Masse

28a. Using more than 3 times on a single day will be punished by a week's ban on this smiley. Any further offense in that direction will lead to a month's ban to use any smiley but

Rule #29. - On Deletions and Post-Post Editing of One's Own Writing

29a. In case of repetitive and/or extensive editing add a reason, best in form of a small, witty rhyme to milden your fellow monkeys' annoyance.

Rule #30. - On Quoting Others' Writing and the Purposes Thereof

30a. Good idea for reference purposes, such as when there are several intervening posts or a page break, or when you want to refer only to a specific portion of another's post.

30b. It isn't much use in a game of charades.

Rule #31. - On Lurking

31a. Only logged in board members can hear you lurking unless you are on invisible mode, and really, what's the big problem with lurking, again?

31b. We don't lurk in your toilet, so please don't pee in our board.

Rule #32. - On Embedding Videos

32a. It's fun, isn't it?

32b. Please label not safe for work videos as "nsfw".

32c. The following types of videos are expressly forbidden:
i. - kindergarten graduation footage.
ii. - clips that mention "self-esteem", "you-ness", or "actualization" more than 37 times.
iii. - country-western music videos recorded after 1996.
iv. - political speeches.
v. - for the sake of anime.
32e. Parodies of the above are expressly encouraged.

32f. In the case of unembeddables, mild flirting remains permissable.

Rule #33. - On Vacations That Fall During Rulemaking Periods
1. If at all possible, stay connected the entire vacation so that you won't miss anything. If you miss anything, you will be ridiculed, ignored, and banned, in that order, with reckless abandon and extreme prejudice.
2. You must post by subjecting your laptop to the wireless network at the place you are staying. You will lose passwords to all your bank accounts, brokerage services, personal message boards, and dead-head spam computers you currently can access.
3. Rebuilding your life afterward may require creating a new identity or stealing someone else's. If this happens, do NOT create a bulletin.ZeFrank.com™ StrictlyCommercialShadowPuppet® unless they have also exploited your original bulletin.ZeFrank.com™ StrictlyCommercialUserAccount®
[indent]4. If you are funkytuba or Brynn, these rules do not apply.

Rule #34. - On the Extensive Use of Brackets and Nested Sentences

34a. First time offenders are to post in sentences of 1-5 words for a week. Any use of brackets during this week will extend the penalty period by a further day.

34b. Repeat offenders have to wear the Bob's Big Boy costume.

Rule #35. - On the Development of a Fulsome Plenitude of Awesomeness
What Mik does is pretty cool.

Rule #36. - On Being Sideways
-see Rules #5 #8 #11 #15 #20 #21 #27

Rule #37. - On Back Doors

It's still not legal to use them in Texas.

Rule #38. - On Cliques
While affinities are natural and wonderful, buzz-harshing cliques are discouraged.

Rule #39. - On Invisibility
Invisibility is vastly preferable to other super powers such as flying or being able to stretch to infinity or breathe underwater.

This board is set up to display invisible posts, but you won't be able to see them unless you are sufficiently awesome. Members who remain insufficiently awesome will see only a small white box containing a red x from time to time. We're sure it doesn't mean you're crap in the sack.
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Old 08-04-2007, 10:33 PM   #96
brightpearl
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Posts: 8,749
Rules 40-50

Rule #40. - On Siblings
Siblings are nice, but full disclosure is required, unless you don't feel like it, or unless you are twins.

Rule #41. - On How to Properly Distribute Attention and Huggles
41a. Ebullience is good.
41b. Stalking is bad.


Rule #42. - On Evacuation

42a. plan and emergency
Include a week's supply of water in your "go bag" and an axe.
Duct tape and a towel might be nice.

42b. email contact list in case of fire or flood

Rule #43. - On When to Makes Polls

43a. poll the people on all things and everything

43b. always allow at least four options and other

Rule 44 - On Registration

1. Rules are for newbies.
2. Registration is blocked. There will be no newbies.
3. If you go away long enough to forget what your password is, and then years later it comes back to you in a weird kind of inspirational flash and you somehow manage to log in, you automatically become a newbie again with no history whatsoever.
4. Aren't we all newbies, really, forever and ever? Discuss. Use complete sentences.
5. Registration may be reopened whenever the time is ripe.

Rule #45 - On what to do when a board member is on vacation for its re-naissance
Send a PM offering to explain and restart their favorite thread.

Rule #46 - On the cessation of new rule category creation, so that the rules may someday actually be written up.
Now would be a good time.

Rule #47 -On how to completely escape firestorms and emerge equipped with concise summary from another board member while one is out of town.
Yeah. Good luck with that.

Rule #48 - On flogging a dead horse
Step 1: It's not a bad idea to put on a smock.
Step 2: Grasp blunt instrument firmly, using traditional golf club grip. If unsure, contract with Tiger Woods or Chichi Rodriguez for instruction.
Step 3: Raise both arms above head. If dizziness results, sit down and think about what you're doing with your life.
Step 4: Lower arms in a downward arc, using all the muscle power of your back, biceps, and forearms, until blunt instrument contacts horse.
Step 5: Repeat as necessary. (Hint: "Necessary" is defined as, "roughly 1/100 of what you imagine to be necessary. Possibly less."


Rule #49 - On How Confused is Confused
i. spinoza
see truth
ii. kant
see truth
iii. montaigne
see truth
iv. here, have a burritos
eat some good food, have a beer, sit back, enjoy the ride

Rule #50 - When in Doubt
1. ask ze
2. the end.

Last edited by brightpearl : 08-04-2007 at 10:35 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 08-06-2007, 01:31 PM   #97
zefrank
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Location: brooklyn NY
Posts: 1,581
please collate...

would hate to start it all off with a blatant violation of 11.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:41 PM   #98
lapietra
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Posts: 12,078
Quote:
Originally Posted by zefrank View Post
please collate...

would hate to start it all off with a blatant violation of 11.
Oh dear and beloved leader - I think we need the per-post character limit extended for collation to happen successfully...
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As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes. ~ Mel Brooks
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:56 PM   #99
ambo
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: California
Posts: 4,407
wasted breath
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Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages.
--Thomas A. Edison

Last edited by ambo : 08-20-2007 at 11:32 PM.
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Old 08-08-2007, 09:40 PM   #100
trisherina
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It honestly doesn't matter to me. As long as it's around I'll continue to post. Unless of course I do something to get myself banned, but so far that's not happened.
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Old 08-13-2007, 10:05 PM   #101
Mik
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Posts: 84
holy crap, I'm in a rule!
I rule!
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Old 08-13-2007, 10:47 PM   #102
Chico
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Posts: 13
Yes you do.
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