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Old 08-12-2007, 08:16 PM   #121
brightpearl
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Every time you mow the lawn, a water buffalo wanders into a spider web.

Every time a gnome chokes on a raw potato,
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Old 08-13-2007, 03:10 AM   #122
rapscalious rob
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Every time a gnome chokes on a raw potato, someone gets a haircut.

Every time someone wakes up with a hankering for hominy grits,
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You go skipping and prancing through life, skipping through a field of dandelions. But what you don’t see is that on each dandelion is a bee, and on each bee is an ant, and the ant is biting the bee and the bee is biting the flower, and if that shocks you then I’m sorry.
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Old 08-13-2007, 09:09 AM   #123
Hyakujo's Fox
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Every time someone wakes up with a hankering for hominy grits, a gopher sings the blues.


Every time a man walks on the moon,
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Old 08-13-2007, 12:44 PM   #124
trisherina
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Every time a man walks on the moon, a brutal oppressor is assassinated.

Every time a baby looks up and falls in love,
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Old 08-13-2007, 07:15 PM   #125
seebe
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Every time a baby looks up and falls in love, a mother's heart smiles.


Every time this equals that,
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Old 08-14-2007, 01:03 AM   #126
brightpearl
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Every time this equals that, curiosity kills a cat burglar.

Every time the wind blows a gentleman's black umbrella inside-out,
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Old 08-14-2007, 01:45 AM   #127
Tunesmith
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Every time the wind blows a gentleman's black umbrella inside-out, an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is interrupted as a large raccoon saunters into the room.

Every time a windowpane rattles after a thunderclap,
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Old 08-14-2007, 01:55 AM   #128
funkytuba
Spone to Proonerisms
 
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Every time a windowpane rattles after a thunderclap, a zephyr blows a zeppelin into a zither.

Every time an LED blinks amber,
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...and another handful of almonds
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Old 08-14-2007, 07:28 AM   #129
MarsViolet
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Every time an LED blinks amber, a tock is ticked on Big Ben.

Every time an infomercial shows an 800 number,
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Old 08-22-2007, 09:44 AM   #130
brightpearl
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Every time an infomercial shows an 800 number, George Foreman names another kid after himself.

Every time an electric drill strips a screw head beyond all hope of removing it,
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Old 08-30-2007, 02:55 AM   #131
tapanuli
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Every time an electric drill strips a screw head beyond all hope of removing it, the xylem shield their children from impaling metal shards.

Every time the spoon hits the counter,
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Old 08-30-2007, 05:05 AM   #132
T.I.P.
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Every time the spoon hits the counter, the coffee machine at my work runs out of sugar.

Every time someone reads the last page of "The Deathly Hallows"
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Old 08-30-2007, 06:51 AM   #133
brightpearl
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Every time someone reads the last page of "The Deathly Hallows", the man at the head of the table sharpens the carving knife over an overbaked turkey.

Every time the fry cook lets the peas boil over,
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Old 08-30-2007, 11:42 PM   #134
tapanuli
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Every time the fry cook lets the peas boil over, Magda bites her fingernails hoping to avoid crusty green tips.

Every time she passive-aggressively slams the refrigerator door...
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possibilities, possibilities
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Old 08-31-2007, 12:07 AM   #135
lostsadie
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Every time she passive-aggressively slams the refrigerator door...
A child is catching a bubble in their hand, and the bubble does not burst.

Every time a mosquito bites...
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Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
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