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Old 08-07-2006, 09:32 PM   #2191
ambo
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iCat

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Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages.
--Thomas A. Edison
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Old 08-07-2006, 11:43 PM   #2192
ambo
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Bubba and the Pope

Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day, "you know I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss calls his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Bush", his boss quickly retorts.

"Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington" and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up. "

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The new Pope", his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
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Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages.
--Thomas A. Edison
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Old 08-08-2006, 02:57 AM   #2193
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ambo
MERLIN!!! Stop blowing your little eardrums out with that dad-blasted rap music!!!!
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Old 08-10-2006, 05:59 PM   #2194
ambo
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A beautiful, well endowed, young lady goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: ''SEX FROGS! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).''

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, ''I'll take one.'' The man packages the frog and says,, ''just follow the instructions carefully.'' The girl nods,, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she takes out the instructions and reads them carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1.- Take a shower.
2.- Splash on some nice perfume.
3.- Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4.- Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you.
5.- Allow the frog to follow its training.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says: ''If you have problems or questions, call the pet store.''

The lady calls the pet store. The man says, ''I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over.'' Within minutes, the man rings her doorbell. The lady welcomes him in and says, "I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there.''

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says, ''LISTEN TO ME! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!''
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Non-violence leads to the highest ethics, which is the goal of all evolution. Until we have not stopped to include violence as an option in our conflict management, we are still savages.
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Old 08-11-2006, 01:30 AM   #2195
Brynn
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thrillseeker

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...23959688&hl=en
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Old 08-12-2006, 04:17 AM   #2196
smellyrayzin
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^^^ lololol
so simple, yet it made me crack up..


*easily amused*
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Old 08-12-2006, 12:08 PM   #2197
trisherina
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Aw... (added to a certain rat's favourites)
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Old 08-14-2006, 01:47 PM   #2198
craig johnston
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remembering our friend angela on saturday night.
to a total stranger:

'it's raining, you have a hat, i don't'

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Old 08-15-2006, 05:49 PM   #2199
Frieda
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i have the power



www.penny-arcade.com
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zoek waar je wil, maar het zit in jezelf

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Old 08-16-2006, 12:57 AM   #2200
ShopaholicChick
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LMAO that made me laugh because i was cleaning my hardrive the other day and found the he-man theme song in my mp3 file LMAO
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Old 08-18-2006, 10:23 PM   #2201
Clytie
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your star shaped heart
has reached out to me
and together our hearts beat as one
bound by the rich red that runs coarsing
united we stand
stronger than before
able to face the dark
with hands entwined
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Old 08-20-2006, 01:25 PM   #2202
kate
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check some real art out. I almost made a disaster in my pants laughing so hard at this. go to the gallery.

www.sprinklebrigade.com
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Old 08-20-2006, 03:51 PM   #2203
sweeterdinu
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Smile

This was kinda last night but I tricked my friend into thinking she was talking to a guy that liked herehey gurl!!! says:
MMMM

Candi says:
mmm what?

hey gurl!!! says:
lookin fine gurl!!

hey gurl!!! says:
Whats ur name

Candi says:
who is this?

hey gurl!!! says:
Tell me who this is first

Candi says:
No

hey gurl!!! says:
This LJ Pimpin

hey gurl!!! says:
wus yo name

Candi says:
is this a girl or a boy?

hey gurl!!! says:
Boy, who you think dis is? Sheryl Crow?

Candi says:
Lol

hey gurl!!! says:
So I guesho name is Candi... well you look sweet like candy gurl and I want some of ur candy

hey gurl!!! says:
no wut i mean baby

Candi says:
yeah that is my name whats urs?

hey gurl!!! says:
Some people call me LJ pimpin, Mista cool... but you candi gurl, can call me, Lee- Jackwon....Lee for short

Candi says:
how old r u?

hey gurl!!! says:
15, turnin 16 on da last daya aug aug... u baby gurl?

Candi says:
im 13

hey gurl!!! says:
Ohh, das iight gurl, jus as long a u fine and u is VERR FINE

hey gurl!!! says:
YEAH I SAID VERR V E R R

Candi says:
how would u know?

hey gurl!!! says:
myspace..chica

Candi says:
do u have it?

Candi says:
yes
Candi says:
do u?

hey gurl!!! says:
main, i used to gurl, got rida it... i aint had no friendz, i dont no y gurl, all it wuz wuz girlz all over me...(which was fine and all)(lol) but uh, i needed some real friendz, then I saw u, and I was like DANG GIRL!

hey gurl!!! says:
LOL

Candi says:
Lol

hey gurl!!! says:
want a pic of me?

Candi says:
sure

Waiting for Candi to accept the file "ljpimpin.jpg" (18 Kb, less than 1 minute with a 28.8 modem). Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the file transfer.

Transfer of file "ljpimpin.jpg" has been declined by Candi.

hey gurl!!! says:
main, i got email it

hey gurl!!! says:
ilov3him1300@hotmail.com rite
Candi says:
Yep

Candi says:
i g2g to church 2morrow and im|-) so can i ttu 2morrow sometime?

Candi says:
Tired

hey gurl!!! says:
Yeah gurl lemme send this to ya stay for a few baby

Candi says:
Ok

Candi says:
Brb

Candi says:
im back

Candi says:
g2g so bye ttu 2morrow

hey gurl!!! says:
ok baby bye
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Old 08-21-2006, 01:45 PM   #2204
auntie aubrey
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i just read the previous post and died a little inside. now i can't remember the thing that made me laugh today.

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Old 08-21-2006, 02:46 PM   #2205
Jaime
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