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Old 03-29-2004, 03:23 PM   #46
Smartypants
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This e-mail just arrived. Recycled humor, yes, but it sill made me laugh:

One night George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House
bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing beside him. Bush
looks up and asks, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help
the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington
advises, then fades away.

The next night, Bush is astir again when he sees the ghost of Thomas
Jefferson moving silently around the bedroom. Bush calls out: "Tom,
please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and then
dims from sight.

The third night sleep still evades Bush. He sees the ghost of FDR
Hovering over his bed. Bush lowers his voice and asks, "Franklin, What
is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

In that golden voice of his, FDR replies, "Help the less fortunate,
Just as I did," and then he disappears.

Bush still isn't sleeping well the fourth night. He tosses and
turns, and suddenly another figure moves out of the shadows. It's the
ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

"Abe," Bush pleads, "what's the best thing I can do right now to help
the country?"

Lincoln pauses, then replies, "Go see a play."
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Old 03-29-2004, 03:33 PM   #47
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i saw a homeless guy doing the macarena last week on the street for money.
now, homelessness is not funny - nor is his situation. but when you are stuck at a red light at rush hour and watching this, it is rather amusing.
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Old 03-31-2004, 07:01 PM   #48
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I was explaining to my little boy the medicinal benefits of Aloe Vera plants. I told him how to break off a piece of the plant and rub the "goo" on his burn. "Then do I sprinkle gunpowder on it and light it with a match?"

Apparently my little boy watches to many cowboy movies.
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Old 03-31-2004, 07:33 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally posted by daverbee
This. Once again from I Am Eating My Husband's Soul:

My Hamster, My Self


He had a rat on his shoulder. It was his best feature.

ohhh man, all of that made me laugh, but that one sentance had me in tears!!!
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Old 03-31-2004, 08:50 PM   #50
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I go to a conservative college, and it nobody gives anyone the finger. However, a friend offered an alternative: stick up your pinky.

"That means: 'I hope you die a virgin,'" he said excitedly. "Isn't it worse?"

Man, I love that kid. He makes me laugh all the time.
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Old 03-31-2004, 08:53 PM   #51
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"are you german?"

made me laugh AGAIN and out loud too!
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Old 03-31-2004, 08:53 PM   #52
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The Great Bacon Fiasco, or, "Jesus Wept"
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Old 03-31-2004, 09:37 PM   #53
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QUOTE]Originally posted by Frieda
i had

4-cheese pizza with plastic still on the bottom
[/quote]

Oh Frieda..this one hit home and gave me a good laugh, thanks hon
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Old 03-31-2004, 10:17 PM   #54
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I have been trying to explain to my 4yr old that lying is not good, we always try to tell the truth. He told a lie earlier & I asked him why he lied. He said "I'm sorry Mommy, but I didn't lie. I just told you the wrong truth."

Trying not to snicker I explained that "the wrong truth" is a lie.
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Old 03-31-2004, 10:50 PM   #55
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We had to have the same talk..only about lying by omission.
"I didn't lie, I didn't even tell her"

The best was when my daughter brought home some badly done school work, and my husband told her : I do not want to see papers like this again. Well, we didn't lol.....She just didn't bring them home anymore! So when we asked her..any bad papers in your bag? She always said no...and there weren't, so she didn't think it was a lie. First grade logic
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Old 03-31-2004, 11:18 PM   #56
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Heh ... wldchld and Avalon... are you available to go back in time approx. 30 years and speak to my ex-husband about these issues?

Yeh the JesusTitties Bacon Debacle made me laugh out loud today! Can't fry bacon without thinking of JT.
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Old 03-31-2004, 11:57 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally posted by catbelly


Yeh the JesusTitties Bacon Debacle made me laugh out loud today! Can't fry bacon without thinking of JT.
That's it...no more bacon for you miss!!
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Old 04-01-2004, 12:02 AM   #58
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Quote:
Originally posted by Coffee
That's it...no more bacon for you miss!!
\

Admit it, sir, you were thinking about that TOO when the bacon started popping and spitting
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Old 04-01-2004, 12:43 AM   #59
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zenbabe’s post in the current events forum about Richard Simmons bitchslapping a cagedancer. Hahaha!
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Old 04-01-2004, 03:13 PM   #60
Frieda
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Quote:
Originally posted by Avalon
QUOTE]Originally posted by Frieda
i had

4-cheese pizza with plastic still on the bottom


Oh Frieda..this one hit home and gave me a good laugh, thanks hon
[/quote]
hey, i'll eat plastic for you any time
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