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Old 10-16-2003, 05:14 PM   #16
catbelly
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Thursday October 16, 2003. 11:08 am

I got another fax, I think?? I know my machine is broken, but I think it is using the potential energy stored in its atoms (it's a Panasonic) to convert the ambient thermal energy from my apartment heater (electric, manufacturer unknown) into electrical energy which it uses to pick up electrical signals from the mother ship. The trouble is, once it receives a fax I think it must teleport the fax to various locations in my apartment - gasp - probably because the electrical appliances create a magnetic field that synchronizes with the fax machine/mother ship interface!! I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I should map the points and find out whether it is possible that they are in a configuration that would allow me to travel through space.

I am feeling a bit funny. I wonder if I ate something that didn't agree with me. That doesn't seem likely since all I had was head cheese sandwiches and penicillin. OooOOOoOOOoohhhHHhhhhh. I have to go -
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Old 10-17-2003, 03:05 AM   #17
funkytuba
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Thursday October 16, 2003. 7:38 pm

SHE CALLED! OMG she called, SHE CALLED, She Called... and boy did she have a lot to say. I was screening my calls as usual when I heard her voice! She Called! I picked up the receiver and she couldn't stop telling me everything she believes in. She's developed quite a set of viewpoints, too, Immigrants rights, the environment, labor laws.

She's also been hobnobbing too, preparing for our future together, because she handed the phone to Bill Clinton. He wanted to talk politics too, so I listened patiently "Yes, Mr. President. Of Course Sir... ha ha ah!" At the end, my sweet Michele got back on and thanked me for being there and taking an interest in her new calling.

We got disconnected somehow. Of course, she must have been busy with all her new friends, because when I tried to call her back, her line was busy. I guess she must have been entertaining Mr. Clinton.

This called for another trip to the Deli. Ivar was so impressed with my success that he gave me his great grandmother's recipe for colds. It contains... you guessed it! Stinky Cheese, Garlic, head cheese and fermented Braunschweiger. At only $16/ounce, what a bargain! I only got three pounds, though, and put it on my brother's amex.
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Old 10-17-2003, 06:32 PM   #18
rapscalious rob
 
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Michelle, Michelle, goddess of love!
So sweet, my peaceful turtledove
My dream came finally halfway true,
When on the telephone- ‘twas you!
I felt my heart go pitter-pat,
picked up the phone, heavily sat,
and reminisced about your face,
that tiny frown I can’t erase,
those furrowed brows of deep concern,
It is for you, Michelle, I yearn!

Oh how did I this fortune earn?
to hear her on my phone today--
How did my life take such a turn?
now I know I’ll be okay.

Although we may be far apart,
You warm and soothe my thumping heart,
And, like the subatomic particles of quantum science,
we are entangled, against all odds, in defiance!
For, at night, I feel the music of your thoughts.
Then you must feel mine, too… connect the dots

Last edited by rapscalious rob : 10-17-2003 at 06:43 PM.
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Old 10-18-2003, 05:38 PM   #19
rapscalious rob
 
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Saturday, October 18, 2003; 1:37 pm

A. Data:
One dubious recieved fax
Supportive evidence:
1. One blog entry insinuating receipt of said fax.
2. One piece of fax paper with writing on it.

B. Data:
Fax machine is broken.
Supportive evidence:
1. Couple who sold it to me told me it’s broken. They had no reason to lie about this.
2. When I subsequently plugged it in, I got dozens of error messages.

C. Data:
Fax machine isn’t plugged into phone jack
Supportive evidence:
1. My own incontrovertable eyewitness testimony that the fax machine isn’t plugged into the phone jack (at least while I am conscious, alert, and in the presence of said fax machine in my apartment).

D. Data:
Fax machine isn’t plugged into AC outlet.
Supportive evidence:
1. My own incontrovertable eyewitness testimony that fax machine isn’t plugged into an AC outlet (at least while I am conscious, alert, and in the presence of said fax machine in my apartment).

E. Data:
Miracles can happen.
Supportive evidence:
Michelle called me. Doesn’t matter why. She called me. And she seemed happy.

F. Interpolation of said data:
If the fax machine has no power source, it must be running on ambient energy, and if the fax machine isn’t plugged into a phone jack, it must communicate with the mothership with electromagnetic impulses.
Supportive evidence:
See above data.

Conclusion:
If the fax machine printed a fax even though it is broken and even though it isn’t plugged into the phone jack or AC outlet, then that is a miracle. Since, as data item E suggests, miracles do happen, then this, the receipt of a fax by an apparently dead fax machine, is possible. One explanation is that the fax machine recieves ambient thermal energy from my electric heater and communicates via electromagnetic impulses from the mothership of all broken fax machines.

To test my hypothesis, I have affixed one (1) television antennae to my head, and wrapped myself in aluminum foil. If these fax machine signals are really travelling through space, I should be able to pick them up. Maybe the mothership can communicate the data that makes up my person to a distant location, thus making teleportation possible. I will repeat this experiment every night for at least one (1) year, or until I recieve a signal.

Last edited by rapscalious rob : 10-18-2003 at 05:57 PM.
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Old 10-20-2003, 04:36 PM   #20
catbelly
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Monday, October 20, 2003. Noon.

I have turned up my electrical heater in hopes of stimulating my fax machine to receive more messages. It is very hot in here, and I am starting to develop a rash. Where is my Gold Bond powder?? I wonder if I should be removing the aluminum foil periodically? It is getting a bit sticky. Plus, I think I dropped some of my head cheese sandwich into my pants.
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Old 10-21-2003, 10:11 PM   #21
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Tuesday, October 21, 2003 6:24 PM

I have taken to wearing long underwear under the aluminum foil-- it reduces the chafing and absorbs my natural body moisture, which stops that annoying rash from forming. I had a tough time sleeping last night. I kept itching all over. And the antennae made it difficult to position my head. Perhaps I should take off my outfit before going to bed…

As it turns out, the head cheese sandwich got smeared all over my hello kitty underwear. I don’t know how to get the smell out. And I don’t think I will ever get the stain out. Oh, well… maybe that bull pheromone will stimulate my libido.

At one point, I thought I might have caught a signal, though-- it felt like a kind of “throbbing” in my head. Of course, I experienced a similar throbbing sensation after eating that mold the other day. Hmm… does the mold help me communicate with the mothership?
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Old 10-22-2003, 05:44 PM   #22
catbelly
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WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 22, 2003, 2:13 PM!

I AM VERY EXCITED!! I THINK THE MOLD MIGHT ACTUALLY *BE* A SPECIES SEEDED ON EARTH BY BEINGS FROM THE MOTHERSHIP!

RESEARCH TO FOLLOW!!
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Old 10-24-2003, 07:49 PM   #23
Klynne
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Friday October 25th 7:00 p.m.

It is just as I suspected. The mold is a species seeded on earth from beings from the mothership.. Fortunately for me, I did not have to conduct extensive experimentation. I had a phone call from “people” claiming that my house needed new siding. Since I rent, I found this to be highly suspicious. Then I realized that it was not really siding they were trying to sell me. They were really trying to communicate important details about the mold but had to talk in code, since they realized my phone is tapped. Someone is ringing my doorbell, I have to get it. More details to follow.
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Old 10-24-2003, 08:20 PM   #24
Klynne
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Friday October 24, 2003 7:15 p.m.

Something must have happened with my sense of time by sleeping in that antennae. I realized my earlier entry has the wrong date. Is my mind melting?

My brother stopped by to drop off a costume. Apparently his business is branching out into renting out characters for adult parties. I am to debut at as one of the Village People at a party tomorrow night. He was kind of tight lipped about the nature of the party. I guess I won’t worry about the details, I can use the extra $20 bucks, and besides I get to be the cop! I am kind of disappointed that the gun is not real.

Getting back to the phone call from the “siding people”, this is what I discovered about the alien seeds. From what I can gather, I need to liquefy my hello kitty underwear with the mold (I will have to do some research on google on how to do this. If you can learn how to make your own stinky cheese on the internet, surely there must be something about liquefying hello kitty underwear? And what mold, the mold I have ingested, or the remaining mold leftover from my homemade cold rememdy? Oh, the logistics!) I am to let the mixture sit for 48 hours, and then drink it. I have been chosen to be the vessel to incubate the alien spawn. Then I am to mate with an attractive female, thereby impregnating her. I had trouble deciphering the rest. The sales person said something about life time guarantee on all work done…blah, blah, blah…. Just could not figure it out.

Last edited by Klynne : 10-24-2003 at 09:07 PM.
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Old 10-26-2003, 05:40 PM   #25
Klynne
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Sunday, October 26, 2003 4:15 p.m.

My mother bailed me out of jail this morning. I only got to make one phone call, and I could not bring myself to call my brother, that SOB. He is the one that got me into trouble in the first place.
Him and his damn get rich quick schemes. He did not tell me, that as part of this party, I was expected to whore myself out! Maybe I will journal the details later (of what I can remember). Right now, I have a bump on my head, my butt hurts, and I have a craving for a stinky cheese sandwhich with extra anchovies.

The charges brought against me are prostitution, drunk and disorderly, indecent exposure, resisting arrest etc., etc.,etc. I am going to have to get a good lawyer.

Last edited by Klynne : 10-26-2003 at 05:50 PM.
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Old 10-27-2003, 06:31 PM   #26
catbelly
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Monday, October 27, 2003. 1:48 pm.

Someone gave me the name of a lawyer, Mr. Beale Blues. I don't know if he can help me but I hope so. I need to have access to my fax machine and blender and Hello Kitty underwear to complete the project and impregnate Michelle, and how can I do that if I'm in jail??
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:49 PM   #27
Klynne
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Monday October 27, 2003 8:00 p.m.

Whew, I had a busy afternoon. I called Mr. Blues right away, and as luck would have it he was able to meet with me this afternoon. He is slick, I like the way he thinks. After hearing my story, he said he thinks I can avoid jail time, and maybe just get 5 years probation. He said the real criminal in this whole scenario is my brother for pimping me out. So we are going to turn him in. I did have some reservations, he is my brother after all, but Mr. Blues made me see the light.

After meeting with Mr. Blues, I went to the hardware store to purchase a few things that I will need for my incubating alien spawn plan. I am so excited that I was chosen by the Mothership to take part in this important experiment. I am awaiting to hear for further instructions from them so I can begin the process of liquefying my Hello Kitty underwear with the mold/alien seed.

Last edited by Klynne : 11-01-2003 at 12:33 AM.
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Old 10-30-2003, 08:22 PM   #28
Maggie Shamrock
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Thursday, October 30, 2003

Well, I have found there is absolutely NO WAY to liquefy Hello Kitty underwear. I've sliced, I've diced, I've julienned them, put them in a pot of rat poison and battery acid on the stove to boil, still the innocuous fibers live...while my eyebrows and hair lie in a singed pile at my feet. Ohhh...they taunt me with rude fiber fingered hand gestures, speaking with their haughty French accents, mocking me with their cleverly witty little French phrases. Even the Mold/Alien seed, with it's far superior intellect cannot figure a way to defeat them. I had no idea that Hello Kitty underwear was made undercover in that horrid, wicked country. Damn the French and all their fancy lingerie! I have contacted the Mothership using my newly acquired telepathic powers. I was sent an invisible fax immediately...they did not want the paper evidence to be detected by the French spies that watch my house continually now. The fax said "Beware...Gerard Depardieu is a secret agent bent on destroying all of our plans...he MUST be stopped. Find a way to capture him at once so that we may poke, prod and otherwise torture him."

I am at a loss as to how to get to the evil Gerard...for now I am going to bury the putrid lump of Hello Kitty fibers that rest smugly on my stove in a very deep hole beneath the oak tree in my back yard. Maybe I will receive a call from my beloved Michele...Michele my belle...Mich..mi...wait a minute...isn’t that name...FRENCH????
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Old 11-01-2003, 12:22 AM   #29
Klynne
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Friday October 31, 2003, 10:35 p.m.

I am so afraid....As I write this, I am hiding under my bed. The French have invaded my apartment complex. It started right after dusk, they started knocking on my door yelling "Trick or Treat?"

What does this all mean?

I think they are trying to kill me.

Pray for my soul.

Last edited by Klynne : 11-01-2003 at 12:38 AM.
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Old 11-01-2003, 06:57 AM   #30
rapscalious rob
 
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November 1, 1:48 AM

I am starting to calm down after the terror of this night. All those strange people dressed up in elaborate costumes, saying “trick or treat! trick or treat! trick or treat!” Obviously they were spies sent out by the United Galactic Council, to foil my plot to unbind myself from the shackles of this physical body and achieve true freedom with the help of the mold and the mothership.

Somehow there was something familiar about it, those children, dressed up in ridiculous costumes, carrying plastic pumpkins or bags, filled with something (mold?). I don’t know why, but I identified with it somehow. The UGC must have been counting on this strange personal resonance I have for costumed characters…

speaking of which, I spoke with mom yesterday. About my bro. I had reservations about telling her about that night, but I decided she would probably find out anyway in one of her lucid moments. So I told her. She seemed okay about it… maybe she didn’t understand what I was trying to tell her. Me and my mom conversing is like the blind leading the deaf. We’re both crazy. At least I’m sane enough (sometimes) to know I’m crazy (or viewed as crazy, anyway). My mom, though… well, she reminds me of what I will probably be like later on. Or maybe I’m that way now? Who’s to say? Michelle? The mold?

I thought about the “French connection” a little more today. I decided that even if Michelle is a french name, I still love her. A rose by any other name, you know?

I thought about that name, also, Gerard Depardieu. Pardieu. Deu. Deus ex machina. Perdido. Perdón. Gerard. Chair hard. achoo. Chard. Shard. broken.

I realized that the mothership was speaking to me in code. It seems to be saying that I should beware of being lost, hurt, sick or fooled, or I risk losing everything. The mold helps heal my sickness, but it hurts. My love for Michelle also hurts. So does this feeling of betrayal from my brother. Head cheese makes me feel good. So does Michelle. And that beautiful woman I see regularly when I make my rounds, who smiled at me that one time. What does it all add up to? What should I do to achieve liberation, to have my soul transmitted to the universal fax network mother? Maybe I was never meant to reach this kind of nirvana. Maybe it will take more than one lifetime. Or perhaps it will never happen.

Last edited by rapscalious rob : 11-01-2003 at 06:59 AM.
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