ZEFRANK.COM - message board  

Go Back   ZEFRANK.COM - message board > CURRENT EVENTS
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

 
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 11-12-2004, 10:29 PM   #1
Smartypants
MR. Smartypants to you.
 
Smartypants's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Oh, YOU PEOPLE go ahead and call it "Frisco." See if I care.
Posts: 3,967
California's Letter of Secession

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving
you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the
Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of
the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to
almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of
California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift
the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let
everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is
going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we're
getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is
letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,
pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need
all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight
in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids
they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets
coming home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the
Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney
Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late
night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and
Conan O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox
News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just
watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.
Soon.

Sincerely,
California
__________________

"I don't think God wants us to believe in him. If he wanted us to believe in him he'd do something about it -- like exist perhaps!" --Linda Smith
Smartypants is offline  
Old 11-13-2004, 03:29 AM   #2
Willow Sylph
monkey
 
Willow Sylph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,608
Re: California's Letter of Secession

Quote:
Originally posted by Smartypants
Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals.
Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving
you. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the
Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of
the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to
almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of
California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift
the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let
everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is
going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we're
getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is
letting you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks.)

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,
pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need
all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight
in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids
they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets
coming home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the
Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney
Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the south, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late
night TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and
Conan O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox
News to come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just
watch Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.
Soon.

Sincerely,
California
Phew!
Willow Sylph is offline  
Old 11-13-2004, 10:05 PM   #3
red
elite rabble
 
red's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Houston
Posts: 4,147
correction, he gets 61.7% of Texas. The intelligent 38.3% of Texans are goiing to Canada.
__________________
Just because you keep talking
doesn't mean you are communicating
red is offline  
Old 11-17-2004, 06:35 AM   #4
katester
jack's smirking revenge
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: denton
Posts: 36
when's this exodus of intelligent texans to canada? i'm in.
__________________
a man said to the Universe: 'Sir, i exist!' 'However,' replied the Universe, ' the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation.'
-stephen crane
katester is offline  
 


Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -3. The time now is 04:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.