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Old 11-21-2004, 10:40 PM   #781
madasacutsnake
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Overheard at the Old Folk's Home.

Television: Scientists are investigating the latest breakthrough in stem cell research which could provide cures for many diseases and even halt the ageing process.....

92 year old lady: There's hope for us all yet then.
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He really shatters the myth of white supremacy once and for all.
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Old 11-22-2004, 03:42 PM   #782
trisherina
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Quote:
Originally posted by bealeblues
but i bet stuart didn't throw up with motorhead on several occasions....
Quote:
Originally posted by rmr
^^^ true and on second thought -- how rich is he???
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Old 11-22-2004, 04:23 PM   #783
Gatsby
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"You Make Kitty Scared"

ROTFLMAO. That made my morning. I about spat coffee all over my laptop.
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Old 11-22-2004, 04:24 PM   #784
bealeblues
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originally posted by rimmer:

hello? nobody's there
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Old 11-22-2004, 06:57 PM   #785
Spicy Jack
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regarding the sacrilicious grilled cheese sammie:

Quote:
Originally posted by Saxifrage
Only Jebus can save us now.
Quote:
Originally posted by Zenbabe
It would be perfect if they could find him in some tomato soup!
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Old 11-23-2004, 01:13 PM   #786
funkytuba
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Quote:
Originally posted by madasacutsnake
But, as it turns out, koalas are fiercely territorial, and will shout threats at intruders ("YOU'VE GOT TEN HOURS TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY TREE, DAMMIT!!!!"). [...] Get out of my tree. Brrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaapppppp.
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...and another handful of almonds
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Old 11-23-2004, 01:20 PM   #787
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actually it was last night but the talking dog on lettermen CRACKED me up
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Old 11-23-2004, 01:23 PM   #788
red
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listening to npr.
they had excerpts from Seinfeld on.
I watched that show so often I knew what they were saying with the sound off.
It's been quite awhile since I've seen (or heard) an eppie.
hearing them again actually made my day start off right.
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Old 11-23-2004, 03:01 PM   #789
dinzdale
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Quote:
Originally posted by zero
when you wake up what particular room you happen to be in will mean nothing to you whatsoever, you won't fvcking care about rooms. okay.
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Old 11-23-2004, 11:34 PM   #790
priceyfatprude
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Quote:
Originally posted by rmr
you say tomato and i say dirty sanchez
This still makes me laugh.
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Old 11-24-2004, 01:51 AM   #791
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From the "It's a Donkey" Thread, LAUGH-OUT-LOUD-CHOKE-ON-FOOD funny!!:

from the snake:

However, it seemed that the donkey's leg was broken. The vet ordered that the donkey be suspended in a flotation tank to allow the leg to heal. Coincidentally, a week later, the priest also broke his leg. The doctor was so impressed with the way the tank had helped the donkey that he ordered the same treatment.

The headline read:
PRIEST HUNG LIKE DONKEY


...and from funky ...


So the priest and the donkey went home but wanderlust still lurked in the donkey's soul so he hit the road. He wandered up a mountain to the place where the giants live. Now these giants were a gentle sort and their leader knew the donkey needed to be returned so he picked up the donkey, carried it down the mountain with his three-member giant posse and gave it to the priest, who, while not a giant, was rather beefy himself.

Headlines read:
PADRE GETS HIS OWN ASS HANDED TO HIM BY GIANTS - 4-1


The donkey got loose again, and found himself at the Republican Convention. Bush, Cheney, Chambliss, DeLay, Gingrich all were there. When the donkey had the temerity to bring up their service in the armed forces, they started kicking him relentlessly until he fled in haste.

Headlines read:
DODGERS KICK PADRE'S ASS 5-0
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Old 11-24-2004, 12:11 PM   #792
chuckie egg
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Proud to be British!

Be very proud to be British Because...

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

NOT TO MENTION........

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

9 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolates.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

8 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet............................

RULE BRITANNIA!!
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Old 11-24-2004, 01:59 PM   #793
Frieda
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i must be living in britain!
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zoek waar je wil, maar het zit in jezelf

oh yeah
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Old 11-24-2004, 02:40 PM   #794
ally
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OK, I really am brit...
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Been away for a while (3, 4 years maybe?!).
Now an English teach (who still can't spell).
Still loving being a mum, best thing ever, so much so that number 2's on it's way (oh & I got married last year!).
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Old 11-24-2004, 02:50 PM   #795
daverbee
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Re: Proud to be British!

Quote:
Originally posted by chuckie egg
Be very proud to be British Because...

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have 'call waiting' so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

NOT TO MENTION........

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

9 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolates.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

8 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet............................

RULE BRITANNIA!!
Sounds like a pretty accurate description of life in the Southern United States. Who let y'all join?
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