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Old 07-22-2005, 02:41 AM   #1
Max Headroom
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The worst joke in the world thread

A sandwich walks into a bar,

the bartender says, "get the f*** out, we don't serve food in here!"
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Art takes something ugly and over time makes it beautiful,

Fashion takes something beautiful and over time makes it ugly.
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Old 07-22-2005, 03:03 AM   #2
priceyfatprude
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Duck walks into a pharmacy & asks the pharmacist for some Chapstick.

The pharmacist asks, "Will that be cash?"

The duck says, "No, put it on my bill."
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Old 07-22-2005, 05:38 AM   #3
trisherina
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Drunk looks up from his drink and asks the bartender woozily, "Do lemons have feathers?"

Bartender tells him no.

"I guess I must really be drunk, then, because I think I just squeezed your canary into my drink."
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Old 07-22-2005, 08:28 AM   #4
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A man walks into a fish shop with a fish under his arm and says “excuse me mate, do you sell fish cakes?”
The man says “yeah of course we do”

”Thank god for that,” he says, pointing at the fish,

”it’s his birthday tomorrow”
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Old 07-22-2005, 08:29 AM   #5
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Where does Kylie get her kebabs from?
Jason’s donner van
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Old 07-22-2005, 12:40 PM   #6
dinzdale
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A bra walks into a pub and the landlord says
"I'm sorry, but I cant serve you as you're obviously off your tits"
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Old 07-22-2005, 04:57 PM   #7
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What's blue and white and if it fell out of a tree could kill you?



A fridge in a denim jacket.
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Old 07-22-2005, 04:58 PM   #8
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A man goes into the doctor with custard and jelly in one ear and fruit and cream in the other.

"And how can I help you sir?"

"Sorry doctor, you'll have to speak up. I'm a trifle deaf"
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Old 07-22-2005, 05:01 PM   #9
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Another man goes into the doctor with a sausage up his nose, bacon in his ear and egg yolk running down his forehead.

Doctor takes one look at him and says
"You're not eating properly"
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Old 07-22-2005, 05:11 PM   #10
sparticle
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This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but
there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not
surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino
chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have
devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all
their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and
then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

Of course, this is done by a chip monk.
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There are few situations in life which wind up with you saying to yourself: "Gee, I wish I'd had worse manners there."

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Old 07-22-2005, 05:13 PM   #11
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Ghandi was a great man who walked among the people and always barefoot. Because of this the skin on his feet became very rough and covered in calluses. His strong religious beliefs required him to be a vegetarian. This strict diet combined with all the walking made him a very thin and frail man. He had sworn to a life of poverty. Because of this he did not posses a toothbrush. Combine this with his diet, and he was chronically cursed by bad breath.

I guess you could say he was a "Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."
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Art takes something ugly and over time makes it beautiful,

Fashion takes something beautiful and over time makes it ugly.

Last edited by Max Headroom : 07-22-2005 at 05:15 PM. Reason: Commedic Value
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Old 07-22-2005, 05:31 PM   #12
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Man walks into a Fish'n'Chip shop and says "Cod and Chips twice, please"

The man behind the counter replies " Alright, keep your hair on. I heard you the first time"
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Old 07-22-2005, 05:35 PM   #13
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johnny runs home to his mother:
"mommy! mommy! everybody calls me a backstreet boy!"

"but son, who calls you a backstreet boy??"

"EVERYBOOOOODYYYYY YEAH YEAH YEAH"
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Old 07-22-2005, 05:43 PM   #14
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max headroom & dinzdale go to the zoo.

"hey look, that's a jaguar!" shouts dinz.
"no way that's a jaguar", says max. "it doesn't even have wheels!"

ha ha ha
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Old 07-22-2005, 06:19 PM   #15
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Man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm, lays the pig on the bar and orders a pint.

Bartender "You cant leave that lyin' there"

Man " It's not a lion it's a pig"
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